My Nail Tech Became The Therapist I Never Knew I Needed. Is That Normal?

Your secrets aren’t safe with me, mainly because I have a memory like a sieve and will always forget being sworn to secrecy. But I’ll tell you who they are safe with: my manicurist. 

Leading up to a nail appointment, I eagerly trawl Pinterest and TikTok for nail art inspiration — something that my manicurist, Mariana Augusto aka Nails.by.Mana, does exceptionally well. But as much as I look forward to feeling reborn (there’s nothing like a fresh set to boost your confidence), what I value most is our deep chats. 

The second I walk into Augusto’s home salon, the problems that weighed heavy on my shoulders suddenly dissipate. I don’t usually dive into my emotions so it has been an unexpected surprise to find myself opening up to her. I’ve found myself sharing things that I haven’t expressed to my friends, my sister or even my parents. Whether it’s about my train wreck of a dating life or just simple gossip, there’s solace in confiding in Augusto. She listens, responds and gives advice free of judgment, encouraging me to lay bare my feelings.

I'm lucky to have found her — and it made me wonder: Have other nail technicians unintentionally become their clients’ therapists, too?  

Considering you’re in the salon chair for an hour at a time — maybe more depending on your chosen nail style — the instinct to overshare while getting a gel manicure seems to be a common experience. Freelance beauty journalist Lauren Gordon, 23, tells me, “It’s nice to get some things off my chest, especially if I’ve felt like there’s people I couldn’t tell.” She continues: “My nail tech [has] made a really safe space for me; I’m never worried about her sharing what I tell her. Plus, she doesn’t personally know anyone that I sometimes talk about, so I doubt [their] paths will cross, which encourages me to yap more!”

Rebecca Feinglos, 35, tells me she derived comfort from getting her nails done amid her marriage breakdown. “I knew my nail tech and [the] salon [felt like] a safe place for me,” she says. “It was just a handful of women at a time, and if I cried, no one would judge me. There were no TVs and because my nails were being worked on, I couldn’t use my phone. There was nothing to watch or distract me from the person who was holding my hands. I felt very safe with her.” Feinglos’ manicurist encouraged her to let it all out. “I cried with my nail tech about how stressful things were at home. She listened as she held my hands, encouraging me to share whatever I wanted. I let my guard down [with her].”

Feinglos, Gordon and I aren’t alone. On TikTok, the phrase “my nail tech is my therapist” serves up hundreds of videos in which users admit to divulging their secrets to their manicurists. From careers to relationships, it seems nothing is off limits. For some, sharing the burden of their problems with a nail tech is even considered “girl math”, helping us justify how we spend our money. Though concerning, it's understandable considering the limited access to mental health services.

To find out why we feel so comfortable oversharing with our manicurists, I reached out to Tasha Bailey, a therapist and author of Real Talk: Lessons From Therapy On Healing & Self-Love. Bailey tells me, “Nail salons are intentionally designed to be calm, soothing environments where we can relax, making us less likely to overthink or overly curate our conversations.” An added bonus is the intimate, caring touch of a nail technician tending to our hands, she says. “Gentle touch activates the parasympathetic nervous system and lowers cortisol [or stress hormone] levels, leaving us feeling safer, freer and more comfortable opening up about our thoughts and emotions.”

Luxury manicurist Alex Philamond says that when a client confides in him about their personal life, his “hat-tip approval” signals trust, comfort and safety. That’s when I had something of a revelation: I disclose things like my dating life to my nail technician, rather than my friends and family, because I’m apprehensive of facing judgement.

Bailey explains: “Just like with a therapist, the anonymity and casual demeanor of a nail technician can make many of us feel freer to overshare. We’re less held back by the fear of judgment compared to conversations with friends or family.” Bailey reminds me that manicurists are also impartial. “The stakes are low when it comes to practicing our vulnerability,” she adds. 

There are limits, though. The social interaction that our nail appointments provide undoubtedly has a positive impact on our mental health. But for all the viral TikToks that suggest beauty therapists moonlight as actual therapists, there are a handful which highlight the mental toll this can take on them. It has a name: “trauma dumping”, essentially offloading on someone who isn’t qualified to deal with what they’re being told. 

Knowing this, it would be remiss of me not to check in with my own nail tech. I asked Augusto how she feels about being not only my confidante but a listening ear to her multiple other clients, too. “It feels really special to know that my clients feel comfortable enough to share all the good and bad things that happen in their lives,” Augusto tells me. “I love knowing that they feel safe enough in my space to want to share these moments with me.” However, Augusto isn't immune to “compassion fatigue”, essentially psychological stress as a result of listening to — and empathizing with — clients sharing their struggles. She says: “I sometimes find it difficult when clients trauma dump [and] sometimes I am super exhausted and burnt out; I feel as though I’m not able to respond in the most compassionate way despite how I truly feel. I’m also a super sensitive flower so [it's hard] to not take away some of the things that are shared.”

Happily, Augusto says she has built trust with her clients and isn’t afraid to let them know when she’s feeling low or run-down. “We put on a TV show or film on my iPad, which means I can take a step back from the social side of my job,” she says.

Bailey suggests it's normal to feel exposed, misunderstood or even judged after sharing something intimate with someone like your nail technician. If it tips into trauma dumping, however, it can leave us with a “vulnerability hangover”, potentially leading to feelings of anxiety and embarrassment. “This is when regret sets in,” says Bailey. “[We] question how much we shared, worry about what our nail tech might think of us, and even convince ourselves never to go back.” If you think the conversation is veering into deep territory and you’re wondering if you should go any further, simply ask permission. “Are you okay with me talking about this?” is a good place to start. If you're struggling, Mental Health America and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention offer information to help and support your mental wellbeing.

Bailey reminds me that the conversation you have with your manicurist is likely one of many they had that day. As such, it's imperative to be aware of how they are responding. There’s a big difference between a short rant at your manicurist and seeing a qualified therapist, especially if the situation you’re talking about is negatively impacting your life. While you may have fostered trust with your nail technician over the years, licensed therapists have had appropriate training which enables them to deal with (and compartmentalize) what you’re telling them. They are better positioned to offer you helpful, meaningful advice. On the other hand, it’s likely that your beauty technician isn’t prepared for an intense offloading.

Manicures are often considered self-care so how do our nail artists prioritize their wellbeing? “I think this is something every nail artist struggles with,” says Augusto. “I find it super difficult to prioritize my wellbeing while working for myself and delivering a service,” she adds. “So although I am [...] ready to cater to my clients’ needs at all times, I feel like I need to get better at setting boundaries.” As noted by journalist Viola Levy recently, the beauty industry lacks training to help professionals set those much-needed boundaries.

I found my nail tech on my Instagram Explore page but I never expected that my appointments would lead to self-discovery and introspection. If, like me, you’ve found a nail technician who you trust with your secrets as well as a pair of cuticle nippers, then you’re pretty lucky. Regardless of how long you’ve been their client, though, they'll appreciate you being mindful of what you share with them.