Hump, Marry, Kill: Pete Campbell Sucks At Life

Hump: Awkward made its triumphant return to MTV this week with a supersize season premiere that had everything: a pregnancy scare, the unfortunate demise of a notorious Palos Hills personality, gefilte fish, and Jamara’s official debut as a hot-and-heavy couple. As per usual, though, it was Molly Tarlov as Sadie who stole the show with her epic memorial confession and, of course, “You’re welcome.”

Marry: As someone who has definitely not seen every episode of My Boys and was totally not a PJ/Brendo shipper, it’s really great to see this Reid Scott guy suddenly appearing everywhere. On My Boys (which fine, I’ll admit I might have caught one or two episodes of), he was an adorably scruffy slacker who owned a bar (my kryptonite...and speaking of, did you watch the Man of Steel trailer? Holy Henry Cavill, Batman!). On Veep, Scott plays the underhanded, cutthroat Dan Egan, a role which strips him of all rugged handsomeness and keeps his face shaved to prepubescent boy levels of smoothness — God forbid people who work on Capitol Hill appear human and have five o’clock shadows. Not his best look, but handsomeness cannot remain hidden for long!

On Wednesday, Scott popped up again as a male nurse who pretends to be a doctor to impress Sarah Chalke’s character on the new ABC sitcom How to Live With Your Parents (for the Rest of Your Life). Didn’t we get over the whole murse insecurity thing after Meet the Parents? Have the gender-role perspective shifts of the last decade not yet hit the medical profession? These are all questions I’m sure absolutely no one else is thinking about, so let’s just conclude with the undeniable fact that Reid Scott is hot.

Kill: Oh, Pete Campbell, this could have gone so many other ways. Instead, you’ve become a Don Draper wannabe, having affairs with mentally ill women and a clingy neighbor with a violent, jealous husband. In a way, their lives are paralleling each other — Don’s sleeping with a neighbor, too; and who knows, that could blow up in his face in the future — but this is Pete Smugface Campbell we’re talking about. His wife gave him permission to cheat, and he somehow managed to fail at it. What’s the complete opposite of the expression “Some people have all the luck?” Can we just make it “Sorry you’re such a Pete Campbell?”