Bachelor In Paradise Season 7, Episode 9 Recap: Body Tacos & Evacuations

Going into this episode of Bachelor in Paradise we knew a few things were going to happen: Kendall’s fate on the beach would be decided, new contestants Ed and Demar would show up, and the cast would have to evacuate due to a tropical storm. But, there was something else that I feel we should’ve been warned about: Mari and Kenny making out while naked and covered in various taco fillings. It was truly a shock to the system, and I will never look at sour cream—a food I already have a natural aversion to—in the same way again.

So, with that warning out of the way, it’s time to find out what happened with Kendall and Joe, whether the best couple on the beach (Riley and Maurissa, obviously) is still standing, and if the show was shut down permanently due to a tropical storm. You can probably guess the answer to that last one.

The episode opens with a long montage of Kendall and Joe’s entire Paradise experience, beginning with when they fell in love during season 5. The show is milking what is inevitably going to be Kendall’s departure. Sad Kendall talks to Joe. She says it’s hard to see him so happy because she’s reminded of why she fell in love with him. When he asks if she’s not over their relationship, she says, “Don’t ask me that right now.” Well, it does seem like a good time to ask, Kendall. She cries. Joe gives her a hug. 

When Joe asks why she came on the show, Kendall says, “I came here because I feel I’m always going to have love for you.” When she asks him the same question, he responds, “To be honest, the reason I came out here was ‘cause I knew it was over between us. And if I didn’t feel that I wouldn’t have come.” 

I have to agree with Joe’s reasoning. Why would Kendall think it was a good idea to go on the show instead of trying to work things out with Joe in the real world? It’s a much bigger risk to figure out if a guy is still into you while on a TV show that directly involves him dating other people. In his confessional, Joe even says that Kendall should’ve contacted him before BiP.

Joe tells Kendall that he’ll always be there for her. She decides to head home and sobs in her exit car ride. It’s really rough; Kendall and Joe were together for over a year in the real world. Joe tells Serena what happened and reassures her that their relationship is still strong.

The next day, two new men arrive on the beach: Demar and Ed, both from Tayshia and Clare’s season. Demar decides to ask Chelsea on his date—to Aaron’s annoyance—while Ed takes Natasha. 

The double date involves the women painting the men. Which is to say, first they have to paint pictures of them and then they have to paint their bodies. Was there more to it? Who knows. We don't get to see it. Afterward, the pairs spend some time alone. Ed and Natasha chat over champagne and share a kiss, but the show doesn’t even check in on Chelsea and Demar. We really get nothing from this date.

Kenny and Mari get a date card, and when it’s revealed that their date will be a cooking class, I’m into it. That’s fun, I think. Finally, a date I would enjoy, too. Except that the plates are their bodies. This means that Kenny and Mari are not cooking, but instead taking turns assembling tacos on each others’ naked bods. The use of sour cream is, in a word, explicit. At one point, they just start making out with taco ingredients all over Mari’s body. There has been a lot of food-themed sexy time on this season. There was something with people kissing while eating strawberries. Last week we got Riley and Maurissa’s whipped cream game. Now, this. And, hey, to each their own. But to my fellow lactose intolerant members of Bachelor Nation, I am with you at this time. 

After the, um, meal, Kenny and Mari have the serious portion of their date. They talk about how they’re falling in love with each other and see a future outside of the show. Then, naturally, they head to the Boom Boom Room. 

Throughout the episode, we see clips of Maurissa telling cast mates that she doesn't know where she and Riley stand because he isn’t very expressive with his words. Eventually, the couple talks, and Riley shares that he holds back because of his upbringing. His relationship with his parents and their divorce has made him worry that he’ll go down a similar path to his father, who he no longer has a relationship with. Riley also says that he wants Maurissa to meet his mom and that he is falling in love with her. Maurissa tells Riley that she’s falling in love with him, too. These two are cute! They’ve got the serious and the licking whipped cream off of sandy beach toes.

With about 30 minutes left in the episode and the cast expecting a rose ceremony that night, a group of producers announce that everyone needs to flee the beach immediately, because a tropical storm is approaching. Everyone leaves in vans between clips of lightning, thunder, and torrential rain.

But, after a commercial break, everyone is back! The sun is shining! It’s all comically fast. I need more info on what they did while they were gone.

Two big things happen at the pre-rose ceremony cocktail party. First, Tia is trying to choose between James the Box and Blake. James has shown his attraction to her with shoddy paintings he made representing both of their hometowns. Blake has spoken his affection, but she doesn’t think that’s enough—even if he does make her “vagina dance.” This is a case of incompatible love languages, I guess, but Blake and Tia get into an argument over it.

Secondly, Chelsea reveals to Aaron that she was looking forward to returning to him during her date with Demar, not that we got to see how things even went with him. But, after talking to Aaron, Chelsea and Ivan strike up a flirtation and end up kissing. James and Aaron watch from afar with Aaron calling Ivan—his friend until mere minutes ago—a “little snake-y bitch bag.” He then confronts him like he wants to fight and the episode ends on a “to be continued.” The preview for next week reveals that something may have happened between Ivan and Chelsea in the evacuation hotel. Yes! We might not get to see the hotel mischief, but that is still an intriguing storyline. 

Fashion moment of the night: Mari’s matching bright yellow ensemble with pants, a crop top, and lace sleeves. It doesn’t look like the easiest thing to get in and out of when you have to literally wear tacos as part of your date, but it was definitely eye-catching. 

“Huh?” quote of the night: “Ed’s legs are like two thick Christmas hams. They’re absolutely massive. They would feed a whole village of cannibals.” —Aaron

Best pop culture reference: Chelsea saying “You’re doing amazing, sweetie” while painting Demar.