Hump, Marry, Kill: Oprah Gets Tough

Hump: Marnie is definitely not my favorite character on Girls. Someone that pretty and put-together who is still being supported financially by her parents wouldn’t live in Greenpoint and be that insecure. I don’t mean to make grand sweeping generalizations, but that’s the impression life has given me thus far about people like Marnie. That said, I still have a pretty big girl crush on Allison Williams. In the season premiere, she made it pretty clear that she has a classy-nudity clause in her contract (read: everything but nipple; side boob covered by mermaid-style hair cascades if need be), made out (and then some) with a Tony nominee (check that off her bucket list), and then got to cuddle with adorable milquetoast Charlie in his handmade bunk bed.

What really locked her in on this category this week, however, was her guest spot on The Mindy Project, where (I think it’s safe to assume) she’s going to date Christopher Messina for a few episodes until the writers decide to resume his will-they-won’t-they plotline with Mindy. Williams’ character meets Dr. Castellano in the E.R., wearing an eyepatch and gym clothes. Granted, she looks amazing in gym clothes, but still, I never seem to meet handsome doctors when I’m wearing gym clothes. Some fictional characters just have all the luck, you know?

Oh, and there’s also this YouTube video of her performing Gabriella’s part in the seminal High School Musical classic, “Breaking Free” (which no, I don’t listen to on Spotify frequently).

Marry: “Were you a bully? Tell me how you were a bully.” Oprah scored one of the most coveted interviews of her career when Lance Armstrong appeared on Oprah’s Next Chapter to finally come clean about doping when he was a competitive cyclist. He remained surprisingly calm for someone basically admitting his career was built on a web of lies, but Oprah pressed on, in her firm, no-nonsense style, even forcing Armstrong to watch tapes of himself testifying (and lying) about using performance-enhancing drugs. How many other interviewers could get an athlete accused of doping to sit for an hour-long inquisition? You go, Oprah.

Kill: Who tuned in to the premiere of Sex and the City: The Boring Years on Monday night? I’ve already made my feelings on Anna Sophia Robb quite clear, but she’s not my biggest problem with the show. I really just don’t get the Austin Butler thing. His character, Sebastian Kydd, is supposed to be this mysterious, rich loner to whom teenage Carrie lusts after, like, uh, grown-up Carrie to Mr. Big. What about “extremely skinny, blond-haired, blue-eyed, former Nickelodeon and Disney star” screamed “potential bad boy and de-virginizer” to the casting directors (and Vanessa Hudgens, Butler’s real-life girlfriend)? He looks more like a waspy, teenage Hugh Grant. Fail.