Keeping Up With The Kardashians Season 14, Episode 5 Recap: "Catch Me If You Cannes"

“This is not going to end well,” Kim Kardashian-West says in a promo for tonight’s episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She’s referring, of course, to Scott and Kourtney’s increasingly problematic relationship.

This thing hasn’t gone well since Mason was an only child. After last episode, where Scott’s antics majorly stressed Kourtney out, it’s definitely not getting better. At this point, all we can hope for is that no one gets hurt, especially those precious little kids.

Speaking of which, Mason helps Auntie Koko get her brand new license with her old name, “Khloe Kardashian.” He’s super excited to be at the new place. Who’s gonna tell him that not everyone gets the DMV all to themselves and has a ring light put up to take their license photo? I simultaneously love and hate this. It’s a perfect way to start the episode.

Kim Kardashian-West’s assistant extraordinaire, Stephanie Shepard is way more to the sister’s than just an employee. She’s also become best friends with Kourtney! They go out together, call each other wifey, and are constantly posting photos with one another. It’s the cutest, honestly. But then Steph confided that she’s not feeling fulfilled in her current job and it made Kim so anxious! She complains to just about everyone that she isn’t sure how to deal with situation. When she’s with Stephanie, she’s making it ridiculously awkward, which is usually Kourtney’s job. Not only is she sad that Steph didn’t trust her with this info, but she also doesn’t want to lose her closest confidant. Days later, Khloe, Malika, and Khadijah are working out when Khloe brings up Kim’s problem. OG Keeping Up fans will recall that Malika used to work for Khloe. That’s pretty much how they became best friends. Malika says that Khloe can use their experience to help Kim and it’s the best solution possible. Khloe sits Kim down while Kourtney and Kendall are Cannes and explains why she needs to talk to Stephanie ASAP. It’s her responsibilty as an employer t make sure that Steph is happy. And if it makes Kim uncomfortable that Steph talks to Kourtney about stuff, she should probably nip that in the bud.

Finally, Kim meets up with Stephanie. They sit down and are both overcome with awkward anxiety. Then, Kim spills her guts. Steph totally thought that her convo with Kourtney was just in passing. She was trying to explain that she thinks she’s in a grey area in her life – not just her job. Kim will always be her #1 girl, no matter how close to Kourtney she gets. Crisis averted!

You may remember hearing about the Kardashian sisters taking a trip to Planned Parenthood. It all started with Kimmy wanting to know more about the government’s decision to defund the institution. She calls Khloe, who is immediately on board with learning about it (and identifies as pro-choice). We love educated queens!

They get to meet Sue Dunlap, the CEO of Planned Parenthood Los Angeles. She explains that the clinics aren’t just places to go for abortions, but that they save lives that could be lost to STIs and cancers. After a quick intro, the ladies are taken to a little classroom where they do an exercise about healthy relationships. Kim and Khloe have a super easy time describing what they deserve in a relationship, but Kourtney stumbles. She’s been in an unhealthy relationship for ten years and her shyness certainly doesn’t help. Her sisters pitch in and they all leave the seminar a little more aware of the services Planned Parenthood offers.

Don’t just take their word for it, though. They meet up with three women who have had incredible experiences with the clinic. One was diagnosed with breast cancer through their screening process. Another found out she was positive for HIV. The last woman came to Planned Parenthood for an abortion, but was apprehensive. The doctor told her that they couldn’t perform it with her being 100% on board and, today, she’s the happy mother to a son. Khloe, Kourtney, and Kim leave Planned Parenthood so much more informed and using their platform for an incredible cause. Now, it’s back to your regularly scheduled programmming.

Scott Disick is constantly saying stuff to Kourtney to try to convince her to get back together with him. After all this, how can he not get it? His latest plan of action is make Kourtney jealous, or, at least, annoy her at every turn. He texts her about selling his house and moving in with literally as she finds photos of him with Bella Thorne on the internet. Kind of counterproductive, Scott?

Scott texting Kourt about selling his house and moving in and raising kids. He finds out that Kourtney is hanging out in Cannes during the film festival. They don’t show it, but I imagine him hanging up the phone and immediately booking a flight. His next course of action? Texting Kourtney and threatening her and her friends. He basically says that he’ll send people to beat her new boyfriend if he sees them together in Cannes. Uh, what? That’s not healthy for anyone to say, even someone with a dark humor like Scott. As viewers, we’ve seen Scott and Kourtney have this toxic relationship for quite some time, but the line is drawn at physical threats. Khloe is immediately pissed and calls him non-stop. Of course, he just denies the call.

Days later, he finally calls Khloe back. Apparently his phone was broken. Yeah, Khlo doesn’t buy that for a second. She’s still incredibly patient with him in a way that only Khloe could be. Kourtney, Kim, and Kris are all so fed up with his actions. She very calmly explains to him that he cannot throw threats around and expect to not be taken seriously. To him it was apparently all a joke to explain how hurt he feels. To literally everyone else, it’s endangering. For the sake of Mason, Penelope, and Reign, I hope he realises that this shouldn’t happen again. Before hanging up, he says that he doesn’t regret saying it because that’s just how he feels. Not a good sign at all.

One dream-like fitting later, Kendall and Kourtney head off to Cannes, France. Props to the Keeping Up producers for fitting last week’s storyline so perfectly with this weeks. We get to see the sisters (who have a 17 year age difference) fulfil their promise of hanging out more. First stop in Cannes is to visit a fan! Kourtney follows this girl on Instagram and she’s obsessed with the Kardashians. It was Kourtney who reached out and asked if she could meet them for ice cream. Of course, she showed up and presumably got to have the most memorable ice cream date ever. Kendall even signed her copy of Vogue. So sweet! Next stop: Kourtney’s super cute boyfriend and the yacht they’re staying on!

They spend their trip riding jetskis, chilling on the boat deck, and spending time with Kourtney’s man, Younes Bendjima. It’s super weird for Kendall, who’s only seen Kourt in a relationship with Scott. Kendall calls Kim and Kris with the latest Scott update. He’s on his way to Cannes with Bella Thorne and admitted that he’s only doing it to make Kourtney jealous. Sometime after, Kourtney Facetimes Khloe and Kris with Younes. They get to virtually meet her new love interest and it’s as awkward as you’d expect an interaction with Kourt to be. This is why the people love her! Despite all the backlash from Scott, Kendall and Kourtney are having an amazing time in Cannes and nothing can stop them! That’s the Kardashian attitude we know and love.

We’ll see some of that resilience when the Kardashians face Cleveland Cavaliers fans next episode. No one’s more petty than grown men whose favorite team is losing. Read These Stories Next: