It's official: Fidget spinners have jumped the shark. How could they not, what with the whirlwind and weirdly sordid history they've had in their short, spinny lives?
First, they were a mere toy with supposed benefits for anxiety or ADD. Now, there is fidget spinner porn. There are fidget spinner cookies, because of course. There are fidget spinner butt plugs and also nail art. And did you know? You can use your fidget spinner to cook your dinner, to contour your makeup, and even to swipe right on your next date. It's high time someone stepped in to say something along the lines of, "Please, no more, I am dizzy, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH." And as of this week, that someone is the country of Germany.
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The Associated Press recently reported that German customs officials have seized no less than 35 metric tons of fidget spinners and are planning on — with much dramatic flair — "crushing them out of existence."
Apparently the officials who tested these possibly-useless toys found they were sub-par in terms of twirly-toy safety. For one thing, "bits could fall off and pose possible choking hazards for small children," according to AP. And if that weren't enough, Christine Strauss, a spokesperson for German customs, added that the gadgets also lacked brand information and legible instructions. And so, to the crush-pile they go.
There are probably quite a few German kids who are super bummed about this right now, but the Twitterverse at large is anything but. Parents, teachers, and random adults alike have taken to social media since Germany's announcement to celebrate the mass destruction of the annoying toys. See some of internet's current feelings on fidgets below. I, for one, hope we can consider this a "Ding-Dong, The Fidget's Dead" swan song for the peskiest product since Pogs.
Germany does what every teacher and parent dreams of ?#Fidgetspinners https://t.co/KmUwARZIYS
— MJ McKenna (@MJMCK3NNA) June 16, 2017
Germany is destroying 35 TONNES of fidget spinners today. Can we now all agree that Germany is winning?
— NomadChef (@N0madChef) June 16, 2017
Just saw a ton of boxes of fidget spinners in front of Bed Bath and Beyond. I hate 2017
— Stuart Raty (@StuartRaty) June 18, 2017
FIDGET SPINNERS CRUNCHING UNDER MY BOOTS, THE BONES OF DEAD AMUSEMENTS, I CONTINUED SEARCHING THE LANDFILL FOR MOTHER'S FAVORITE WIG.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) June 18, 2017
if everyone spins their fidget spinners at the same time we could probably end global warming
— brumlow (@amanda_brumlow) June 18, 2017
If you live-streamed this, people would watch. https://t.co/zolVxmxei3
— John Bowman (@johnbowman) June 16, 2017
Pour some Pogs on the curb for the all the fidget spinners we lost this year https://t.co/UVvehgNFp8
— Kevin Stanfield (@CTVStanfield) June 16, 2017
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