AD Is The Latest Black Woman Done Dirty By Love Is Blind — We’re Rooting For Her Anyway

Light spoilers for the first six episodes of Love Is Blind ahead. Season 6 of Love is Blind has only been streaming for a few days, but the jury is already out, and many are calling it the best iteration of the Netflix reality dating show in years. Not because it’s the most successful attempt at this bizarre matchmaking experiment yet (the chances of couples making it outside of the pods are abysmally low), but because this set of romantic hopefuls is really putting themselves out there for love in a way that makes us actually root for them — specifically season 6’s resident lover girl and red flag enthusiast, Amber Desiree “AD” Smith.

We don’t know exactly how the Love is Blind executives select the pod locations each season, but there’s gotta be something in the dating pool over in Charlotte because this go-around is especially juicy. For a few seasons now, fans of the dating show, myself included, have voiced real concerns about how weird it’s gotten — which is saying a lot for a show that hinges on getting engaged sight unseen — and many of us point to the casting as part of the problem. There’s a certain level of sincerity and some hardcore delusion that’s required to take the pod process seriously; you really do have to buy into the idea that a love built purely on an emotional connection can conquer all things. We’ve seen a few of those hopeless romantics over the course of the show’s run, stateside and abroad, but many of the couplings have fizzled out as fast as they began. The new season, however, presents us with more lover boys and girls than we’ve seen in years. On both sides of the pods, these contestants seem to be somewhat genuine about wanting to build real relationships through this experiment, and after everything we’ve sat through for this show, it’s refreshing. 

Now, I don’t need any new parasocial relationships (between Beyoncé and my Love is Blind cousin-in-my-head Lauren Speed Hamilton, my fake family tree is at capacity), but following AD’s journey feels like watching someone that I know and am very close to. There’s just something about the 32-year-old Boston native that’s endearing to me. Is it the fact that she’s the only Black woman in her season to make it out of the pods? Absolutely. But it’s also connected to the unflappable optimism she exudes even in the most ridiculous, most high pressure romantic situations. AD is a lover girl through and through, even when she probably shouldn’t be — something that many of us can unfortunately relate to.

AD admits that she has a go-to type — athletes, players, and pretty boys — but since that hasn’t worked out for her so far, she’s resorted to letting the Lacheys and the Love is Blind casting team hook her up with her one true love. She’s looking for something real, for a love that starts from a genuine emotional connection rather than physical attraction, and that’s exactly what this show is about. From the moment the speed dating begins, AD approaches the experiment with an open mind and heart, clearly demonstrated in the very unique connections that she makes. One is with Clay Gravesande, a self-proclaimed ladies’ man who’s more her speed, and another with Matthew Duliba, an awkward suitor who asks every woman in the pod the same 15 questions. AD dives headfirst into both relationships with intention, being straightforward about what she’s looking for. However, she’s quickly faced with significant obstacles on her journey. Matthew, a man that we all felt was the underdog and dark horse of the season, just turns out to be a wasteman; unbeknownst to AD, he’s been recycling the same confessions of love to another woman in the pods. (A second Love is Blind participant from their season recently revealed that Matthew had also been feeding her the same tired lines.) AD’s other option, Clay, has a literal temper tantrum and an existential crisis when he finds out who else she’s been dating in the pods, raising his voice and even using obscene language during the conversation. 

Ultimately, Clay is AD’s final choice, and though part of me was happy to see Black love once again take center stage on the show (miss you, Brett and Tiffany!), I and the rest of the internet are a little concerned about her future with Clay. Aesthetically, the pair are a good match — both are fine as hell and know it — but they’re not exactly on the same page. Despite having a very specific preference when it comes to dating, AD is prepared to fall in love with a guy no matter what he looks like, while Clay is very preoccupied with physical appearances (not necessarily a crime in the real world, but why are you on this particular show?). AD is fully aware of her personal hang ups and has been addressing them through individual therapy, while Clay has yet to sit down with a professional to deal with his own insecurities. AD is ready to be a wife, like yesterday. Clay says he wants to get married at the end of the experiment but expresses his doubts unprovoked during every other conversation. AD is looking for a significant other who’s willing to step up for her, but Clay needs a partner to give him constant validation in order for him to act right. 

