How To Party All Night If You're Basically A Grandma

If you're here reading this story, there's a good chance you have plans to get lit tonight. Maybe you RSVP'd yes to too many parties and now are trying to figure out how you're going to make it to all of them? Or perhaps you're going out with some of your wilder friends and are worried you won't be able to keep up with their antics. Or you could be planning an all-night sex romp with your partner. There's just one problem: You're basically a grandma. Your eyelids have this annoying tendency to get unbearably heavy after the hours of 9 p.m., and your pillow is constantly calling your name.

Some of us have a really hard time going out at night, because we get tired, bored, or just drunk fast. Sadly, social lives don't always begin at 5 p.m. the way we'd like them to, and sometimes you do have to pull it together and attempt to stay alive after the sun goes down.

If this is you, we're not here to judge. Staying in instead of going out is a luxury, and is honestly pretty responsible of you. Having a consistent bedtime is like rule #1 of sleep hygiene. But if you need some night-owl pointers for those special nights when you decide to go out, ahead are some ways to survive without being that jerk attempting to swallow yawns at the club.