How To Break Up With 2022 The Right Way

2022 is nearly done and as December races towards its snowy finale, it’s time to kiss goodbye to this year. 

There will be parts of us desperate to get shot of the disappointments, embarrassment and heartache we faced down. Other parts will still be revelling in what was for many our first full year of freedom since the pandemic, and all the raves, festivals, weddings and holidays we spent together in the flesh. 

Either way, just like the end of a relationship, the end of the year can feel pretty momentous. 

Psychotherapist and author of Think Like A Therapist, Stephen Joseph, says that this time of year is a good time to pump the brakes and reflect on the last 12 months – like Spotify Wrapped but for your whole life. Lean into that instinct to curl up and hibernate by doing a little slow, non-judgmental reflection on what your 2022 has been like. 

"The way we grow in life is a process," he explains. "When we encounter something new or different, if we're flexible enough we begin to see things differently. And as we see things differently, we learn, grow and develop." 

Joseph, who has written before on coping with adversity, writes in his new book: "Psychological growth arises through the process of accommodation, during which our assumptions are modified so that they fit the new information, rather than through the process of assimilation, which involves our effort to make the new information fit our assumptions. As we encounter new experiences we need to get the balance right." In other words, our minds change to fit what we experience, instead of us trying to make the experience fit what we think. This can be a hard but good thing.

He’s careful to note that not every painful experience leads to post-traumatic growth but says he’s noticed clients opening up when they discuss questions like: What have I learned about myself this year? In what way have I changed? How would I like to be different this time next year? Events change us too, so ask: What are the major events during the year that have upset me? Have I learned anything from them? What has happened to me over this year that has strengthened my relationships? 

Taking stock can also help shine a new light on what’s frustrating us right now, he says. "When we're faced with disappointments, oftentimes they are about things that are minor in the long run or don't really relate to what’s important to us. For example, you can have a bad day at work and ruminate over it for the next 24 hours but a year later you've forgotten about it."

Joseph encourages people to seek out unusual, "perspective-changing" experiences. This is because these experiences can show us parts of ourselves that are new or different from how we used to think of ourselves, or that we’re only just ready to see for the first time. Seeing ourselves differently might help us let go of how we felt and acted this year. 

He won't offer specific examples as he finds they won’t work for most of us – "It's one of the things that I deliberately avoid," he jokes – but experiences that can be particularly resonant for the shift from one year to the next are volunteering over Christmas, meeting new people, starting a new Christmas tradition or travelling. 

Meanwhile, as Christmas approaches it’s useful to focus on evergreen advice: acceptance, acceptance, acceptance. "If you feel bombarded by others' expectations about how to be over Christmas – 'Oh, you must do this, you have to go there, you have to visit these certain people' or whatever – then perhaps there's a certain lack of self-acceptance, which is often behind feelings of anxiety and discomfort," says Joseph. 

Not only does self-compassion and acceptance benefit you, it also benefits others. A 2017 meta-analysis of randomised controlled trials found significant increases in compassion for others, life satisfaction and happiness as well as significant decreases in depression, anxiety and psychological distress after interventions that taught and developed self-compassion. 

"You might also feel as if you're not able to make choices for yourself. But with self-acceptance, you'll feel more able to make choices about how you want to spend Christmas and the things that you might want to do." As ever, saying no to things you haven’t got the bandwidth for is going to feel much easier in the long run, compared with over-committing your money, time and energy. 

This, of course, can only take you so far in the current climate. No amount of self-acceptance is going to stop the cost of living crisis this Christmas – and nor should it, Joseph argues. Therapy and self-help is an individual fix, not a social solution. Besides, many of us are locked out of private therapy because of the cost and even if we have a clinical need, the NHS is about 2,000 therapists short. But he still believes that therapy can help people deal with life's adversities and ways they cope and connect. "Maybe therapy wakes people up a bit more to what's going on around them, and shakes them out of a comfort zone."

There are ways to extend that self-compassion to your body, too, and this will also help with readying yourself for a new year. Start with the basics: stay warm enough (use warm banks if you can’t afford heating at home) and stay hydrated (the British Dietetic Association says 1600ml daily is usually enough for most women). 

As for fitness, personal trainer Josh Davies says that December is a great time to winter-proof your best habits. When it comes to exercise, the ideal is not to change what works. So apologies but he doesn’t endorse hibernating. 

People who want to keep exercising despite the cold, snowy weather and dark nights often benefit from buddying up. For one thing, it makes people feel safer, and the accountability ups your motivation. "I work out with somebody on early mornings. And one day, if I don't want to work out but I know he's coming to work out, it's like I’d be letting somebody else down as well as myself," says Davies. 

If you have a flexible work schedule (and can’t deal with the thought of leaving your running buddy alone in the snow) then move your workout to morning or lunchtime if you can. A small 2017 study found that people who are exposed to sunlight or bright indoor light in the morning sleep better and feel less depressed and stressed than those who aren't. 

As PTs always advise, try to wake up and go to bed at the same time on your non-Christmas-party nights – this will set you up not only for December but for the whole of 2023. Evidence is scant on this one but another, even smaller 2017 study found that undergraduates who went to bed at a different time every night performed worse academically. 

"The longer you are able to maintain a routine and have good habits, the harder it is to break," Davies says. "If you're looking to have a really good, active, healthy January, then setting your routine in December will put you in a better position to do that." 

For anyone eyeing a new year, new you-level reinvention, starting a low-impact routine (spin, yoga, Pilates) in December is a great way to lay the groundwork for a gym-heavy January. So if you had a sedentary 2022 and you’re dreaming of an outdoorsy, sporty 2023, don’t wait until the new year to act on your resolution. 

Lastly, if you’re burned out, try to clear your calendar before the end of the year. "If you're suffering from fatigue or close to burnout, having a rest for one to two weeks can actually do the world of good in terms of resetting," Davies says. "Rest and recovery is just as important as nutrition and exercise."

The best start to 2023 is the one that’s tailored to you. Don’t aim for a grand finale in the next fortnight. Instead, book in some hibernation time and get ready to close the chapter on 2022.