Jack-O’-Lanterns We Want, But Will Never Be Able To Carve

I always start my Halloween season in the same way: with grand visions of carving the most amazing jack-o'-lantern, making homemade Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters, and creating an amazing costume to answer the door in. Then, I kind of forget that it's Halloween season until October 30th, have a total meltdown, reprimand myself for being such a damn procrastinator, and end up buying a grab bag of assorted candies of an ungodly size from CVS. Needless to say, I have not carved a pumpkin (or made a costume, for that matter). So this year, I am just going to be honest with myself: I'm terrible at home crafts, and I am never going to make this all happen. But that doesn't mean I can't torture myself look at pumpkin art that is a feast for the eyes. If I could do it, what would I carve? Maybe Elsa from Frozen?

Nah — that's kid stuff. Time to let it go. Sorry, focus: maybe something a little more Halloween-y, like this guy's whole (satanist-inspired?) farm scene on a huge pumpkin face.

Maybe that's a little too involved. Ooh, look here! This one has nothing to do with Halloween, but it's carved out of pumpkin flesh and, I mean, hello — impressive, am I right?

Okay, no big deal; this person just used Michelangelo’s Sistine Chapel masterpiece as inspiration for a pumpkin (show-off).

Or, if I were feeling less Italian and more Dutch, I could use my pumpkin to reproduce Van Gogh's Starry Night:

Or maybe go a little less moody — but still arty — with Norman Rockwell?

Oh! Maybe a creepy Chesire Cat?

Or just plain scary and aggressive with a wolf face.

Or, for full-on art-installation status, I could go all Ray Villafane (Master of Pumpkin Carving) and create my worst nightmare: a zombie apocalypse.

OMG, are you kidding me?

This is...I have no words.

On the upside, I love that this one tries to encourage me.

But you know what? No, Walt Disney. I may dream of making great jack-o'-lanterns, but that doesn't mean I'll ever have the skill (or patience) to accomplish this level of pumpkin artistry.