Should We All Be Having Sex Every Day?

When you first start dating someone new, you might have sex all the time. It’s not unheard of for new couples to have sex three, four, or even five times in one day. But while you might start a new relationship thinking that your sex life will stay like this forever, usually, that’s not the case. As your relationship goes on for longer, you might decide you’d rather sleep in instead of waking up for morning sex before work.

As you move out of the "honeymoon phase" (no actual honeymoon required) and find your new normal, you may be totally fine with having sex less often. Or you might miss what sex was like in the early days of your relationship. You might wonder, what would happen if you went back to having sex every day?

It’s actually pretty rare for couples to have sex every day. A 2017 YouGov survey found that only 4% of adults say they have sex at least once a day. More common answers were a few times a week (14%), once a week (8%), and a few times a month (14%). But when asked how often they would like to have sex, those numbers got a little higher. 13% of respondents said they would like to have sex every day, while 26% said their ideal frequency would be a few times a week (additionally, 12% said once a week, and 10% said a few times a month).

There are benefits to having sex regularly: sex reduces stress, promotes bonding, and even increases self-esteem. And while you might have to get slightly less sleep, there aren’t any major drawbacks to having sex every day. In fact, there are no shortage of books and articles out there challenging people to have sex every day for a week, a month, or a year, saying that it will improve your relationship. But is having sex every day really a sustainable goal?

“Having sex daily can be a realistic goal, if that's what you and your partner are interested in; it also depends on your definition of sex,” Brianna Rader, CEO and founder of sex and relationship coaching app Juicebox, tells Refinery29.

“If your definition of sex includes mutual masturbation or cuddling together while each of you gets off, then that makes a daily sexual routine more realistic,” she explains. “There are other ways to have intimacy besides penetrative sex, and opening up to different definitions of sex will likely increase your frequency of sex. Explore more options for varying situations and scheduling limitations.”

However, the frequency of sex isn’t the most important factor in evaluating your sex life. “I think the quality of sex is far more important than quantity,” Rader points out. “Would you rather have sex twice a week with long, 1.5 hour-plus sessions with multiple orgasms, or quick, mediocre sessions each day?”

She adds that certain types of sex require more prep time or recovery time. This means that if you do have sex every day, you might end up having types of sex you enjoy less. “Sometimes the type of sex you want to have requires preparation (like anal sex) that would be exhausting to do daily. Or, if you like rougher sex, you may want breaks between sessions to recover from soreness,” she says.

Ultimately, if you and your partner are happy with your sex life, you don’t need to have sex every day. As Rader puts it, “Don't get caught up in the numbers!”