Every day at 2 a.m., Elizabeth* and her parents woke up to commute from Tijuana, Mexico, to her school in San Diego, California. This was her daily routine from grade school until high school graduation. When Elizabeth moved to the U.S. for college and work, her parents expected her to send home remittances.
At first, she gladly sent any spare money she could from each pay cycle. To her surprise, her parents soon became almost entirely dependent on her. They even expected a cut of the financial aid refund checks she intended to use on food or housing. Now, 13 years later, Elizabeth, 31, continues to be her parents’ main provider.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
“When you’re 18, it’s like, ‘Oh my god, I’m rich.’ To be able to provide for my parents initially gave me a sense of pride, but then it just never stopped. The older I got, the quantities of money just got bigger,” Elizabeth tells Refinery29 Somos. “It has built up a lot of resentment and has gotten in the way of my own family planning, house ownership, retirement, and other financial goals. It’s a sore subject.”
“
"It has built up a lot of resentment and has gotten in the way of my own family planning, house ownership, retirement, and other financial goals. It’s a sore subject."
Elizabeth
”
Many Latinas in the U.S. are financially responsible for their relatives. Consequently, many have no choice but to make tough financial decisions, like taking on debt they can’t afford to pay back or using all of their savings on their family, which can delay their own economic progress. A majority of Latinas say they often feel pressure to support their family in some way, whether it’s caring for children or elderly family members, providing financial assistance, or living close to family, according to a 2024 Pew Research Center report. Elizabeth, for example, says her parents resent her for not living in a bigger home that could house them as well, even though her current living space is what she can comfortably afford.
Talking about personal finances can be taboo in many Latine homes, particularly because of familismo, or the cultural importance Latines place on maintaining strong family loyalty, closeness, and getting along with and contributing to the well-being of the nuclear and extended family. Latines of all financial positions feel this pressure. Even affluent Latines say they feel motivated — and stressed — by the desire to financially provide for their families and make them proud, according to a 2024 Merrill Lynch survey.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
Denver-based tech leader and entrepreneur Aimara Rodriguez was 22 when she earned her way to a six-figure salary. But her early 20s brought about difficult moments in which she had to step in and become the full financial provider for family members. As the only daughter and the only one who had a well-paying job, Rodriguez felt like she had to step up: She lent over $50,000 to help her relatives pay off debt; she helped them manage through layoffs; and a few times, she moved in with her siblings to help them afford their rent.
“I started to equate my value with the financial support I could offer, which deeply influenced my approach to money. I was always bracing for emergencies, often at the expense of spending on things that brought me joy or for goals that I had,” Rodriguez says. “While it has been a profound blessing to support my loved ones, it also involves complexities such as setting boundaries and managing the emotional toll of these responsibilities.”
“
"A majority of Latinas say they often feel pressure to support their family in some way, whether it’s caring for children or elderly family members, providing financial assistance, or living close to family."
Zameena mejia
”
For Vicky Silva, becoming financially responsible for her mother as a 30-something came as a surprise. As an only child, she always anticipated supporting her mother, but not this soon.
“It was scary. I've never really had to worry about my mistakes because, for the most part, they only affected me. Now, I am much more careful, anxious, scared to make mistakes that will not only affect me but her as well,” Silva says. “It's an honor to help out my mom as much as I do. She's the reason why I work hard to earn as much as possible to take care of her and myself.’
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
Silva has spent the last three years job-hopping to improve her salary to assist her mom. She lovingly supports her mother, but this means she can’t pay off debt, build emergency and sinking funds, or invest in her retirement and brokerage accounts.
“I've been wanting to live on my own since I was 21, but due to some hardships both in my life and my mom's, I haven't. It made me feel like a failure being in my mid-30s and still not having gotten the chance to move out,” Silva says.
“
"I started to equate my value with the financial support I could offer, which deeply influenced my approach to money. I was always bracing for emergencies, often at the expense of spending on things that brought me joy or for goals that I had."
Aimara Rodriguez
”
While it hasn’t been easy, Elizabeth, Rodriguez, and Silva each set financial boundaries with their families: Elizabeth directly pays the bills her parents need help with to curb their mismanagement of cash; Rodriguez finally moved out on her own and spoke with her family about the pressure she felt to always come to their rescue; and Silva communicates with her mom about which payments are within her means.
Balancing Latines’ collectivist money values with America’s individualistic ones of independence, self-reliance, and prioritizing one’s own financial needs can lead to a total culture clash, explains Giovanna González, a financial educator and author of Cultura & Cash. Instead of feeling like you need to choose one cultural norm over the other, González recommends taking a bicultural approach to managing your money, allowing you to adopt or reject what does and doesn’t work for you.