Even with these red flags in front of her face, AD is moving full steam ahead with her engagement with Clay. We’re heaving deep Negro spiritual sighs as we watch her because, even with more episodes to come, it’s fair to say we can pretty much predict how this will end. Even if they make it to the altar and down the aisle — and the way it’s looking, that’s a pretty hard if — it’s not giving soulmate. It’s giving…lesson. 

I feel for AD because I’ve been there. Well, not there exactly; I’m way too easily embarrassed to ever go on a dating show of any kind and would have immediately dipped at the first sign of trouble in the pods. But I do know what it’s like to seek love so fervently that you would put up with anything to get it. AD is not the first person to do the most because of love, and she won’t be the last. No, most of us aren’t agreeing to a contract marriage that will play out on Netflix for the world to see, but how many of us have thrown all of our effort into making a relationship work even if it doesn’t feel quite right to other people — or even to us at times? Who hasn’t seen a red flag and passed it off as a yellow one once or twice (or 10 times)? What, you’ve never dated someone for their potential to be “the one” and thought that you could help them be great through an abundance of love and patience? You’ve never had, to quote Katt Williams, “an unnatural allegiance to losers” before? 

We also can’t talk about AD’s experience without noting the troublingly hypersexualized gaze that she’s repeatedly subjected to on the show. Being desired by your partner is one thing (and, if we’re being honest, Clay is a little too focused on the way that she looks), but AD is dealing with the unprovoked lust of her fellow Love is Blind castmates. “That woman is stacked,” loser horndog Jimmy Presnell shamefully declares to his fiancée (his fiancée!) Chelsea Blackwell upon seeing AD in person for the first time on the Punta Cana couples’ trip. Shortly after, podmate Jeramey Lutinski makes public reference to a very crude inside joke about AD’s body between AD and his fiancée Laura Dadisman about “bean dip,” sparking a quick clash between the friends on the beach. (Clay, the oh-so-supportive partner, assures Jeramey that if AD is offended, he’ll “reel her in.”) And during a separate conversation, AD opens about her complicated relationship with her body and her concerns about maintaining her figure, to which Clay responds by asserting crassly that he’d encourage (read: force) her to get back in the gym. Everywhere she turns, AD’s body is the focus of conversation. She’s kind, friendly, and authentic, but all people seem to care about is the way she looks. 

Suffice to say, our girl is going through it on this show. It’s disappointing but not surprising; save for a select few, Black women on Love is Blind have historically either been put through the ringer for ratings or wholly ignored and cast to the side, destined to play supporting characters in other people’s journeys. Still, as much as we could blame the Lacheys, the casting director, or the cast (Matthew, come outside — we just wanna talk!), we do have to acknowledge that AD’s relationship patterns are part of what got her into this bind — and, if she doesn’t break the cycle soon, what could keep her in this same unfortunate loop in the future. Having done the work on herself prior to entering the pods, AD knows full well that wanting to go all the way with Clay, a man who she admits is exactly like so many of the guys she’s dated before, isn’t what she needs. Yet here we are, watching another woman willingly take on the impossible task of attempting to mold a grown man into the partner that she needs him to be. Can Clay change? Maybe. Can Clay change before he and AD sign a legally binding contract in front of their family and friends and anyone with access to a Netflix account? I wouldn’t count on it. 

As loud as we’re yelling, “AD, stand up!” at our TVs and tweeting into the void, we can’t stop her from falling for the wrong guy. Playing the doting, dutiful partner to the wrong person in hopes of changing them is a canon event. And, if you’re a Black woman on a reality TV dating show like Love is Blind, so is playing a losing game. So we watch, and we wait, and no matter what happens on the big day, we support AD. 

The first six episodes of Love is Blind S6 are now streaming, only on Netflix.