How To Pleasure Your Partner's Prostate

My first image of pegging — as well as prostate play in the context of heterosexual relationships — involved a very binary gender swap. In my imagination, the woman embodied a fierce, dominatrix aesthetic, while the man was bound and helpless. Porn really cemented that image in my mind, but many years (and stimulated prostates) later, I’ve learned that this couldn’t be further from the reality of P-spot pleasure.

In some circles, “pegging” can refer to all forms of strap-on sex since people of all genders can give or receive it. Others prefer calling it "harness or strap-on sex" simply because the term pegging isn’t inclusive.

But no matter what we call it, the limited cultural dialogues we have about sex still assume that it is defined by a penis entering a vagina. And when you’re reared and socialized as a boy, there’s no assumption or expectation that you would ever be penetrated. This homophobic notion hinders some straight cis men from trying out butt stuff

For the most part, butts are the same regardless of your genitals. All butts have an anal opening, a ring of dual sphincters, and a rectum that begins at the sphincter and ends at the colon. Any beginners guide to anal play will lay down a good foundation for further exploration: You want to take it slow, use plenty of lube, and let the anal opening devour whatever you’re trying to insert (instead of shoving it in). The main difference in butts is that if you have a penis, you also have a prostate.

The prostate is a walnut-shaped gland that wraps around the urethral canal, and exists in order to create a nutrient rich ejaculate fluid that help sperm thrive. It’s location, and preferred types of stimulation, are nearly identical to that of the g-spot: it’s 2-3 inches inside to body on the belly side wall, and responds best to firm, rhythmic pressure. Stroke it, don’t poke it!

If you choose to insert fingers anally, I highly recommend using nitrile gloves or even a condom over the finger(s) you’re using. Not only is it a way to have safer sex, it also means you don’t need to worry about sharp hangnails or nail polish chipping off inside the body.

One tried and true method of stimulating the prostate is scooping back behind it, and gently tugging forward in a “come hither” motion. If your arms and hands aren’t able to get deep enough or hit the right angles, an anal-friendly toy that is 3 inches or longer with a curve or bulb at the end will be a helpful tool. Other motions you may want to experiment with in addition to the classic tug are side-to-side windshield wiper motions, gentle twisting motions, and rocking motions. My personal go-to move is crossing my middle and index fingers so that one finger can help the other apply more pressure — this makes my fingers feel more round instead of wide and flat once inserted.

If the idea of penetration still seems daunting, never fear — you can still stimulate the prostate. While internal stimulation can ease the pain of hemorrhoids and even help get rid of them, it may be far too sensitive and painful for some people. You can instead play with applying pressure to the perineum in various ways to provide an indirect stimulation to the prostate. This is really awesome to try out during oral sex, too!

Some people prefer to pair prostate play with external stimulation, but others like it on it’s own. Sometimes people ejaculate when they have an orgasm through prostate stimulation, and sometimes they don't. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. Some people do find, however, that prostate play without ejaculation provides a unique type of orgasm.

There is a delicious pleasure center in the butt that has been completely neglected because of sexual fear and shame. As some joke, why would God put a g-spot in your ass if you weren’t supposed to stimulate it? Anything new and unusual can feel frightening because of it’s unfamiliarity, but if you encourage yourself to move past the apprehension, entirely new dimensions of pleasure await you.

There are no “shoulds” when it comes to pleasure. But, if you find yourself suppressing the desire to begin or further explore anal play because of cultural myths, I encourage you and your partner to move past them and take charge of your desires.