“We broke into corporate America. We're making stable salaries with benefits. A lot of us are in a better position than our parents or generations before, but we’re also building wealth from the negative. A lot of us have student loans or debt and have no sort of generational wealth to help speed up our progress,” González says. “A lot of us are very close-knit to our families and we want to love and honor and support them, but we matter, too. Our finances matter, too. Many of us don’t have the tools to set financial boundaries in place.”
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
“
"A lot of us are very close-knit to our families and we want to love and honor and support them, but we matter, too. Our finances matter, too."
Giovanna González
”
González, also known as The First Gen Mentor to more than 227,000 followers across social media platforms, has developed a framework called the “First Gen Five,” which consists of five financial pillars that can make the biggest change in your finances as a first-generation wealth-builder. In her book, each chapter helps readers navigate these pillars with their families.
“A lot of us feel indebted to our family because of the sacrifices they've made for us, but those were choices that our parents made for us out of love, not for them to come back and collect their debt,” González says. “If you give money out of guilt, pressure, or fear of receiving backlash, know that eventually, with time, you'll end up resenting those that you love.”
Somos spoke with González about how the five pillars can help ensure you can financially support your family on your terms and without sacrificing your well-being and goals.
Build an emergency fund.
An emergency fund is a bucket of money you have set aside for unexpected situations like an emergency room visit, a car crash, or a work layoff. You can create a strong emergency fund by setting aside at least three to six months of basic monthly living expenses, ideally in a high-yield savings account. González says building an emergency fund is nonnegotiable because for many first-generation wealth-builders; it’s our first and only safety net.
If your family looks to you as their safety net, especially in times of emergency, González recommends creating an emergency fund for your family that’s separate from the pool of money you have saved for yourself. Working on building two funds at once might take a while, but it’s ultimately for your security and peace of mind.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
Budget your money.
Instead of looking at budgeting as a restrictive exercise in what you can’t or shouldn’t spend, González recommends looking at your budget as a road map that will bring your financial dreams to life. If you know you have an ongoing need to support your family, include that as a line item in your budget.
“Whether you’re regularly helping your mom pay for her rent or helping your grandparents pay for the electricity bill, create line items for these in your own budget,” González says. “If you’re paying but aren’t budgeting for these, you're not accurately capturing the true picture of where your money is going.”
For other big expenses your family needs your help to cover, create a sinking fund for them. In her book, González gives this example: if you want to save $1,000 for a family emergency or a large expense within a year, divide that number by 12 and make a habit of saving toward that goal each month.
Manage and pay off debt.
First, check how much debt you owe and find ways to cut down your spending. This can include cooking more meals at home, canceling subscription services you no longer use, or switching to a cheaper phone plan. Since there’s only so much you can cut down on, González also recommends finding ways to increase your income, whether it’s by asking for a raise at work, job hopping, or picking up a side gig. That extra cash can go toward paying above your minimum payments, which will get you out of debt faster.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
González also notes that taking on debt for family members can be tricky. Before taking out a loan or racking up credit card debt for them, she recommends these three steps: First, understand that taking on large amounts of debt has consequences, such as making you less desirable to lenders if you need to take out your own loan for a purchase like a car or home mortgage. Next, if you decide to loan money, suggest a repayment plan. Lastly, set a boundary if you feel uncomfortable with your family’s asks. As González writes in her book, saying no to taking on debt doesn’t make you a bad daughter or relative.
Build your and your family’s credit,
Building and maintaining a good credit score is crucial for renting or buying a home, making big purchases like a laptop or car insurance, taking out loans, or determining potential employment eligibility. Using credit cards responsibly and intentionally is the best way to build your own credit, González says. This looks like using your credit cards for just a few spending categories like groceries or gas, only making purchases you can afford to pay in full by the end of the month, and always paying off your statement balances.
To help your loved ones set themselves up for financial success, González says you can also help them build their credit by adding a trusted, responsible family member as an authorized user to your credit card. Helping them establish credit history will boost their credit score and give them better lending rates in the future.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
Invest your money.
Investing is crucial for first gens who don’t receive the benefits of generation wealth. Investing in the stock market through 401(k) or 403(b) workplace retirement accounts is the easiest way for first gens to start investing, González notes, but if that’s not available to you, check if you qualify for an individual retirement arrangement (IRAs) like a Roth IRA or traditional IRA and maximize your contributions. These accounts can help lead you to a dignified retirement.
If you’re responsible for helping your parents figure out their retirement plan, González advises teaching them how to take advantage of any retirement benefits they might have access to in their workplace or helping them open non-workplace retirement accounts like a Roth IRA or traditional IRA. For Latines responsible for younger members of their families, investing in a 529 account for college expenses can help future generations avoid student debt.
*Editor's note: Some sources have decided to only share their first name for privacy.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT