A Sloth, A Cinderella & 28 More Women Vying For Colton Underwood's Heart

This January, Colton Underwood, a Bachelor three-peater, will rise to the role of the next Bachelor. Let's see, a few fast facts: Underwood is 26. He's a former tight end for the Oakland Raiders. He now runs a charity for cystic fibrosis. He sought love on Becca Kufrin's season of The Bachelorette, and then he hopped to Bachelor in Paradise, where he also failed to find love.

Now, he's our Bachelor.

Starting January 7, Underwood will woo 27 women on national television. These women will run the gamut from social media influencer (a must-have in Bachelor territory) to doctors, dental hygienists, and chemists. Tears will be shed. Because Underwood is openly a virgin, the show will feature sexual innuendos a-plenty. Per a recent promo for the show, the opening episode will feature at least one "pop the cherry" joke. There will likely be puppies, because Underwood is very into them. The women will openly declare their love for Underwood. Dresses will be long and probably glittery. These women will try their best to make sense of reality television. According to the trailer released for the season, Underwood will himself cry — and maybe even walk off the set.

While this happens, something incredible will occur. Over two dozen women will slowly, secretly morph into Instagram influencers. Like seedlings reaching for the sun, they will take different paths. Some of them will start hawking Revolve. Others will worship at the altar of Sugar Bear Hair. The very devoted ones will start podcasts. Just a single one of them, the one who wins Underwood's heart, will become the greatest influencer of all.

These are their stories.