Patti Problems - Funny Tumblr

Last week, when we heard the same one-liners the same night at three different spots around the city — from three different girls, no less — we started feeling a little suspicious. Was there a Mean Girls sequel we didn't know about? Turns out, we were right to have our guard up — over a marathon Thursday g-chat session (you know the ones that start at 9:03 a.m. and end with a cocktail), we discovered the source of those pervasive quips.

Enter: Tumblr #PattiProblems, a new viral voice that's best described as Suri's Burn Book meets Rich Kids On Insta meets a Republican (but gay-friendly) Regina George in NYC. We winced at the stereotypes and generalizations (plus, the fashion taste is of the Elle Woods' variety), but we also love-to-hate Heathers. Though it's only been a few days since the site's officially launched, we've already been forwarded the link from enough randoms to figure it might just be a matter of time before our neighbor's cousin visiting from out-of-town will be quoting it. So, we tapped the anonymous author — on Twitter, naturally — for an exclusive interview and got to know the "troubles" (heavy, heavy air quotations) she's seen just a little better. Read on for the LOL answers (hint: which celeb she can't stand right now) and get hooked. Or, don't.

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What are your top three #pattiproblems?

"• This humid weather. My hair does not cooperate at all and I really don’t enjoy coming into the office looking huge. Hence I now straighten my hair at my desk.
• Breaking in new shoes. Really, it’s rough to get shoes the way you want to. Us girls have to suffer so much just to be able to wear some new heels or flats. I think I spend more money per month on Band-Aids than booze or cabs and all I do is booze and cab it. Chanel flats are the only shoes I never have to suffer to break in.

• Summer hangovers. This week I ran out of ginger ale and it’s been a big problem. If I have had too many glasses of rose or martinis the night before I really need a ginger ale before I get my iced coffee with soy milk and two Splendas or I'll feel faint. No one wants to be around me when I feel ill."

What are the websites you troll most often?
"I love the NYT Style section. Bill Cunningham is my favorite! Who else could get away with riding a bike with a cute nerdy blue jacket taking photos? If any other old man did that they would probably think it was a Law and Order SVU episode waiting to happen.
CNN. Since I generally give myself 15 minutes to get ready in the morning there is no way I have time to look at the news. What I love about CNN is that they are so ridiculously biased it can make me giggle on a stressful day. You always have to stay informed, especially on an election year. Need to know what the other side is thinking.
Suri’s Burn Book! Witty and sassy I love it! Making celeb children cry day after day."

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Who are your top celebrity inspirations?
"Suri Cruise. I mean, who does not love her. She’s a toddler and I want to be her. Kate Middleton. She’s so in shape and has the best hair in the world. She is almost so perfect that it’s a #pattiproblem. I would love to see a picture of her hungover — I bet she still looks fine. #bitch."

Which celebrities are annoying your right now?
"Blake Lively. Why is she buying a home in Bedford, does she have kids we didn’t know of? She says she eats cupcakes and does not work out which is just a lie."

Are you worried about isolating people if they can't relate to the harsh tone of the site?
"If you can’t relate to it, then don’t read it. It’s a big world out there — you don’t have to agree with everything and everyone. I would say to anyone that doesn’t like it that they clearly have no sense of humor and I am glad I don’t have to be friends with them."

Photos: Via #PattiProblems

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