These Black Women Went Into Debt Living The “Soft Life” — Are Luxury Beauty Standards To Blame?

“I would always maintain my nails and my toes. I would get facial waxing, my Brazilian and underarms,” shares Erica James, 25, from London. Erica is a student and admits her monthly nail care was costing her anywhere between £50 and £120, and when it came to spending on different braiding styles and wigs, she estimates she was spending up to £400 monthly. While these “little treats” made her happy, she fell into the trap of overspending without realising it. “I feel like at one point I did start to realise that the price was accumulating, and it was cutting into other things that I needed to do,” she explains to Unbothered. 

Erica says her expensive beauty routine developed from her pursuit of the “soft life” she saw others sharing on social media despite it being difficult for her to afford. The soft life movement is a lifestyle trend meant to reject hustle culture and embrace ease, and many Black women interpreted it as an opportunity to reject stereotypical ideas about Black womanhood (and all those “strong” and “independent” tropes) and embrace peace, safety and self-love. Yet over time, representations of the “soft life” began to favour lavish displays of wealth, luxe wellness and expensive beauty maintenance routines. On social media, the term “Black women in luxury” introduced aspirational standards for living and beauty, and the related content centred Black women in enviable vacations, lush homes, designer fashion and beauty. However, for some, it’s turned their lives into high-maintenance spending cycles. The pursuit of effortless luxury has led some into maxed-out credit cards, Klarna and Buy Now Pay Later addictions, and financial stress, all in an attempt to maintain an aesthetic that looks carefree but, in reality, is far from it. 

“At the time, I was earning only 25K a year, and I was coming out with probably about £1,800 [monthly] after taxes. I was literally spending a couple hundred pounds a month, and that's just on monthly [beauty] upkeep,” says welfare advisor and women’s lifestyle blogger Elyse Andrews, 36. While Elyse was never in debt because of her spending, she admits her spending limited her, as she couldn’t save money or engage fully in social outings and holidays with her friends.

For Elyse, the pressure to maintain her luxury lifestyle became so routine that booking an expensive holiday with friends became an automatic decision. It wasn’t until the reality of monthly payments set in—on top of beauty upkeep—that the squeeze on her finances became apparent. Elyse says she would spend £80 on nail infills and pedicures, £15 on eyebrow waxing and tinting, £55 on waxing, £80 to £120 on hair styling, and much more each month. “There was literally no surplus income after I'd paid all my bills,” says Elyse. “I didn’t have the money to socialise, do my beauty treatments and other stuff— something had to give.” 

How do you stop overspending when the cost of being seen, desirable and considered “that girl” feels non-negotiable? The answer lies in understanding the relationship between our spending habits and the way we feel about ourselves.

For many Black women, beauty isn’t just about self-expression; it’s a performance, social currency and a necessity in a world that scrutinises us twice as hard. From boardrooms to brunch dates, we’ve been conditioned to believe that looking polished, "put together," and effortlessly expensive is the bare minimum. And lately, even that standard has skyrocketed because it’s not just about looking good anymore—it’s about looking wealthy. Nails, lashes and wigs used to feel like optional indulgences, but now those things feel like non-negotiables. Social media feeds are filled with bussdown 40-inch HD lace wigs (that can cost anything from £500 to thousands), luxury facials, designer outfits, and “soft life” aesthetics that drip money. The Black girl luxury hashtag has 747,000 posts on TikTok — that’s almost a million posts centered around maintaining or attaining a certain lifestyle. 

There was bound to be some financial fallout. Though engaging with expensive and luxury beauty trends is more than fine if you can afford it, the reality is not everyone can and should. The cost of living crisis continues to push up the prices of everyday essentials, rent has risen to exorbitant levels, and wages remain stagnant, and although the impact of this is felt globally, Black and minority women are said to be the worst impacted. These systemic gaps highlight the urgent need for financial education and resources tailored to support Black women’s long-term financial security.

“I think the biggest variable is a lack of [financial] education,” says chartered accountant turned tech engineer Jessica Jackson. Historically, due to systemic barriers, generational wealth gaps, and limited access to financial literacy, money can be a sensitive subject for Black families if spoken about at all. “Many of us weren’t taught how to manage money beyond the basics—saving a little here, avoiding debt there—but no real guidance on building wealth, investing, or making informed financial decisions,” Jackson explains. 

Yet it’s hard to ignore the pressures Black women face when it comes to maintaining their appearance, even during a troubled financial climate. According to a report by Treasure Tress, Black women make up 10% of the total UK haircare spend despite being only 2% of the UK adult population, and spending on cosmetics is also significantly high. It’s easy to understand why: Black women’s beauty — especially when it fits a heteronormative and Eurocentric ideal — has become a marker of success.

“Anytime I get a little bit of money, my first thought is, 'What can I do in my beauty maintenance?'” says Erica. “When I was a child, I always saw my mum work hard, she was always working, paying bills, working, paying bills... there was no in between. We never really talked about money. I just kinda knew I was supposed to put something away for a rainy day but I didn’t know anything else,” she added. “She never sat me down and said, ‘You need to look good,’ but I saw how much effort she put into her appearance, even when things were tough. That really stuck with me. It was like, if we’re struggling, you’d never know it by looking at us.” 

Call it a coping mechanism or survival instinct but presenting ourselves as put together, no matter what is going on personally, is just what Black women do. And that’s okay. It’s what we’ve had to do. But when the pressure to perform our professionalism becomes harmful to our bank accounts, that’s when it becomes a problem.

“There’s a pressure, and I don’t care what anyone says, I feel it,” says Elyse. “We do feel pressure as women to have ourselves together. If you walk out without hybrid eyebrows and lashes now, it’s like, ‘What are you doing?’”  Elyse certainly isn’t alone in her experience. The constant presence of influencers and brands promoting certain beauty trends and products as the "key to happiness" or self-care has reinforced the idea that spending money on beauty is a sign of self-love or empowerment. 

“​​Social media and influencer culture naturally encourages people to spend more money, creating a pressure on women to spend money they may not necessarily have,” says Ola Majekodunmi, founder of All Things Money, a personal finance platform dedicated to educating young adults. Majekodunmi believes that exceeding your budget or sacrificing necessities to afford beauty products is a financial red flag. “Recognising these signs early can help consumers tackle these issues head-on before problems crop up, which can help prevent long-term financial stress,” says Majekoudunmi. 

The shift is happening. More Black women are reevaluating their spending habits, redefining luxury on their own terms, and embracing financial literacy as a new form of self-care. For some, that means DIY haircare and at-home beauty routines. For others, it’s setting strict budgets, unfollowing influencers that fuel unrealistic spending habits, and focusing on long-term wealth over aesthetics.

Erica still sees beauty as a necessity but has a different approach now. “I still love to take care of myself,” she says. “But now I’ve paired back on how many things I’m doing each month, and I’ve started making my own sugar wax to take care of my waxing at home.” 

Repeat after me: A soft life includes financial stability. 

Black women are not only redefining beauty but also reclaiming control over their finances and learning that true wealth isn’t just about appearances—it’s about creating a life that is sustainable, fulfilling, and grounded in long-term financial health.