Hump, Marry, Kill: Going Buckwild With MTV

Hump: Although I’d be terrified to meet her in real life, I temporarily have a new favorite person. Her name is Anna, and she’s one of the nine West Virginians shoved under the microscope on MTV’s newest exploitative reality foray, Buckwild. She may seem sweet at first, but holy hell, when this chick gets a little alcohol in her (or gets even mildly perturbed about, well, anything), you had best not be on the receiving end of that wrath. She will call you out on all of your sh*t, or just punch you in the face if you ask her to quiet down. If we somehow woke up tomorrow in a Walking Dead situation, I’d want to be with Anna. Since that’s not the world we live in, though, I’m totally cool with her staying in West Virginia while I just admire her gumption from the safety of my couch in New York.

Marry: Pop quiz: What do you guys remember about the female characters in Superbad? That one of them was Emma Stone, right? Yep, that movie pretty much launched her career, but how about the other actresses tasked with romancing Michael Cera’s Evan and McLovin? Ever think about them? No? Well, too bad, because I’m about to update you on their whereabouts.

The actress who played Becca, Evan’s adorable, Goldschläger-loving, math-class crush (Martha MacIsaac) is back on 1600 Penn, NBC’s new sitcom that’s basically Tommy Boy meets Veep — but so far, not as funny as either. Josh Gad (Jake Gyllenhaal’s creepy brother in Love and Other Drugs, as well as a Tony nominee for his role in The Book of Mormon) is the president’s ne’er-do-well black sheep of a son, while MacIsaac plays the first daughter who’s named Becca again, and is pretty much the grown-up version of her character from Superbad (I’m guessing the name thing is just a coincidence).

In the pilot, Becca is relegated to two B-plots: She hates her stepmother (yawn), and she accidentally gets knocked up (interesting). Whether 1600 Penn will be another Parks and Recreation or merely a forgettable NBC one-seasoner remains to be seen, but it’s nice to see Becca all grown up, living in the White House, and still making horrible mistakes while under the influence. For continuity’s sake, let’s say Goldschläger is still her potent potable of choice.

(1600 Penn is currently on demand and online, and it premieres January 10 at 9:30/8:30c.)

Kill: Remember the time Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosted the Academy Awards, and Franco was so morosely taciturn that Anne tried to overcompensate by spending the whole show in a manic state that made it seem like she had done a bunch of whippets backstage? Yeah, Jenny McCarthy was channeling Hathaway hard on New Year’s Eve.

She was rockin’ (lame pun intended — apologies to the late Dick Clark) harder than necessary to whip the already hyped-up crowd (which is impressive given they’ve spent the past 10 hours standing in a fenced-in pen in 20-degree weather, but I guess watching a YouTube video performed live is exciting to some folks.

Jenny, listen to me — nay, to them. They’re already cheering. It’s New Year’s Eve. There’s not much more they can do to demonstrate their jubilation about the date changing from December 31, 2012 to January 1, 2013. There’s no need to make out with strangers, dear.

I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to see more of Pitbull or Ryan Seacrest (two of my least favorite people) in my life.