A Week In Berkeley, CA On A $229,800 Joint Income

A Note From Our Diarist: “My last diary covered a week in summer of 2020, the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, before vaccines were available. My son, Y., was about to enter his second semester of online school, my husband, B., was about to start graduate school in his 50s, and I had just started at a new job and had yet to meet any of my colleagues in person. Life was a series of Zoom meetings, dog walks, online Dungeons & Dragons, too much freelance work, and the occasional distanced meetup. Now it’s 2025 and we’ve all been through a lot — I’m sure you and yours have, too. Y. is 17 and in the last semester of his senior year, has been accepted to seven of the eight colleges he applied to (huzzah, all the help we gave him early on for his learning disabilities triumphed!), and is going to his prom next week. B. finished school and is now an associate mental health therapist at a high school, about to get his license. I’m almost five years into my ‘new’ job, love it, find it purposeful and invigorating, and my salary is 40% higher than it was. I’m still doing some freelance work, but more writing (I somehow became a food writer in the past few years) and less consulting.”

Occupation: Communications director
Industry: Higher education
Age: 56
Location: Berkeley, CA
Salary: $156,000
Joint Income: $229,800. I earn about $145,000 through my job, and $11,000 through freelance work; my husband B. earns $74,000. Our finances are totally shared. When we first married, he earned about twice what I made and now it’s the opposite. He went to graduate school for a mid/later-life career change. Now he’s a therapist, racking up supervised hours for his license.
Assets: B.’s retirement: $700,000; home value: $2,150,000; car value: $28,000; checking and savings: $25,800; 403(b): $18,553; college savings: $68,200. I have a pension through work; if I stay at my university until I retire, I could cash out with $1.6 million cash —  about $10,000 per month before tax (plus paid health insurance!).
Debt: Mortgage plus HELOC: $788,137; credit card debt: $22,900 (yes, this is wild; it’s all on a 0% offer).
Paycheck Amount (1x/month): $12,542 (includes my salary, B.’s salary, and freelance average).
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing Costs: $3,892 mortgage and HELOC payment; $1,450 property tax. Household consists of myself, husband B., son Y., three cats, and a small dog.
Loan Payments: $300 (for credit card debt).
Gas & Electric: Ranges from $60 to $285 depending on time of year (we have solar so only pay for a small fee for electric hookup but our heat is gas).
Water: $300 every other month.
Garbage: $149 every 3 months.
Internet: $90
Ridwell Recycling: $18
Home/Auto Insurance: $236
Life Insurance: $136.26
Mobile Phones: $130
College Fund: $150
Y.’s Allowance: $40 per week.
Savings: $300
B.’s Gym: $64
My ClassPass: $89
Netflix: $22.99
News Subscriptions: $37
Apple Music: $10.99
Charity: $65
Health Insurance: $352.33 (pre tax).
Healthcare FSA: $91.67 (pre tax).
Transit Benefit: $21.70 (pre tax).
Retirement: Eight percent of my paycheck; 10% of B.’s.
Other paycheck deductions: $295.79 (disability insurance, legal insurance, supplemental life and health insurance). I’m feeling like I might be slightly overinsured, but as the primary breadwinner, I am erring on the careful side.

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, I grew up thinking that I’d go to college, and went to a private high school where everyone went to college afterwards. Both my parents went to college, and one of my grandparents did (but it was to become a minister, so a very different type of college than where I ended up!). I went to a public university when it was cheap and my parents paid for it out of pocket. I always worked, but that was really spending money as my parents paid my rent. I also have a master’s degree from a public university that I paid for myself out of pocket — I was a part-time student and took seven years to graduate. By my last semester, I had a two-year-old and a full-time job and was taking three graduate-level courses. Looking back, I don’t know how I did it!

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
We didn’t have a lot of money conversations. As I said in my previous diary, my dad had a good salary; my mom stayed home until I was in middle school (she went back to college to become a paralegal). We had a big house and went to private school, but we didn’t go on expensive vacations and rarely ate out. I think that was just normal for the 1970s/1980s. I used to help my mom write the checks for our monthly bills. I’d lick the stamps. There was a time when I was in middle school when some sort of investment my parents made went bad and I know they owed taxes. I remember my father being upset but I don’t remember that lasting very long.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
Babysitting at 12. My mom made me. Then I had a full-time office job the summer I was 16 and then delved into the (non-)lucrative world of ice cream scooping. I used my funds to pay for gas and clothes and snacks and such. By the time I left for college I felt like I had a lot saved up. It was probably $1,500!

