After a breakup, you might find yourself crying on the subway and checking your ex’s social media five times a day. Breakups absolutely affect us emotionally. So when you spend a few nights tossing and turning, you can blame your ex (or, more specifically, the breakup itself) for your your inability to fall sleep. But sometimes, post-breakup insomnia can be a little more complicated than just post-split stress.
Yes — various studies have found that stress is connected to insomnia, and breakups can be very stressful. A 2011 review of studies found similarities between mourning a relationship and grieving the death of a loved one: Both can lead to insomnia, intrusive thoughts, immune dysfunction, and even physical pain.
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Although you might wish you could cure your insomnia with some chamomile tea, unfortunately, the best medicine here is time. “There’s nothing to do other than wait it out, though I wish I could tell you to do something like drink a gallon of water,” sex & relationships therapist and TENGA brand ambassador Shan Boodram tells Refinery29. “The best thing you can do is try to feed your dopamine [the 'feel-good chemical'] receptors in other ways: Go out, meet new people, and try to distract yourself as much as possible. But ultimately, the withdrawal process sucks for everyone.”
Post-breakup insomnia is usually a type of acute insomnia — a brief period of sleeplessness that happens because of life circumstances. According to the National Sleep Foundation, this type of insomnia usually resolves itself on its own within a few days or weeks. During this period, you can make some simple lifestyle changes to fall asleep easier — try to go to bed at the same time every day, cut down on your caffeine intake, and develop a routine to relax before bed, such as taking a bath or reading a book. You can also try practice calming your thoughts, for example by doing guided meditation or breathing exercises.
But although most of us are sad after a breakup, for some, breakups can trigger depressive episodes. And changes in your sleeping habits are one sign that your post-breakup blues may have tipped from "just sadness" into something more serious. (Other signs are changes in appetite, hygiene, and concentration, as well as feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, or hopelessness.)
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After a breakup, "the first 30 days or so is just part of the natural grieving process," Chloe Carmichael, PhD, a psychologist in New York City, previously told Refinery29. But if you’re still experiencing these symptoms after that, she added, it’s a time to seek professional support. And hey, going to therapy after a breakup is almost always a good idea, anyway.
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