Please, world, never take away Cher's keyboard. Let this woman continue to pen the most amazing series of sentences the English language has seen since William Burroughs pasted together Naked Lunch in the midst of opiate withdrawal. But first, let us back up. The sexagenarian muse of gypsies, tramps, and thieves recently spoke with
USA Today
about Miley Cyrus' deathless VMA performance. Cher, who more or less invented appearing mostly naked on stage, was not impressed. "She can't dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn't great, one cheek was hanging out," she said. "And, chick, don't stick out your tongue if it's coated." Ooh, girl.
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