Did you worry about money growing up?
No.

Do you worry about money now?
Yes. I worry about our credit card debt. My husband went back to a two-year grad school program four years ago. We formed a consulting business so he’d have at least some income, but we did incur some debt just taking care of normal stuff. That said, we did manage to pay for his degree, send our son to a one-month study abroad program last year, and hire a college counselor all out of pocket. Our credit card debt is still too high, but we’re working on it. I’m also worried about the price of college (coming up so soon — eek!). I’m not going to let my son end up with huge college debt. We’ve agreed that he’ll pay $5,000 per year into college. That can be a loan or money earned from campus jobs. He probably won’t work his first year, but he is a saver and already has something like $3,000 in his savings account (and he already has a CD account!). The rest we’ll pay through our college savings and cash and some help from my parents — they are about to sell their long-time home and have agreed to put $15,000 per year towards my son’s education. I’m beyond grateful.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I started supporting myself when I graduated from college at 22. But I’ve always known my parents would be there for me if I had a big financial issue. They’ve been generous with birthday and Christmas gifts over the years — a few hundred dollars here and there.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Yes, my grandmother gave me a $10,000 inheritance before she died and my parents each gave me $10,000 so I could buy my first property (a tiny apartment in Manhattan) when I was about 30. They also paid for my wedding and are helping with my son’s college education.

9 a.m. — It’s Sunday and I wake up at the leisurely hour of 9 a.m., mainly because my 17-year-old son, Y., announces that he needs to go work on a school project at 10:30 a.m. His dad, B., agrees to drive him, so I head downstairs, cats yowling for food. B. has been up for hours and already gone to the gym and cleaned the kitchen. I feed the pets, let the chickens out of their house, start some coffee, and make myself some avocado toast. Then I take the dog on a walk, where we meet his dog pal, Lola. Delight abounds. While I’m out, Y. and B. leave. I’m just so proud of Y. — he’s a senior in high school and has a few learning disorders that mean he has had to work harder than other kids to get the same stuff done. Four years ago, I didn’t know if he’d be going to college at all, but on Friday, he found out he’s been accepted by his first choice of college. I see B. ordered a tea while out. $3

12:30 p.m. — Realize I need to leave in half an hour to get to choir rehearsal. I started singing with a community choir soon after the pandemic wound down; a good friend was a choir member and encouraged me to apply. I did, but it took me three years to get off the waiting list! We aren’t professionals, but we are very good, and we’re led by a professional conductor. We’re even going on tour in Europe this summer, which I’m really looking forward to (and I’m already fretting about what to pack). I loved singing in high school, but didn’t think I was good enough to continue after that. Looking back, I’m so mad at myself for denying the pleasure of singing on stage. And it’s a fabulous way to find community, too. It’s given so much structure and joy to my life. I love the work and stretching myself. I feel like I could move almost anywhere in the world as long as there was a choir to join, a bookstore to browse, and work that held meaning for me. I’m a young chicken for my current choir (it’s been around for 50 years and there are members who joined them when it was founded), but I love seeing older folks really giving their all. I pop on some sunscreen and mascara then heat up leftover chana masala from last night and eat that while I order ahead for a hibiscus hot tea from the café just down the street ($3.15 with a reward I had for using their app). I leave the house about 12:55 p.m., grab the tea, and get to the bus stop right when the bus arrives (my transit benefit fills my card automatically). Huzzah! $3.15

1:30 p.m. — Arrive near the church where the rehearsal is taking place — before I started singing in choirs again, I hadn’t been in a church for anything other than a wedding or christening for YEARS. Now I’m in churches all the freaking time because they have pianos and the space for music rehearsals! I’m early for choir and feeling carsick from the bus, so I walk a block down to a grocery store, where I buy saltines (best carsickness cure) and some beans and tomato paste for a veggie chili I’m going to make later today to have for lunch all week. (The total is $10.66, but I have a gift card from a focus group I participated in last week, so use that instead of cash from our bank account.) $10.66 

