Grey's Anatomy Season 14 Premiere Recap: "Break Down The House"

OK: Let’s handle this in the whirlwind way the Grey's Anatomy does.

Megan Hunt (Abigail Spencer) is back from the dead, Eliza Minnick (Marika Dominczyk) was fired by Bailey (Chandra Wilson) — as noted in an aside convo of Arizona’s (Jessica Capshaw) – Edwards (Jerrika Hinton) was airlifted to a burn center in Texas — info gleaned thanks to a side convo between Wilson (Camilla Luddington) and Karev (Justin Chambers) – and parts of the hospital are burnt to a crisp and falling down around them with ORs 3 through 6 and the neuro wing (and nurses’ station 4) not operational.

Drama level: 9 out of 10, but we’ll press on just like the doctors do.

The show sets up this season’s primary love triangle right away, with Megan asking Nathan Riggs (Martin Henderson) if he has met anyone “significant” while he’s been at Sloane-Grey. Yeah, her name is Meredith (Ellen Pompeo), and this is awkward as hell. If it were any other character, then it wouldn’t matter. But this is Mere. When Nathan tells Megan he has met someone, but they aren’t her, I cringe. Sure, this is a delicate situation for him (and for her, since she’s about to go into surgery, but somehow Riggs is the only person who mentions it) but he admirably manages to stay vague. Admirable if you’re a douche.

Later on, while Meredith (who despite having a clear conflict that should preclude her doing it) goes over her surgery plan with Megan, Owen (Kevin McKidd) and Riggs, Megan announces she’s heading back to Iraq afterward because she’s got a kid there. It’s not a little Riggs; it’s a Syrian refugee child she found while she was serving, but he can’t get into the U.S. This might be the shortest love triangle ever.

Warren (Jason George) has a convo with Wilson that’s the most obvious set up to him leaving for the Grey’s fire & rescue spinoff ever about how his whole hostage experience with Edwards was a rush. So Wilson leaves to treat a kid who thinks she’s a Warrior Queen. Now that’s a spin-off I’d like to see: Warrior Queen superhero by night, resident by day.

Comedy break for the sub-interns whose first day of a six-week rotation starts with being annoying about their mobile devices and ends with screaming in a trauma surgery. Ah, when we land on not-so-subtle slams on youngs — it takes me back to seasons 1 and 2 of this very show.

My condolences to Arizona on being ghosted by Minnick, who just moved the fuck out without saying goodbye (this is not ghosting). That is ice cold, but what else could anyone possibly have expected from Minnick? That night, she meets an Italian woman who looks like Kate Middleton. Unfortunately, it’s DeLuca’s (Giacomo Gianniotti) sister. Love triangle? Kind of, but not that kind. Oh, and she’s an OBGYN who wants to study the female orgasm.

Teddy Hunt (Kim Raver) shows up, because Megan, and wow is Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) uncomfortable with her. Fair enough, her relationship with Owen is tenuous right now, so she’s ultrasensitive, but the look of panic on her face! Amelia takes her frustration out on Avery (Jesse Williams) in a pissing contest during which she’s gone full hero about saving a kid with a tumor on his jaw.

Shout out to Portugal. The Man’s “Feel It Still” for getting a placement in the show. After I listened to this song on NPR all summer, I should have known it was coming.

Owen has a panic attack about Megan’s surgery, and Teddy yells him into submission…er, calms him down in a way Amelia hasn’t been able to manage. So maybe there is life to this love triangle after all? (Related: Thanks to the director for all those shots of Megan’s massive, open stomach wound.) Thank goodness that Teddy is here because she immediately shouts out to Meredith that it's 50 shades of fucked up that she’s going to operate on Megan without disclosing her history with Riggs and honest where is Bailey during all of this?

Just as they were set up to do, the sub-interns mess up a surgery. It’s Wilson’s on the kid who thinks she’s a superhero. One of them leans in, and his glasses fall into the child’s open body, and this joke isn’t funny anymore. I’d like to be excluded from this narrative, even if the point of it is to remake Webber (James Pickens Jr.) into the hero we’ve known and loved all this time. I’m not even getting into the Wilson-sleeping-with-an-intern-at-his-mom’s-house thing. Let’s all just pretend it didn’t happen and hopefully, no one will mention any of this again.

Amelia continues to need therapy but instead opts to not sleep and operate on a kid with a tumor. Well, she was until Avery shows her a photo of a child with a similar tumor who he operated on repeatedly until she didn’t have a jaw anymore and it’s the most horrifying thing you’ll ever see on TV. Take that, AHS: Cult.

Can we talk about the scene where Meredith and Karev have lunch outside? First of all, a rare shoot in Seattle? Second, Mere’s ombre hair lit by the Northwestern sun! Okay, that is all.

Oh hey, our third love triangle rears its little head when Maggie Pierce (Kelly McCreary) low-key mentions to Avery that during the fire, Kepner (Sarah Drew) called her out for being into Avery. His response: “Future hook up say what?” Yeah, that is ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN. Kepner announces that she is gonna move out. This is the end of Japril, guys.

Meredith loses it completely after she does surgery on Megan, only to find she can’t close because there isn’t enough tissue. The major downside is this means it will take Megan months to heal so not only will she not be able to go back and rescue the child she wants to adopt but her love triangle with Riggs will drag on endlessly. Except! Meredith suggests doing an abdominal wall transplant, which is a somewhat untested surgery. We’re supposed to get invested in the sub-i’s, apparently, because Meredith sends them out to find donors. The one Wilson boinked pulls that hat trick off and she snags his spot in the OR. Karev handles it all amazingly well. Maybe he is the new Christina (Sandra Oh)?

Riggs proposes to Megan, and just as he's popping the question, Meredith pops in to say their OR is ready. That feeling when the universe screams at you "this is not ethical!" Owen confronts Amelia about her own PTSD. These, along with Wilson's bad choice to steal a surgery, are all given the "you're not bossy, you're a boss" treatment by Baily, who is apparently making decisions based on hating her shoes? (Insert deep sigh here.)

Mere's surgery on Megan goes beautifully. Amelia's works out because Avery comes in to save her ass. Amelia celebrates her terrible decisions by volunteering for Lady Dr. DeLuca's orgasm study. Owen kissing Teddy only solidifies, for me, that this is going to be the most dramatic love triangle in the season.

The best news of the night is that Wilson and Karev are back on. Think the show can't top that? Megan says no to Riggs and Amelia has a brain tumor.

And they said this season was going to be happier.