Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 14, Episode 3 Recap: "MILFs Gone Wild"

While last week's episode felt brand-new, this episode of Keeping Up feels very familiar. Kim is stressed. There’s an amazing and lavish vacation. Plus, there’s Kourtney and Scott drama. It’s the tenth anniversary of Keeping Up With The Kardashians, but some things never change.

Scott brings the kids over to Kris’ and spills some seriously adorable, but embarrassing info about Penelope. She peed in the dining room during Scott’s birthday. She might as well get used to doing her business in the open, though. Kris suggests having a backyard camping trip while Kourt is on vacation. When Mason reveals that his favorite music genre is rap, North West says “Kanye West is my dad!” So cute! Listen, Ryan Seacrest, before there’s anymore Kardashian spinoffs, we NEED one following the kids. How has Disney Channel not gotten in on the kiddie reality TV?

Okay, back to reality. Kourtney was thirty minutes late for a workout with Khloé. Already pissed, Khloé is even more annoyed that Kourtney walks in on the phone with Scott. Basically, she wanted to give him a heads up that she was photographed with a guy, but the photos never went out. Scott was screaming on the phone and seemed a little drunk. Kourtney’s laughing about it, but it’s scary weird to have Scott freak out about her dating again. They’re over. He’s been with other women. It’s time to just move on. In the words of Khloé, “Call me a wah-mbulance.”

Kourtney is so excited for her birthday celebrations in Mexico, and so are most of her friends.

Kim seems to be the only person who isn’t having fun. Her Paris robbery still haunts her. She calls her friend, Joe Francis, who owns the house. Crying, she asks him if it’s safe to be there. Apparently, he himself was once kidnapped, so he’s the best person to calm her down. She’s worried that criminals will see them with all of their designer things and target them. But Joe reassures her that it’s safe.

“You walk your daughter on that beach all the time,” he says over the phone.

Her solution is to fly out four more security guards to stay outside her room while she’s sleeping. Whatever makes her feel better and have a wonderful time for Kourtney.

Cue the montage!

Their amazing tropical vacation is completely filled with drinks, designer clothes, amazing hats, and a lot of dancing. Kim declares a hashtag for the entire trip: “MILFs Gone Wild.” Later, Kourtney destroys an eggplant emoji pinata.

It’s all fun and games until Stephanie Shepard finds photos of them walking out of the house. Kim is already on high-alert, and to have photos of her location out in the open is terrifying to her. She goes inside and just starts untagging herself from everything.

Even when everyone is going on jet skis, Kim obsesses. Now she’s also concerned that people are going to attack her for her body. It’s horrible that she’s not able to enjoy her big sister’s birthday because of the way the public treats her.

“People think I’m so confident and I’m so secure and I’m not. I’m so insecure,” she vents to Kourtney.

In the talking head she says to her sister, “This has been the worst trip for me – sorry.”

Kris declares that she’s the Kamping Kween and takes Scott and Mason to Costco to get supplies. Scott’s like “Grr, I’m a man. I need to sleep on the bare land and cook only what I catch.” I might have paraphrased, but that’s the gist. Kris has something a little comfier in mind.

Grandma arrives at the camping trip with a vodka rocks in one hand and a bunch of men to set up her tent following the other. Honestly, I expect no different. She’s got a 100%-down sleeping bad, a cashmere blanket, and a fur throw. She goes glamping. There’s even a foot spa. A night camping with Kris Jenner is better than a night in my apartment.

In Mexico, the ladies get all dolled up and have a literal photoshoot in the backyard before dinner. Kris calls while laying outside on the grass, and Kourtney declares proudly “I threw up four times in my bed and then slept in it!”

But Scott overhears and is very unhappy with Kourtney’s partying.

“Why is she allowed to throw up in bed, but when I do it I have to go to rehab?” he genuinely asks. Then, he gets grumpy and heads inside instead of sticking it out in the “great outdoors.”

“Imagine being totally sober and hearing ‘Despacito’ playing over and over like 30 times,” Kim says.

I mean, is it a summer party if you’re not jamming to ‘Despacito’ all night long? Nope, not in 2017.

Kim and her krew leave a day earlier than the rest of the girls. She was always leaving early because of work, but it helps that she can escape the anxiety.

She spends the plane ride explaining how stressed out she was. Everything causes stress: leaving the house, choosing outfits, wearing makeup, or even not wearing makeup. Everything she’s been through and the pressure of being in the public eye constantly has caused her to develop social anxiety. Maybe she deserves to take some time to herself and stay in hiding. But the life of a reality superstar doesn’t really accommodate recluses, does it?

Her longtime BFF Jonathan Cheban comes over once Kim arrives in LA. He seriously doesn’t get why Kim would subject herself to the madness that was Kourtney’s party. Jonathan doesn’t beat around the bush and asks what was up with the photos. It stressed Kim out so much to have unflattering photos on the internet. She knows what she looks like, and for people to beat her down for it is gross.

Now, she’s considering not attending the Met Gala that year. Her husband, Kanye West, isn’t. So, why would she want to get on the red carpet just to be torn apart?

Kris reveals to Kourtney that Scott was jealous that Kourtney got to go have fun and get drunk. And she’s not having that. “He needs to get a life and leave me alone.”

It’s been ten years of being unsatisfied for Kourtney. Now, Scott is constantly making it seem like he’s the victim, and Kourtney just ignores his love. If that was really the case, why wouldn’t Scott get his life together? Kris thinks it’s time to get rid of those family trips. Kourt is concerned that Scott only does the vacations so that other guys think that they're together. So sneaky! No matter what the case, Kourtney and Scott no longer have a healthy relationship and need to cut ties.

Looks like this season we’ll be seeing a lot more of Kourtney out and about. But before we get all the romantic details, we take a trip to NYC. Next episode is all about the Met Gala, where we saw not one, not two, but three Kardashian-Jenners walk the red carpet.