Cara Delevingne Talks About Her Struggle With Depression As A Teenager

Cara Delevingne explained her past struggles with depression and suicidal feelings as a young adult, and how they helped her capture the angst of her teenage protagonists in her new book Mirror, Mirror in an interview with Net-a-Porter's The Edit magazine.

In the interview, she explained that her mental health began to suffer stemming from struggles in school. "If I fail at something, it's the worst thing in the world because I never forgive myself," she shared with The Edit. "I didn't feel like I was ever good enough. The fact I couldn't do as well as other people made me hate myself. And you're made to feel that once you get a mark, like a C, that's your mark in life; that's you as a human being. That really sat with me for a long time."

Delevingne shared that she felt weird and different as a kid and how she lacked the ability to express those feelings. "I wish I could have given myself a hug. I wish I'd known that I was still in there somewhere, that I wasn't my own worst enemy, that I wasn't trapped. That if you can hold on for dear life — because being a teenager can feel like you're on a rollercoaster to hell, that's what it honestly felt like to me — you can get through it. Time moves on, feelings pass, it does get better."

Her feelings of alienation and loneliness continued, leading to a break from school at the age of 15 to receive treatment for depression. "I was very good at disassociating from emotion completely. And all the time I was second-guessing myself, saying something and then hating myself for saying it. I didn't understand what was happening apart from the fact that I didn't want to be alive anymore," she explained.

Since seeking help and treatment, Delevingne is now in a much healthier place. "I know it sounds really stupid, but I relied too much on love, too much on other people to make me happy, and I needed to learn to be happy by myself," she said. "So now I can be by myself, I can be happy. It took me a long time."

Delevingne delved into the YA fiction writing world, with a book set to be released October 5. In a post on Instagram earlier this year, the new author announced that she was publishing a book with a teaser of the plot saying, "Mirror, Mirror is a twisty coming-of-age story about sixteen year old friends Red, Leo, Naima and Rose who are all trying to figure out who they are and navigate the minefield of school and relationships. Until it all changes one day… (que scary music) I love these characters so much, I love what they stand for, what this story represents. The process of putting this novel together has been life changing and something I hold really close to my heart!! I cannot wait to share with everyone!"