Is The Olympic Village Just The Thirstiest Place On Earth?

When someone mentions the Olympics to me, three words come to mind: Shirtless Tongan flagbearer. (His name is Pita Taufatofua and he's a Tongan taekwondo practitioner and skier. You're welcome.) But as the world continues to droll over the likes of Taufatofua, Simone Biles, and Alicia Schmidt, it turns out Olympic spectators aren't the only ones getting thirsty for athletes. From rumors that sustainable cardboard beds were used to dissuade athletes from having sex (not true) to Olympic organizers giving out enough condoms for each athlete to have sex 84 times during the 2016 Olympics in Rio (very true, and three times the number of condoms that were given to athletes during the 2012 Olympics in London), it seems the Olympic Village is just one big giant thirst trap. 

And thanks to TikTok, spectators are getting an inside look into just how horny this year's Olympians are. For example, Kelsey Marie Robinson, a U.S. Olympic volleyball player, posted a video of athletes dancing, while posing a few thirst-related questions, like "Is he hot or is he just in Olympic village?" and "Is he hot or can he just run a mile in four minutes?" Other questions included: "Is he hot or does he just know where Tokyo is on a map?" and "Is he hot or is he just a coach?"

Then there's Tyler Downs, a U.S. Olympic diver, who posted a video saying, "When you see Simone Biles at the Olympics" while a song with the lyrics "talk to me" played in the background. (Sorry, Tyler, but Simone is famously dating Jonathan Owens, a safety for the Houston Texans.) It's getting so frisky at the Olympics that people are changing their Tinder location to Olympics village in an attempt to dip their toes in this Olympic-sized dating pool.

If you haven't yet checked out this Tiktok world of thirsty Olympiads, we're here to help navigate your way through this important content:

Perhaps all this shame-free thirstiness is a result of having to wait an additional year to compete, due to the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. Or perhaps, like the rest of us, the athletes are here for hot girl and thigh guy summer, courtesy of a year of isolation and social distancing. And given that elite women athletes have naturally higher levels of testosterone, and high testosterone levels fuel both sex drive and performance, this could simply be a result of people's bodies doing what bodies do: sex stuff.

Even a 2018 study found that adolescents, young adults, and older adults find world-class athletes more facially attractive than amateur athletes. (In the study, middle-aged adults found the opposite to be true, and researchers could not account for this switch. We'll just blame middle-aged adults, who consider cargo shorts to be attractive.) 

All this thirstiness is just the inevitable outcome of a bunch of hot, athletic people hanging out together. It's science! It's nature! It's the Olympics!