In Defense Of Bad Vibes

Spend enough time on any social media platform and you’ll inevitably come across the three words that capture Gen Z and millennials' philosophical approach to modern living: good vibes only. Whether it’s being used as an affirmation or as a warning to those who possess "bad" vibes, over the past decade the internet has become obsessed with vibes. From vibe shifts to vibe checks, the growing popularity of the word indicates a shift in favor of emotional intuition. Alongside the recent virality of manifestation, it also confirms the generational shift from organized religion to new-age spirituality. But is focusing on good vibes only stunting us all emotionally and causing the vibes to get progressively worse overall?

There’s no denying that having an optimistic mindset and practicing encouraging self-talk can contribute to many positive outcomes in life. Studies show that it can improve your overall health, decrease stress, and reduce some risks of dying prematurely. "Good vibes only" culture, however, encourages something far less beneficial for everyone involved: toxic positivity. Pamela Rutledge, PhD, director of the Media Psychology Research Center in Newport Beach, California, says that toxic positivity creates "an artificial façade that hides negative emotions." In other words, rebuking someone for having bad vibes can become an excuse for avoiding difficult but important conversations, or challenging feelings.

"Healthy positive thinking is based on the authentic expression of emotions and acceptance. Positive thinking means approaching negative emotions in a positive way, and it often involves strategies for recognizing negative self-talk, challenging misconceptions, and actively making changes to shift your perspective," says Dr. Rutledge. "Toxic positivity is often equated with positive psychology, however, positive psychology doesn’t deny negative emotions. Refusing to acknowledge negative emotions or the difficulty of negative events keeps people from dealing with grief, loss, disappointment, anxiety, and uncertainty." This, she says, can damage people’s mental and physical health by increasing stress and depression.

Looking around at the world and the current political climate, it’s easy to understand the desire to entertain positive vibes, people, situations, or feelings alone — it offers an escape from reality. But sorting our feelings or other people into polarizing moral boxes and then rebuking them for being bad only adds more pressure to conform to unattainable and unhealthy goals. "Toxic positivity can make us less tolerant of ourselves and others. It precludes empathy and compassion and without those, there is no interpersonal connection," says Dr. Rutledge. "Emotional wellness doesn’t demand that you wallow in negative emotions. Wellness is about balance and feeling like you have the right to experience your emotions — that your experience is valid." 

Bobo Matjila, an online philosopher with a subscription newsletter called Bobo’s Void, says she has lost friends after being told she has bad vibes after suffering from depression. She considers good vibes only and viral lucky girl syndrome content a class issue that overlooks conversations about privilege. "There is something inherently classist about 'good vibes only' content because having good vibes requires a level of privilege, whether that be white privilege, class privilege, or neurochemical privilege," she says. "Anyone who is poor or going through a rough spot is going to have bad vibes, and the only way to consistently have good vibes is to live so far from reality that you experience none of its pain points." 

Matjila also sees strong links between the "manifestation industrial complex" and the current state of economic turmoil. "When [some of] our generation rejected Christianity because it felt archaic and oppressive, we replaced it with a much more insidious religion that gave us hope," she says. "It promises that even in the throes of an economic crash and late-stage capitalism, you can still accumulate wealth if only you stay positive and believe in yourself." The insinuation that the sole purpose of life is to accumulate good feelings and experiences fits neatly into a culture of hyperconsumerism, says Matjila, thereby "deprioritizing community, virtue, and health." 

By presenting manifestation, lucky girl affirmations, and a life filled with good vibes only as an alternative to tradition, the positivity rhetoric can end up being a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It adds to a modern culture where individualism is rampant and contributes to the current loneliness epidemic. After all, focusing on positivity alone doesn’t leave much room for the full range of emotions that enrich the human experience (and make having a connection with others possible). Being part of a community sometimes means having a hard conversation or doing an unappealing task for an ultimately worthwhile result. In the same way, listening to a sad song to the point where you cry can be moving and cathartic, despite not being inherently positive. 

To avoid falling into the good vibes only trap of toxic positivity, you don’t have to chase bad people or bad vibes, but instead consider that most elements of the human condition rarely fit neatly into a box labeled good or bad. "Realism means assessing a situation but remembering to treat yourself and others with empathy and compassion," says Dr. Rutledge. The focus then becomes on adopting coping strategies that help you meet challenges with resilience but not denial, she says. These strategies include mindfulness, gratitude, reframing (perspective-taking), problem-solving, and seeking social support from your community. For Matjila, it’s also about embracing the fact that there’s no escaping suffering, just living alongside it. "You have to imagine Sisyphus smiling," she laughs.