Hump, Marry, Kill: Life-After-Gossip Girl Edition

Hump: Imagine if Daria were reincarnated into a non-animated character with blonde hair, long legs, and a group of follower-friends like her sister Quinn’s — but also kept the amazing deadpan, real-talk, truth-dropping line delivery. That’s Dalia on Suburgatory. She kind of rocks my world, and the person who tweets for her is my new spirit animal.

P.S. This is meant to be read in a monotone cadence with an ironic, cynical drifting off at every punctuation mark. Now excuse me, I’m gonna go watch Sick, Sad World.

Marry: Forget about Leighton Meester and Blake Lively. The real breakout success of Gossip Girl is named Dreama Walker (Hazel...remember her?), and she’s currently starring as June, roommate of the B— in Apartment 23.

On this week’s Halloween episode, June played the hapless, relegated-to-a-subplot, rom-com best friend to Chloe’s star. As with every chick flick worth its repeated viewings on TBS, though, June’s machinations were the true driving the lead to find true love after a climactic airport chase. Especially the part where she made a video montage of Chloe and Benjamin to demonstrate what love looked like — except she didn’t have any pictures of Ben, so she used footage of Dave from Happy Endings. There’s nothing I love more than the extreme meta-ness of one sitcom paying homage to the show that airs in the timeslot before it with a YouTube-style shipping video. (If you don’t understand that last sentence, you probably need to stay in and surf the Internet more.)

Kill: Conversely, over in the total-downgrade-post-Gossip Girl category, we have Amanda Setton (Penelope). She’s now on The Mindy Project, where she’s forced to don her best Fran Drescher-by-way-of-Staten Island accent to play Mindy’s receptionist, Shauna. She’s mainly there to be the cool, twenty-something party-girl foil to Mindy's nerdy, desperate-to-be-hip thirty-something doctor. But in this post-Glee, post-”Born This Way,” post-Tina Fey era, there’s no need for Kaling’s character to be cast in such an uncool light.

It’s 2012. If I’ve learned anything from reading Tumblr, it’s that the boundaries have blurred, and what makes someone interesting, unique, and desirable is having interests and opinions. As long as Mindy has those (and she does; remember her rom-com obsession from the pilot?), there’s no need to hang with one-dimensional minor characters in need of dialect coaching. So Mindy Project writers, if you’re reading this, more storylines with Chris Messina, please.