The Evolution Of Internet Thirst With Hunter Harris & Peyton Dix

You might have thought being the only Black girls at a liberal arts college in Boston brought us together, but really it was horniness. And opinions about horniness, specifically fighting about horniness. Our first hot-or-not debate — one of many to come — was over our Intro to Film professor. Hunter was correct, he was hot (for someone who made us watch Nanook of the North). But Peyton is a Taurus and will not admit she is wrong. She is also a lesbian.

And now, ten years older and maybe a few Oprah “What I Know For Sure” essays wiser, we’ve both come around and so has the culture. It’s normal to talk about who’s keeping your attention and what’s turning you on. We are released from the shackles of the early 2000s and pretending Tyler Perry putting Shemar Moore in a cornrow lacefront was socially acceptable and from the hell of thinking about five white men named Chris. Now, men are competing for rizz and Aubrey Graham is always losing. Women are realizing they’re bi so Peyton is always winning. In 2024, a thotty caption is just good marketing. A sexy Instagram story is simply field research. While Tyler Perry’s wig department is still at large — when I catch you — we now live in a world where what is defined as hot can be so vast, it can be anyone and anything. Thirst trapping is everyone’s game to play and we’re going for the gold. 

Thirst is and has always been the great unifier. Horny culture has brought people together for ages. Why do you think Gladiator was such a success in 2000 and why do you think they’re making a sequel? A marker of a good film is one about thigh (see: Challengers). What is television about if not arm (The Bear) or jaw (anything with Manny Jacinto)? God forbid it took Normani damn near a decade to give you an album of perfect makeout music! And now thirst is a full-time job. There are now over 3 million creators on OnlyFans. Smut is taking over TikTok. Audio erotica is on the rise and bringing every lesbian with a pulse on the ride. I mean, have you ever spoken to a social media editor? Half of their job is being horny on main. We are one nation united under the comment section of Rihanna’s latest Instagram posts.

But horniness has expanded its meaning — brands are horny now, sports are horny again, late night hosts regularly put a gun to a celebrity’s head and make them read their own thirst tweets. Men are going to Turkey to get hair transplants and you can’t scroll for five minutes without the worst Medspa in your neighborhood insisting you need a syringe of Botox or filler. Tread lightly! Desire is never straightforward. We are grown; looksmaxxing will only get the right person so far. We are not 24-years-old anymore, thank God. Our standards are not just different, they’re higher and hyper specific. Good luck to Paul Mescal and his tiny shorts and Glenn Powell and that tiny dog. Step up Miguel on Love Island USA (though we do own property in Soul Ties). Forget a six pack, or a guy with a trust fund, 6'5", blue eyes. We raise you a man who is quiet during Housewives. If you really want to talk about something sexy, let’s discuss Global Entry. Let’s talk about having a phone charger in every room of the house. You want to talk dirty? Tell me about your 401K match. Imagine a partner who happily takes the cardboard recycling down to the curb from your fourth-floor walk-up. I’m looking for someone who regularly tips bartenders 20%. 

In this package, we wanted to hold space for the horny context of all in which we live (the smuttiest, sultriest romance novels) and what came before us (is the thirst trap dead?). Thirst Week 2024 features a few club classics: a profile of a man responsible for current sexual awakenings across America, and important on-the-ground reporting about the WNBA, a league responsible for lesbian awakenings worldwide. You’ll also find the Unbothered team’s unfiltered opinions on what makes us horny. This week, we promise there’s a little something for everyone and you may want to lower your brightness before you read these stories in public. 

Virtue is a trait of the past and we’d like to leave it there. (This isn’t Little Women! Today, Jo would be a lesbian, Emma Watson never would’ve replaced Emma Stone in that movie, Amy would still steal Jo’s man, and with a Zyrtec Beth would be, well, alive.) It’s never been more safe to let your freak flag fly. I mean, hello, the cinematic excellence that is the Magic Mike series exists. If the Milwaukee Public Library can lean into the freaky-deeky, so can you. Shameless stock is going up and we are cashing out (cannot stress enough that all our financial knowledge comes from Wolf of Wall Street and Industry). 

Life is short. Live a little. Don’t overthink your thirst — this is a place for thrilling, dramatic desire. Only you can decide what moves you, we’re just making some suggestions. Everything else can be serious. Clutching your chest at the way A'ja Wilson handles that ball doesn’t require a think piece, but it is further proof of why everyone wants a basketball wife. So bark and awooga in the comments of Damson Idris’s IG. Wear the titty top. Go ten white polish pedicured toes down. Slide into DMs. Send the crazy text. If you’re going to heart the IG story, you better heart every single post. We thirst, therefore we are.