There are plenty of sex toys on the market, made for all kinds of sex, with or without partners. But a toy made for a sex act most other toys don't address incited a hilarious thread of tweets on Wednesday.
The Sqweel 2 is an "oral sex simulator" from Lovehoney. It's meant to mimic the sensation of a tongue licking your clitoris, but many people on Twitter have questioned whether it would actually feel like the real thing. Based purely on a picture of the Sqweel 2, they're almost certain that it wouldn't.
there's no way this sex toy, meant to simulate oral, was designed by a woman pic.twitter.com/rCqMu9VCUI
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) May 3, 2017
"There's no way this sex toy, meant to simulate oral, was designed by a woman," Twitter user @BRANDYLJENSEN wrote.
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The toy essentially looks like a windmill made up of pink silicone "tongues." Hitting the power button rotates the wheel of tongues at three different speeds, and the reverse button spins the wheel in the opposite direction. There's even the option for a "flicker" sensation, according to the company's website.
People reacting to Jensen's tweet also compared the wheel of tongues to a paddleboat.
@BrandyLJensen ah instead of getting motorboated, you get paddleboated
— leon (@leyawn) May 3, 2017
speak for yourself, i exclusively date paddleboats https://t.co/9TD2D6mu2J
— Victoria McNally (@vqnerdballs) May 3, 2017
And to a water wheel.
@SquishVix @BrandyLJensen water wheels are God's sex toy
— Yung PurityTest ?? (@BasedMoonshine) May 3, 2017
This looks like a fucking medieval waterwheel https://t.co/P9vRBi7jtq
— dañeil ????? (@Neitzschee) May 3, 2017
But no matter what the Sqweel 2 looks like, Twitter is here to tear down the idea that repeatedly hitting a clitoris with silicone tongues is nothing like oral sex and would most likely just be unpleasant.
@BrandyLJensen i need this as far away from my vagina as possible
— social justice witch (@casfucker4real) May 3, 2017
@BrandyLJensen @AuFleecer this toy is what a person would design if a non-vagina-haver was verbally describing cunnilingus to them.
— ArachniBot (@MaggiBot) May 3, 2017
@BrandyLJensen It looks like you'd be getting continuously hit by Dunkin Donuts spoons
— Victoria Cross (@feministVictory) May 3, 2017
Still, we can't take the word of Twitter — especially when it's only based on a photo — that this toy is the worst thing ever. Sure, it looks weird, but what if the Sqweel 2 is actually fantastic?
So we sought out a few reviews to see what people who have actually used this toy really think, and the results were not that impressive.
Erika Moen, who runs the illustrated sex toy review blog Oh Joy Sex Toy, reviewed the Sqweel 2 back in 2013. "This ridiculous-looking toy is designed to replicate the feeling of oral sex," she wrote. "...if you have oral sex with a line of partners who give you one lick each." While she found the toy to be "fun and funny," she also mentioned that it never even got her close to orgasm.
An anonymous sex toy reviewer of the Sqweel 2 on Autostraddle had similar feelings. "The edges of the 'tongues' were thinner and tapered, so any mode where the edges came into contact with the body felt to me more like poking than licking," the anonymous reviewer wrote. While this reviewer thought that the toy would be "worth a shot" for anyone who was looking for a different sensation than sex toys usually provide, they weren't that into it.
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But perhaps most telling was the person who asked an Amazon vendor, "Is this product as terrible as everyone is saying it is?" Their response? "I have customers that love it and ones that don't - it is really a hard call to say it is 'terrible'."
Although there may be a few people out there for whom the Sqweel 2 is a wonderful sex toy, it's pretty clear that this toy is a niche product that — while we have no idea if it was actually designed by a man — doesn't seem to feel anything like a real person going down on you.
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