1:45 p.m. — I eat some crackers and also pop into a bookstore, where I buy an oral history of D Day as a birthday present for Y. This costs $35.83 but I pay with the same gift card. $35.83 

4 p.m. — I’m back on the bus after rehearsal, where I once again get viciously carsick. My son’s math tutor came while I was out, so I venmo him $100. When I get home, the dog is delighted and acts like I was gone for weeks. I lay in bed for half an hour until I stop feeling awful, then read a story by Louise Kennedy, a writer who I only just discovered. I read her novel Trespasses last month and really loved it, so I bought her short story collection next. She’s about my age and her first novel came out in 2022 — so I love her even more! $100

5:30 p.m. — I feed all the animals and walk the dog. When I return, I prep the chili and set the slow cooker. For dinner, we have pasta with a tasty, spicy-yet-sweet sauce for dinner. 

9:30 p.m. — The kitchen is clean and I’m bathed and have completed my nighttime routine, which now includes hormone replacement therapy, which has changed me for the better; I can once again sleep through the night without being a sweaty mess at night and a zombie during the day. 

7:26 a.m. — Beat my alarm by four minutes. B. comes upstairs bearing a bowl of tuna and lets me know that our 14-year-old kitty T. didn’t eat her food last night or this morning. She has kidney disease and hyperthyroidism, so normally she’s very hungry. The tuna is for her. I start looking at emails and news in bed (bad habit) while B. takes a shower. When he comes out, the tuna has vanished and I didn’t even notice. Our cat D. is the main suspect. This is my call to get up, and I go downstairs, let the dog out, release the chickens, make myself coffee, give T. more tuna (which she eats with gusto), sneak medication in her ear, and feed the dog. The math tutor is coming again today at 8:20 a.m. (AP statistics is super hard, y’all), so get dressed in a dark floral maxi dress and dark green cardigan and do some skincare — vitamin C serum, moisturizer, and sunscreen — and pop on some tinted primer, blush, eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara. $100

9 a.m. — I make lunch for Y. before he leaves and avocado toast for me, then take the dog on a walk. As we leave, I see a text from a friend — her first granddaughter was just born! Thrilled for her. She’s a fair bit older than me, so I can still feel like a youngster with a kid in high school, lol! It’s raining and the dog’s not too interested in walking, though he meets a very enthusiastic shaggy dog named Rico. Return and get to work on editing research news.  At 11:30 a.m., I grab a ginormous rainbow umbrella to meet a colleague who works for a different school within my university. She and I have a lovely Japanese lunch near campus ($17.50 on my gift card). Head out, thankful for my giant umbrella as it’s raining steadily now. Take bus back home. Dog is delighted. $17.50 (Expensed)

3:30 p.m. — Take another bus to get to a doctor’s appointment. See my doctor then down to the lab for some bloodwork. I’m now scheduled for an ultrasound in a few weeks to figure out why I’ve been having pelvic pain. (Doctor is $20 copay but my medical spending plan covers that.) $20

5:30 p.m. — On the way back home, I get the news that Y. has been admitted to yet another college. I get off the bus and somehow manage to stumble into a resale shop, where I spot a pair of John Fluevog ankle boots. I try them on and think: “Do they look cool or like something the pilgrims would have worn?” I ask a woman who’s older than 35, but younger than me, what she thinks. She seems dubious. But she’s wearing athleisure and looking for running shoes, so I think maybe she and I have different taste. I get the boots ($53.95). Maybe I’ll make pilgrim chic a thing (google it — it was actually already a thing about 10 years ago?!)? B. and Y. are both home when I return and Y. takes the dog on a walk after I feed him. Dog walk lasts about 10 minutes because it’s still raining and our dog is a prima donna. $53.95

6 p.m. — I finish up a few work things I didn’t have time to complete before the doctor and order dust mite covers for our pillows and mattresses. B. and I both have postnasal drip something awful — the doctor told me a few years ago it was dust mites and I did nothing about it but complain again four years later. So now she put it in my medical records that I should buy these damn covers. So I buy them on Amazon ($70.32 — ouch). I check in with B., who seems to have laryngitis, and then eat something before leaving for choir practice. $70.32

7 p.m. — We only have a few more rehearsals before performing. Usually, our conductor’s highest praise is, “Not bad. Not at all bad.” But today he says we are beautiful. Towards the end of rehearsal, my voice is cracking. Maybe I'm getting whatever caused B. to develop laryngitis? I also maybe am not a soprano anymore (your voice changes as you age) but I love being the angel in all these classical requiems. The sopranos are the delightfully sweet cherubs singing up in the stratosphere and it’s hard to let that go. 

9:30 p.m. — After choir, I drive back home (dog is delighted), where B. is for-real sick now. I’m worried my husband has some sort of virus I could catch. With a performance in just a few weeks, I can't afford to get sick, so I set up to sleep in my office. I sometimes find it hard to settle down after choir practice so have a glass of wine while checking the bank account (husband spent $29.35 at Trader Joe’s). Then skincare, medication, off to bed with a book. Lights out by 10:45 p.m., though I have an awful time falling asleep, partially because I’m cold and have to get up and get a second blanket. $29.35

7:30 a.m. — Wake up, make coffee and get dressed in a fancy outfit since I have a work party tonight. It’s in our office building, so not actually glam, but I put on a metallic floral brocade skirt (I bought the fabric and my mom made it for me. Spoiler alert: It gets many compliments today) and a black funnel-neck top with my new pilgrim chic boots. Skincare, makeup, clean cat box, walk dog (it’s no longer raining; we meet his pal Thea and there is much rejoicing). T. still isn’t looking great today so I call the vet and make an appointment for tomorrow. B. will take her. Rush out the door and drive to work (I have the car today). Get to my desk, edit an op ed and an article. Test results start coming back from the blood draw I had yesterday. All normal thus far. 

12 p.m. — I realize I forgot to bring my lunch. ARGH. Order a hot honey chicken to pick up at 12:30 p.m. ($10.20, but I use a coupon). $10.20

12:30 p.m. — Move my car (I don’t want to pay for a parking permit, so I just move it every two hours) and pick up lunch.

2:30 p.m. — Move my car again then sit in it for 15 minutes listening to the audio book of Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.

2:45 p.m. Work, work, work.

5 p.m. Time for the party! At first, it’s a little awkward, but then things gel and it’s fun. There is a (blessedly short) speech from the dean, tasty snacks that add up to a real meal, and bubbly wine. I’m one of the last to leave (at 7:45 — haha, late-night partiers this group is not). I sneakily look at my phone and see a story I wrote about a new local wine bar is up on a local news site. Also while I’m at the party, Y.’s tutor comes yet again (normally, he’s at our house once a week, but the final is this week). $100

8 p.m. — Get home to the boys and the pets (dog is delighted). B. is still sick, Y. finishing up a final project. I see that $46.30 was taken out of our bank account for a skirt I purchased last week. I also received a package — a phone case for my mother that I bought off Etsy a few weeks back (hers is looking a bit worse for wear, so I thought I'd surprise her with a new one). I clean up the kitchen a little, then get into comfy clothes, do skincare, settle down to read in the spare room with the dog and cat R. as company. Lights out for B. and me by 10:15 p.m. $46.30

7:30 a.m. — Alarm goes off. I snooze four times while the dog and kitty R. cuddle me. I love, love, love that feeling of being cozy in bed in the morning. When I finally get up, I let the dog and chickens out and feed the animals, giving T. some tuna. Y. heads off to his first day of finals and B. is still sick. I used the last of my coffee yesterday so I go without, and do basic skincare and get dressed (high-waisted blue jeans, a black T-shirt, and a vintage faux fur leopard print coat. I’m really leaning into my eccentric old lady era. I’m also wearing black flats with buckles that I realize are pilgrim chic adjacent. I guess that’s my jam!). On the way out with the dog, I place an order for a pound of ground coffee and a large coffee to go from the café on the corner. I love living in a small college town (just across the bay from a world-class city) and being just a block from a shopping street. $23.45

10 a.m. — Start work on the living room couch. T. the cat comes to sit on my lap. I’m worried about her and think we may need to take her with us when we drive down to my parents’ house on Sunday. This reminds me that I should call my mom to let her know. I call and talk to both my parents, who are in their late 80s (how did that happen?!). Grab breakfast of Grapenuts with blueberries and milk. Y. got to experience Grapenuts for the first time over the weekend. His verdict: disgusting. It’s cold out so I turn on the fireplace and work in front of it. Meanwhile, B. leaves with T. for the vet. He calls more than an hour later with the sad news that all her kidney values are worse. She gets some new medications. Poor little lady is in the final phase of life. $688

4 p.m. — Y. returns and says he thinks he’s done well on his finals. He needs to print out study guides for a final he’s having tomorrow. And for some reason he can’t print from his laptop. So he needs to use mine and since our printer sucks, it takes a million years, so I’m loitering while he’s doing that and then finally just go out and take the dog on a walk. Practice French on the Babbel app while I’m out. While I’m walking, I see Y. purchased a book for his Kindle. $4.99

5 p.m. — B. makes another trip to Trader Joe’s for cough drops, toilet paper, and food to last through Sunday ($44.54) and then goes off to prep dinner. I finish up some work then review some music before changing into workout gear and leaving for a very chilled pilates class with faux candles (booked through ClassPass). Back home, eat a dinner of beans with plantains and green onions, take a bath, do skincare and take medication, watch an episode of The Diplomat, then off to (my real) bed to begin Ottessa Moshfegh’s novel, Lapvona. She is a quirky writer, but I generally really like her work. Sleep by 10:30 p.m. $44.54

7:30 a.m. — Alarm goes off and I actually get up. Feed dogs/cats, make coffee, clean cat box, do my morning skincare, get dressed (asymmetrical knee-length blue skirt with very tiny polka dots, a long-sleeved black V-neck, tights, low heels, and a black blazer), put on makeup, gather up all my stuff, and am in the car before I realize I never ate breakfast. Grab a bagel on the way into work. It’s cold enough this morning to see my breath; weather app says it feels like 37 degrees, which is pretty cold for this part of California! $1.50

5 p.m. — Work involved a leadership meeting, general work, plus checking in on the news. Since my job is in communications, keeping up on the media is part of my job. A faculty member comes by to borrow a camera and I have a nice chat with her. I remembered my lunch (the chili I made way back on day one. It’s meh). Spend the afternoon finishing things up and doing some digital tidying (cleaning up email inbox). Everyone’s feeling end-of-weekish. I press on, partially because I’m taking my team out to dinner tonight in the neighborhood. On the dot of 5 p.m., I head out with one team member for pre-dinner mezcal cocktails (I pay). We have two and she tells me a lot about her childhood (which sounds pretty different than mine — her parents grew weed in the backyard!). $82.03

6:30 p.m. — We amble over to a vegan sushi joint where another colleague joins. One of the rolls we order at the vegan sushi joint has a listed ingredient of “suspense” — turns out one piece is spicy. And whoever gets the spicy one is supposed to also drink the glass of sake that comes with the dish! My team member who didn’t already have cocktails gets to experience the spice and the drink. There’s another roll that has “fire” listed as an ingredient. And I realize that’s literal as the table next to us receives a plate that is on fire. We have three rolls and some vegetable tempura, edamame, and miso soup. Two of us have a glass of white wine each and our colleague who drank the sake also gets a tea. It’s a nice meal with presents and we roll out very full at 8 p.m. The meal is $162 on the company credit card. $162 (Expensed)

8:15 p.m. — Back home, dog is delighted and I get various reports: Y. thinks he did well on his science final, dog has been walked, sick kitty T. ate a large dinner. I am beat and immediately change into PJs, watch another episode of The Diplomat in bed and then read more Ottessa Moshfegh. I don’t really notice when I turn off the lights but it’s probably slightly early at 9:45 p.m. It’s super chilly and I fall asleep wearing… A cardigan. I vaguely remember waking up in the middle of the night and taking it off. At some point in the day, B. spent $10.80 at Trader Joe’s (his fave store!), probably for his lunch. $10.80

7:30 a.m. — Alarm goes off. No thank you. Snooze a million times. Finally get up at 8:15 a.m. Take dog out, release chickens, feed pets, move along some washing B. started, and get going on coffee. Also start working right away because we’ve got a newsletter going out today and one item we’ve been waiting for is now ready to be published to our website. After the newsletter has gone out, I get dressed in real clothes (wide-legged black pants and an oversized white sweater) and head out with the dog. I do a bigger loop today and practice some French. The dog meets one nice dog and one mad chihuahua. Back home, I eat some Grapenuts and blueberries and quickly dye my eyelashes (it takes five minutes). Then I send my son his allowance ($40, listed in monthly expenses) and finish up some more work. I really don’t have much to do today, so I decide to do more email inbox cleaning. 

11:30 a.m. — Move to the living room and get cozy with my laptop and the dog. Cat B. joins us. 

1 p.m. — I heat up some of my meh chili, start a load of laundry, and empty the dishwasher. Garnish the chili with plain yogurt, green onions, and saltines. Eat in front of the fireplace. This day is dragging. I need to create a tribute board to someone who is leaving our school, so pay $26.56 for Kudoboard. This will be reimbursed. $26.56 (Expensed)

2 p.m., I move my laundry along, then watch something dumb on YouTube. 

4 p.m. — Y. comes home and says he’s feeling confident about this math final and thrilled this semester is over! He stopped off to get pizza and look at books at the library on the way home. He’s such a good guy! B. comes home and he and Y. go out to get some dinner before Y.’s Friday night D&D game downtown. I hang around the house, eating leftovers and reading. B. returns around 6:15 p.m. and then I leave to pick Y. up when the game ends at 9 p.m. Normal bedtime routine. B. and I chat about upcoming plans — we’re looking forward to driving down to LA for a family reunion this weekend! $37.49

10 a.m. — After normal morning things at home (dog delighted to meet canine friends while out walking, Grapenuts eaten, etc.), I pull on some jeans, a T-shirt, and my leopard coat to meet my friend, C., for coffee at a Yemeni cafe. I get Yemeni coffee, with cardamom and nutmeg, and C. has coffee with rose syrup in it and rose petals sprinkled on top. We lounge around in a padded booth and chat for a few hours. I pick up both coffees plus a pastry for us, as she paid last time. $19.35

12 p.m. — On the way back home to pack up for our drive, I top up our gas. $36.23

2 p.m. — Have spent a fair amount of time this afternoon packing while nagging Y. to pack up his own stuff. Inevitably, we’ll forget some small but crucial thing, like a phone charger or toothpaste. B. is cooking lunch at my parent’s house (he loves cooking, thank God, as I am mainly mediocre at it). He visits both Safeway and Trader Joe’s to get ingredients ($215.34). We’re all spent after finals, being sick (poor B.), and just generally the end of another busy week, so it feels fantastic to have a night at home with nothing too pressing to do. We enjoy the fireplace and watch The Shining together over a mixed-up dinner of leftovers to empty the fridge. $215.34

“We spent more during this highlighted week than normal — even though my husband was under the weather and not spending much time out of the house — mostly because of T.’s health woes. And I have very sad news: poor T. passed away soon after I wrote this diary. It was heartbreaking, but partially eclipsed by the fact that my parents’ neighborhood in LA had burned down a week before. Over the past few months, I’ve spent a huge amount of time going back and forth between northern and southern California and dealing with my parents’ damaged property. They are safe and have moved into senior housing near my brother’s house. But it has been a hard 2025 so far on multiple fronts. 

“Looking back at this snapshot feels a bit surreal — but reflecting on my COVID-19 era diary seems bizarre, too. On the plus side, we’ve paid off more than $1,500 of that credit card debt since the end of 2024 and my son chose a college that offered him a great merit aid package. As always, one step forward, one step back. C’est la vie (at least I’m going to sing in Paris in June!). Before the pandemic, I was working on a novel and even received several scholarships to writers’ residencies. The pandemic and then getting my son through the college application process set me back, but I’m starting up again, on a new project this time. Wish me luck! Maybe I’ll be a published author by the time I’m 60. It’s never too late, don’t you think?”