A Very Kardashian Kristmas: A Progression Of Your Favorite Family’s Holiday Cards

Here in the R29 news department, we generally stay away from the Kardashians. There's only so many times you can report on crazy Kanye/Kim outfit #123,383...and frankly, while we're sure she's a lovely person, there are plenty of rising style stars — without reality shows — whom we're eager to write about.

But, for better or worse, the Kardashians are a part of our culture. And we couldn't help but notice that the meteoric arc of this singular American obsession is perfectly reflected in the increasingly sparkly, staged progression of the other first family's annual Christmas cards.

Let's begin. First, we have this lovely motorcycle-themed setup. A great way to tell your friends "May the angels watch over you this holiday season...Hell's Angels!" We wouldn't call this card particularly normal, and it's certainly higher budget than the average American family's outing to the Sears photo studio, but it's not that crazy, either. (Gawker)

This is our favorite of the lot, and you can probably guess why. Jeans and white tops? So nineties! Plus, they're looking like a nice, wholesome family with a relatively normal level of tan. But that won't last long.

And it begins. One minute, you're standing, fresh-faced and wide-eyed, on a beach...next thing you know, you're wearing ten pounds of sequins and posing in front of a cardboard castle. Ah, the perils of Hollywood.

We suppose this is meant to be the "fun" one of the group. Clad in all-white, more evident than ever here is the family's constant, practically exponential growth. Oh, and did you know Khloe Kardashian had to be Photoshopped in due to scheduling conflicts?

Probably the most astounding thing about this transformation is to watch Bruce Jenner slowly turn into your worst nightmare. But that's not the only thing that's wrong with this picture...

Look at poor Mercy (that's the cat). She died a few weeks ago, and it looks like she may have spent her last hours trapped in a box being photographed, while an ocean of glitter rained down around her. We love you, Mercy. We miss you. We hope that you were happy in that box, and that it wasn't just some Kardashian ploy to exploit Schrödinger for more cred in the exclusive Hollywood theoretical physics community.