Hump, Marry, Kill: Okay, Amy Schumer, Let’s Be Bosom Buddies

Hump: Oh, you thought I was going to talk about Jon Snow here, didn’t you? No, I’m not going to ramble on for the third week in a row about my current obsession, Game of Thrones, but I just wanted to casually start with the cave scene from this week’s episode because that was some quality TV sexing. Who knew the former man of the Night’s Watch had another valuable skill besides being good with his sword? (Sorry, I will see myself out.)

What I do want to talk about is New Girl. Not Nick and Jess, because it’s not even worth getting into the happiness the end of this week’s episode brought me. No, I want to talk about Dylan O’Brien, who played Jess’ prom night and playground paramour. If you watch Teen Wolf — which clearly most late 20-somethings such as yours truly definitely do — you already know him as Stiles, one of (if not the) best character on the show.

Since Teen Wolf started, O’Brien has majorly matured from undersized teen to, well, someone the producers at New Girl would deem swoon-worthy enough to romance Zooey Deschanel not once but twice in a pivotal episode. He was also pretty damn funny in those awkward tiny castle scenes. And if you want to watch some more adorable Dylan action, rent The First Time, which is about exactly what you think it is.

Marry: To be honest, Amy Schumer has never been my favorite comedian. But every once in awhile, I have to take a step back and realize that maybe her brand of crude sexual humor isn’t exactly what speaks to me — and if networks picked TV shows based solely on what I like, the airwaves would be full of will-they/won’t-they sitcoms, high-school musicals, and a channel that’s all Adam Scott and Jon Hamm, all the time (you’re welcome for that idea, executives reading this). So, I’ll be an adult and admit that her new show, Inside Amy Schumer, is clever and interesting, especially the woman-on-the-street interviews. It also earned Comedy Central’s highest ratings ever for a premiere, so Mazel Tov, Amy. [Dreidel] game recognizes [dreidel] game. Let me know if you want to get some fro-yo and pinot and hit up a J-date event or something.

Kill: I don’t hate Zach Stone/Bo Burnham so much as I hate the fact that I will watch every episode of Zach Stone Is Gonna be Famous, MTV’s new fake reality show about a recent high school grad who hires a camera crew to follow him around in hopes of becoming “famous.”