Hump, Marry, Kill: Oh Look, Project Runway is Back

Hump: Have you guys seen Cyrus on So You Think You Can Dance? Well, his dance style is listed as “animator.” Remember how OG animation worked? Individually drawn cells were displayed in rapid motion to create the illusion of movement. That’s how Cyrus dances. He can move pretty much every part of his body ever so minutely in ways you wouldn’t even think possible to create the illusion of fluid, continuous motion. It is absolutely mesmerizing. One can only imagine what else he can translate those oh-so-precise body-moving abilities to....

The official Misfits synopsis reads something like this: “Five juvenile delinquents are hit by lightning during an electrical storm and contract special powers in a show that’s a mix of [British] Skins and Heroes.” But of course — if you ask anyone who’s watched the show (and it’s got quite a cult following) — it’s so much more than that. The five lead characters are extremely well developed and ridiculously compelling, and their superpowers are all unique extensions of their personalities. The music selections are also spot on, from the opening credits (“Echoes” by The Rapture) to the Klaxons, and who doesn’t enjoy watching teen miscreants trying to cover up their hijinks to the sounds of Damien Rice or Florence + The Machine?

And then, there’s Nathan (Robert Sheehan) — the cheeky Irish misfit who will sass you to the point where you don’t know if you want to slap him or sleep with him. He’s got a massive mop of curls, huge, expressive eyebrows, and deep emerald eyes that always seem to convey a tinge of sadness (his mom threw him out of the house; he's earned it) mixed with hope.

I just want to take him in, feed him, and keep him around to say cheeky, hilarious things to me for the rest of our lives. Plus, that accent. The way he pronounces words like “car” and “shark” may as well translate directly to, “Do you want me to take my pants off now?” (As always: Hi, mom, if you’re reading this. Get ready for lots of grandkids.)

Kill: Listen, I get that it’s reality TV, and everyone thinks he needs to emerge as “the quirky one with funky hair” or “the villain who's scared of bugs” to stand out from the pack in the first episode. Yes, this is Project Runway we're talking about, and I do get how it works, really. And I know he has a chip on his shoulder from making it to the top 22, seasons ago, only to be mercilessly cut on the first episode. So, I wanted to give Gunnar Deatherage the benefit of the doubt; really, I did.

But to quote Taylor Swift, "Why you gotta be so mean?"

Says Gunnar of his design aesthetic: “I always like to picture Cruella de Vil in my outfits, dragging a fur behind her.” Cool, Gunnar. Way to align yourself with a known slaughterer of adorable puppies. That’ll earn you fans and friends.

He also says he doesn’t like Christopher, who [SPOILER ALERT] wins the first challenge, because he’s “very similar to my personality. There’s only room for one star in the sky, and that’s me.” When Chris wins, Gunnar tells us, “Chris had a great gown, but I just don’t like his arrogance...I know his head is gonna swell as big as Parsons.” Also: Chris has shown nary a hint of arrogance thus far...and Parsons is not that big. Gunnar, if you're reading, please get better analogies or a better grasp on relative sizing by episode two.

Unfortunately, the producers might keep Gunnar around to stir up drama as long as his clothes keep him in the safety zone. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that he magically learns his current ‘tude will get him nowhere in the pressure cooker that is Project Runway, but when has a reality show of this nature ever brought out the best in a contestant? The bitch is clearly back, and not in a fun Elton John kind of way.