How A Babymoon Restored My Sanity (And My Relationship Too!)

As a busy mom of two (ages 3 and 8 months) married for five years, I've experienced firsthand how easy it is for partnerships to take a backseat to parenting. With little ones demanding constant attention, it's tempting to focus only on their needs and easily slip into a routine where the focus shifts from "us" to "them." Before you know it, your relationship has shifted into a roommate-like dynamic, where your partner becomes just another helper in raising the kids. Date nights become distant memories, and intimacy is overshadowed by diaper changes and bedtime stories.

Social media can romanticize and paint the perfect portrait of parenthood: smiling babies, yummy baby rolls, chubby cheeks, and beautiful family photos. But behind the filtered images and carefully curated posts, we don't see the temper tantrums, cracked nipples, and sore bodies. The constant demands of childcare can leave us feeling drained, both physically and emotionally. Between sleepless nights, lack of energy to have sex or even speak to each other and endless diaper changes, it's no wonder intimacy takes a backseat. Even a simple conversation can feel like a luxury!

Today, my husband and I are in the thick of life with the little ones. Our schedules are filled to the brim with school drop-offs, overnight feedings, and diaper changes. We spend more time wiping backsides, runny noses, and spilled breast milk (if you know, you know) or tackling bedtime meltdowns and toddler outbursts than we do talking to each other, let alone being intimate. Most days, we're like two ships passing, and by day's end, we're both lying in bed scrolling on our phones until we fall asleep. And while we squeeze in date nights here and there, the children dominate our day-to-day lives. Add that on top of the rollercoaster of postpartum emotions, resentment, the mental load, and more.

Despite what we see on social media, so much of marriage is just not that sexy. And it's easy to slip into scary thoughts, especially when you see other couples that look like they have it all together: is my marriage broken? Is something wrong with us? For the healthiest partnerships, some days, it's not about how much you love your partner — it's about how much you like them. 

In spite of the romanticized images of motherhood on social media, Black mothers face a harsh reality. Statistics show we're two to three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related causes compared to white women. This disparity extends to postpartum health, with higher rates of depression and anxiety. Exhausted and overwhelmed, prioritizing self-care and a strong partnership becomes even more crucial. 

Here's what folks won't tell you on social media: seasons change. There are seasons of bliss and seasons of disconnection in your relationship. There will be times when you can't keep your hands off of each other and times when you won't even see each other walk into a room. But powering through the tough times requires intention and planning.

My husband and I were never date night people. We never thought we'd need to schedule time with each other. But soon enough, we realized just how sexy scheduling can be, which is why I insisted on taking a babymoon before our youngest daughter was born.

You know how hard it is to make it out of the group chat and onto the plane? Well, finding time for you and your partner to sneak away for a trip is even more challenging, especially when you already have a child who consumes so much of both of your time. 

While babymoons have become increasingly popular for first-time parents, skipping this indulgence for second-time parents can be tempting. After all, there's always a laundry list of things to complete on your to-do list. However, investing in your relationship can pay dividends in the long run. Being intentional about spending time together just might be the thing to save your relationship when you're in the thick of it with your kids down the road.

As a Black mom, the statistics surrounding maternal health disparities hit close to home. Knowing the risks added another layer of stress to the already demanding early months. That's why our babymoon wasn't just a luxury; it was a necessity and one of the best decisions we've ever made. It provided a much-needed escape. We spent our days lounging by the pool, reviving our connection, and simply being present with each other. It was a deliberate effort to break free from the chaotic cycle that had begun to dominate our daily lives. 

My husband and I didn't take a babymoon with our first daughter because I was pregnant during the pandemic. And with our second, we almost decided not to do anything. It was so hard to find the time to get away, not to mention navigating the guilt of leaving our oldest. But at the very last minute, we carved out the time and took a quick trip to The Thompson's The Cape Hotel in Cabo San Lucas. 

During our four-day stay, we remembered who we were as a unit, not as mom and dad, but as husband and wife. We had full conversations — without interruptions from a toddler. We got (three!) full nights' sleep and stayed in bed for hours. We laughed. We watched the sunrise. And while I know we've never forgotten how much we loved each other, the trip certainly reminded us how much we liked each other.

On my toughest days — when my toddler is trying me, and I'm desperate for sleep — I take myself back to the sliver of time we spent waking up late, laying on the beach, eating incredible food, getting dressed, and simply bonding with each other. Ultimately, it all came down to our decision to be purposeful about our time together and reminding myself that while we're currently in a season where we can't always consistently connect, we won't be there forever. As marriage and family therapist Christopher Vo shared commitment requires evolution. "Think of it as a relationship contract that requires continual renewal and intentional effort," Vo told Brides.com. 

Trust me, don't be flippant about the time you get to spend together before the whirlwind ensues. According to a study published in the Journal of Sleep, new parents can experience up to six years of sleep deprivation, as reported by The Guardian. So, taking the opportunity to be footloose and kid-free may just be the thing that helps you keep it together when your kids — and let's keep it real, your partner, too — are on your last nerve. And since busy parents can barely find the time to schedule a trip, let alone put together an itinerary, I'm sharing mine below. Meanwhile, for the mamas who want to look good and serve maternity fashion, here's what I wore during my trip. 

Initially, we arrived at the hotel in a bit of a blur, bags in hand, but the sight of the ocean instantly snapped us into vacay mode. The Ledge, the hotel's beachside restaurant, called our names, so we dropped our bags and settled into a table facing the ocean. With a mocktail in hand, I let myself unwind for the first time in what felt like forever.

After that, it was time for the ultimate luxury: an afternoon nap. There's something about a nap in a hotel bed that's unlike anything else—maybe it's the plush pillows, maybe it's knowing that time is your own, if only for a few days. Later, wrapped in our warm hotel robes, we watched the sunset and ordered room service, while enjoying the rare quiet on a private patio with no rush and nowhere else to be.

The next morning, we woke up slowly, the gentle wake-up that only happens on vacation. In the afternoon, I treated myself to a prenatal massage at The Currents Spa, fully intending to stay awake for every second. But as soon as I hit the massage table, I was sound asleep which was long overdue. That night we headed to Manta for a romantic dinner. Sitting there, taking in each bite, I felt a sense of fullness—not just from the food but from the simple joy of enjoying a night that felt tailor-made for just us.

We allowed ourselves a top-tier experience on our last full day: sleeping in as late as we wanted. Mornings like this would be uncommon soon enough, and we planned to enjoy every minute. Eventually, we headed to the beach. There's a certain magic in just standing at the water's edge, toes in the sand, with no agenda other than to simply be. This time had been a gift, a quiet escape before everything changed, and it was exactly what we needed.

But it wasn't just about the physical rejuvenation. It was about reconnecting with each other and savoring every moment. As our time in paradise drew to a close, we knew we were returning home not just physically refreshed but emotionally fortified. It was time to dive back into the frenzy of parenthood for round two of sleepless nights and endless diaper changes. We were ready to embrace the challenges and joys of parenthood, tackle whatever came our way and face the messy, beautiful reality of family life.

Parenting is a beautiful journey, but it can also be exhausting, and in today's fast-paced world, it's easy to let relationships drift. By prioritizing our relationship, making time for ourselves and each other, and making intentional choices, we were able to nurture our partnership before it was too late. Heading home, I felt ready to return—not just to the daily routine but to the excitement of welcoming our new baby girl together.