What’s Stopped Me Dating Across Political Lines Isn’t Views, It’s How I’m Stereotyped

“I thought you’d be a handful, but I wanted to get out of my comfort zone and not put you in the ‘too-hard basket’.” These were the words said to me on my first date back after my last relationship ended. The guy was undeniably conservative and didn’t inform me that he knew of (and quite severely disagreed with) my progressive public profile until we were ten minutes into our Sunday afternoon drink.

“What do you do for work?” I asked, trying to divert the conversation. “I purposefully didn’t tell you before we met, because I thought you’d be too feminist to date someone in the army.” The sigh I let out almost lasted longer than the date.

Of the seven dates I've been on in 2025, more than half voted very differently from me. I was excited by this at first, to get out of my echo chamber and challenge the views that were mirrored back to me by most of my friends and family. Each time, the barrier that prevented me from continuing to date across political lines was not necessarily their views on nuclear energy or tax reform, which I’d be happy to debate, but the way these individuals stereotyped me as difficult, aggressive and divisive based on my feminism.

They had placed me in a box, and were shocked when a conversational person who asked lots of genuine questions turned up for a walk, coffee or dinner. Our political views are a valid obstacle in dating according to our values, but I believe the more pressing question is how an increasingly divided landscape is limiting our ability to remain curious about people, and stay open to conversation. In order to protect ourselves and our views, we have also found it easier to stereotype on the basis of broad labels that position us as fundamentally at odds with each other.

A poll of 7,200 Cheek Media Co. followers*, conducted in collaboration with Bumble, tells us that 81% of Australians feel in their personal life that there is a growing gender divide in political views, where women are becoming more progressive, while men remain conservative. The majority of Australians think it is impossible to date someone with opposing political views. Despite my questionable experiences, I disagree.

While more than three in five (62%) Australians would never date someone with a different political view, 56% said they have influenced the way a current or previous partner votes. When we recognise the power we have to shape our romantic partner’s political beliefs, yet are increasingly unwilling to speak across the aisle, where does this leave us? How can we
successfully date people with our politics at the forefront?

Politics doesn’t have to feel like an interrogation or outright invitation for debate. I’ve seen some great dating app prompts like ‘Take me for a drink if we’re voting the same way in the Federal election’ or ‘Would you rather take Bob Katter, Peter Dutton or Max Chandler-Mather to dinner?’. We can dig into our values and sense check our potential dates without needing to feel too serious before a first meet.

My goal is always to respond, not react, when experiencing disagreement. The real red flag is not necessarily a political opinion but a complete unwillingness to listen, remain flexible and to respect someone during uncomfortable moments. I ask people to tell me certain issues they’ve changed their minds on, and controversial opinions they might hold. I am far more intent on understanding how someone has evolved with the times, that is the best indicator of how we could navigate opposition and challenges. Emotional intelligence is gold.

As we see a widening gap between the two sides of the political spectrum, part of our dating struggle is determining whether someone who sits ‘on the other side’ just has different views about housing policy or is a full-blown misogynist. Finding the political issues that are my non-negotiables has allowed me to have better conversations beyond just dating, but also with loved ones more broadly.