I’ll Never Achieve “Facial Harmony” & I’m Okay With That

“Well, I can see what the problem is,” said the surgeon, adjusting his glasses. “The bulbous tip, the bump on your bridge… I think rhinoplasty will provide you with the overall facial harmony that you’re looking for.” 

It was 2015 and the first time I’d heard the term. I was sitting in a stuffy, windowless room off London’s Harley Street while a doctor poked and prodded my nose — the nose I would eventually have nipped and tucked the following year. Some months later, not content with the initial result, I’d have a second, corrective operation.

Fast-forward to 2024 and that phrase — “facial harmony” — is no longer solely in the vocabulary of professional doctors. Now, it blares at me from my phone screen as soon as I open TikTok and Instagram. “Good features, bad facial harmony,” read hundreds of captions among a staggering 235.9 million TikTok posts on the topic that go back as far as 2019. Most, though, have been uploaded in the past few months. Almost always filmed by young women, these videos zoom in on an eye, a nose or a pair of lips. Individually, there’s nothing “wrong” with these features, the videos suggest. But from afar? Together? Supposedly they look “odd”. Facial harmony has left the chat. 

I like to think that at the age of 31 and with a decade of experience in the beauty industry, I’m immune to social media trends like this one. I’m an adult! I should know better! But we’re devoting more time to our online presence than ever before. A 2024 report by Datareportal found that the average internet user spends six hours and 40 minutes a day online. It reports that, according to GWI, the typical social media user passes two hours and 23 minutes on social media. It’s little wonder that the line between reality and apps like TikTok often feels blurred, and it’s no coincidence that some of us are having a crisis of self-confidence. Were we ever meant to see our faces this much?

I want to tell you that “facial harmony” is a load of rubbish. It is a recognized term in the aesthetics industry but that doesn’t make it any less problematic. Dr. Jonny Betteridge, aesthetics doctor and trainer at JB Aesthetics, tells me that the concept of facial harmony has long been a “fundamental principle” in aesthetics and refers to the “balance and proportion of facial features”. Likewise, Mr. Naveen Cavale, consultant plastic surgeon at Real Plastic Surgery, tells me that in aesthetics there are “idealized golden proportions” in relation to the face. However, they’re entirely subjective. “I might look at someone and think they have a large or small nose compared to their face, and so for me, to make it more ‘harmonious’ so to speak, is to make it ‘fit in’ with the proportions that I think are right,” says Mr. Cavale. The problem? “What I think is ‘harmonious’ might not be what the next person — or even the patient — thinks.” Opinions vary from person to person across genders, cultures, ethnicities and ages, says Mr. Cavale. 

While the term “facial harmony” might carry some weight in the aesthetics industry — an industry that makes money from our insecurities — it has lately been misconstrued to mean something different. Now, it equates to symmetry, which is a totally impossible feat. Mr. Cavale reports speaking to plenty of young women in his clinic who are convinced that perfect facial symmetry is achievable with surgery and tweakments like filler. “It just isn’t,” says Mr. Cavale. “Our bodies are different left and right. Our heart is on the left side, our liver is on the right — and the same thing is true for the face, on which we have dominant sides. Our facial bones are not even the same left or right, and there’s not much you can do about that with surgery.” Mr. Cavale also says that our perception can be skewed; what you deem to be symmetrical might not actually be that way at all. Think of it like taking a selfie and your phone suddenly flipping the image. 

It comes as no surprise to learn that facial harmony videos are a bad influence on our mental health, and this is especially evident in the comments sections. “I have bad features but good facial harmony too 😭😭,” complains one TikToker. For others, facial harmony videos exacerbate deep-rooted insecurities: “My face is so asymmetric, and my nostrils are the worst. I feel this so hard.” A handful of people in the comments even invite others to rate their features with no-holds-barred honesty — a fast track to developing a complex. 

On a deeper level, our quest for perfect symmetry hints at something far more sinister. There is increasing evidence that social media exacerbates body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), which can manifest in obsessive thoughts and feelings about your body or facial features. Experts are referring to it as “Snapchat dysmorphia”. 

Dr. Betteridge agrees that the rise of social media filters, which can alter facial features to create an exaggerated sense of symmetry and “perfection”, has influenced public perception and increased awareness of facial harmony. “TikTok trends emphasizing facial perfection and symmetry [are] problematic,” he concludes. “They often send the message that value is placed on achieving an unattainable standard of beauty, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.” The idea that we should alter our natural appearance to fit a certain mould is unequivocally damaging to our mental health and body image, says Dr. Betteridge. 

Here’s another thing: Symmetry isn’t just unattainable — it’s not desirable, according to Dr. Betteridge. “Each side of our face has its own unique characteristics and subtle differences that contribute to our individuality and natural beauty,” he explains. The quest for symmetry is where things can get dangerous. I know a few doctors who refuse to perform certain “face balancing” or “face harmonizing” procedures for fear of side effects, some potentially even fatal. 

Take the non-surgical nose job, for example, which enlists injectable hyaluronic acid filler to change the shape of the nose. Our noses are complex structures packed with blood vessels and there have been various reports of filler making its way into the blood supply, blocking it and leading to necrosis (dying skin tissue), and even blindness. The risks soar in the hands of unqualified injectors. The American Board of Cosmetic Surgery notes that non-surgical injectables such as filler require "specific training, knowledge and skill" to administer safely.

I know firsthand that injectables don’t always go to plan. Last year, in a bid to achieve a smoother, sculpted — and yes, more harmonious — face, I opted for Botox. But bad placement led to self-esteem-shattering results that caused my eyebrows and eyelids to droop significantly. Unlike filler, Botox cannot be dissolved. I simply had to wait until it wore off. In that time, I was faced with a hard truth: There was nothing wrong with my face to begin with. It got me thinking about my 2015 nose job and while I don’t regret my surgeries, I’ve realized all these years later that it wasn’t the silver bullet I imagined it to be. 

Sometimes I look back on my old nose with fondness. It complemented my strong jaw and even stronger eyebrows. My nose suits me now — but it did before surgery. Today, being older and less concerned with my looks, I don’t necessarily believe my nose is more “harmonious” than before. I often think about what I could have spent the money on instead: driving lessons and a car; a deposit on an apartment; a round-the-world trip. Instead, I chased the ideal face. The reality is that I would never have caught up, because a perfectly symmetrical, harmonious face doesn’t exist. 

Both Mr. Cavale and Dr. Betteridge drive home the importance of setting realistic expectations. If you head to Dr. Betteridge’s clinic, there’s even a chance that you might be turned away. He is very open about refusing clients who want tweakments that don’t align with his code of ethics. “Influencers and professionals in the industry [should] promote realistic and healthy beauty standards,” stresses Dr. Betteridge, who is leading the charge against the misuse of dermal filler and overfilled lips. He advises anyone interested in tweakments — for whatever reason — to be cautious of any surgeon or aesthetician who promises perfect facial symmetry. “It’s a red flag if a professional guarantees something that is not realistically achievable,” he warns. Mr. Cavale concurs: “I never promise total symmetry to someone because it doesn’t exist. The world is not symmetric; no cell is symmetric. It’s simply not achievable.” 

To discourage tweakments would be hypocritical of me and neither would it reflect our stance at Refinery29, which respects decisions like these, provided you’re safe and making the right choice for you. Personally, though? Striving for facial harmony is a drain on my time, energy and bank account — and I no longer want it.