I'm Always Single. This Is What I Want To Say To All My Coupled-Up Friends

We all have that friend who has been single seemingly forever. Well, for the past seven years, I have been that friend. And for the most part I have no problem with it – but it seems like everyone else does. Sometimes I feel like a disease people are scared to catch. “So anyone on the horizon?” they ask from a safe distance, with a slight tilt of the head and a grimace of hope. “No” I'll say. What follows is always a look of concern, before you see them mentally calculating all the things they want to ask or say but are not brave enough to. Some broach the obvious question – sex – but generally they move the conversation on. However, when I did a shout out on Twitter, it turned out that some people's friends really don’t hold back. So here are the answers to all the questions and statements you want to throw at us.