A Week In Montana On A $210,000 Joint Income

Occupation: Natural resource specialist
Industry: State government
Age: 42
Location: Montana
Salary: $81,000
Joint income: My husband, C., is 51, in the same career field as me and part-owner of a small business. He makes a $100,000 base salary, and at the end of the year also takes his portion of profits, usually ranging from $30,000 to $70,000. The low end is almost a sure bet, so we consider our joint salary to be roughly $210,000. We also get $12,000 a year in rent at our rental house, which is mostly offset by its bills. I keep the rent purposely low so we can be picky and keep long-term tenants. We put all income into one joint pot and allocate all spending and savings from there.
Assets: My retirement: $290,000; C.’s retirement: $615,800; credit union savings and checking: $21,000; additional savings account (used to pay business loan etc.): $74,600; Wealthfront HYSA: $40,400; investments: $55,700; kids’ 529s: $38,000; house value: $600,000; rental house value: $250,000; my car value: $6,500; C.’s car value: $12,500; C.’s portion of business value: $237,500; C.’s portion of office building value: $187,000.
Debt: Mortgage: $229,300; rental mortgage: $72,000; C.’s business loan: $54,000; C.’s portion office building: $104,200.
Paycheck amount (1x/month (me), biweekly (C.)): $4,600 (me); $2,900 (C.).
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: Mortgage payment, including taxes and insurance: $2,360.
Loan payments: C.’s business loan: $1,080.
Utility bills: $480 (gas, electric, water, city, internet, cell phone).
Family insurance: $490 (health/dental/vision/life; me, pre-tax).
Additional life insurance: $65
Infant daycare: $825
Elementary after-school program: $450 (this will be the same rate for all-day care in the summer so it’s pricey now but a good deal then).
Streaming/SiriusXM/Google/subscriptions: $155
House cleaning: $240
Diaper subscription: $65
Retirement: $1,050 (me, pre-tax, 15% of gross pay).
Retirement: $1,625 (C., pre-tax — maxing out Simple IRA).
Donations: $150 (average).
Rental house expenses: $885 (mortgage and bills).
Kiddo allowance: ~$22

Annual Expenses

Amazon Prime: $149 (ugh, we hate Jeff Bezos but with no Target anywhere nearby, it’s helpful for last-minute kid needs).
Car registration: $550
Car insurance: $1,220
Homeowner’s insurance: $1,680 (this is for our rental house — the insurance isn’t rolled into the mortgage as it often would be).

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Absolutely. I was always a high achiever in school, and my parents very much gave my sister and me the ’90s-era “Go to college and you can do anything you want for your life!” advice. I got a lot of pressure to excel in school, and my parents encouraged me to attend the best/most competitive college I could get into. I chose a highly competitive liberal arts college in New England for my bachelor’s. I got a great financial aid package, including a lot of scholarships and an on-campus job, and I also ended up with about $30,000 total in student loans (not bad considering the ticket price for my college). My parents and grandparents paid the tuition that my financial aid package didn’t cover, with savings they had earmarked for this purpose. I got my master’s in zoology/wildlife biology, and I had my tuition paid through an assistantship and received a small ($1,200 a month) stipend that mainly covered my costs.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My parents, especially my mom, were very frugal when my sister and I were kids. We heard very frequently that we couldn’t afford certain toys or clothes, we rarely went out to eat (and had to choose something $6 or cheaper off the menu when we did, lol) and during vacations from school, we only went camping or to visit family (I love/loved camping and visiting family, so this was great). I did learn a lot about budgeting. When we were in junior high and high school, my parents gave us a stipend and we needed to buy all our own non-necessities from that, including clothes, gifts for friends’ birthdays, school lunches, some toiletries apart from the basics, and anything new we wanted. It was a tight budget and I definitely didn’t have enough money to buy all the things I wanted or felt I “needed.” My mom also taught me about balancing a checkbook, but I had just a vague concept of the stock market and compound interest and all that.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was babysitting for families in the neighborhood, just for spare money for spending. I think I was 12 and made $5 an hour for multiple kids. I usually found the kids kind of annoying and I didn’t particularly like it. (As a parent now, leaving multiple kids with a 12-year-old seems wild!) My first W-2 job was at a local coffee shop/bakery when I was 16. It was fun and it was for things like gas money, new clothes, going to the movies with friends, and plenty went into my savings account as well.

Did you worry about money growing up?
At the time, I felt some anxiety about money. It wasn’t clear to me that my parents’ frugality was a choice, not purely a necessity, if that makes sense. I remember on road trips, driving around between cheap motels so my mom could try lying on the bed and find the cheapest motel that didn’t hurt her back. Things like this gave me some financial anxiety, and I didn’t realize at the time that my parents COULD afford more, they were just aggressively saving. They made smart financial decisions and were able to pay off their house and put much of their money into retirement/the stock market, and that has really benefited them now in their retirement. They are a lot more comfortable, and proportionately generous, now. But no, I never had any existential worries about them being able to pay for the necessities or for occasional indulgences, I was able to participate in extracurriculars, and I had a generally peaceful childhood knowing I would be taken care of by my parents.

Do you worry about money now?
Not really, no. I know we are fortunate in our income relative to our MCOL area, and we have pretty healthy savings. C. tends to be more laissez-faire about spending, whereas I try harder to be frugal with my purchases, but also tend to shop more in general. So our approaches somewhat balance out. When I stop to think about it, I do get anxious that we spend too much on non-necessities and should be saving more, more, MORE! I think this is a little true but it’s also partly a leftover mindset from my childhood that is not completely healthy. So I just try to maintain reasonable spending and continue to save. We did have some very high bills for several years, including spending >$30,000 per year on health insurance costs for four years before I was able to switch jobs and health insurance, and spending about $75,000 on IVF for our second child (worth it). We are now able to save more than we did for those years, and that feels good.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
My parents were very supportive of me for years after I graduated from college. I was on their health insurance until I started graduate school at age 26. They also paid my car insurance during that time, and let me stay with them for free for periods of time between seasonal technician jobs. By the time I was in graduate school at age 26, I was paying all my own bills (although see note below about my housing at that time). As for a financial safety net, it’s C. and our savings/assets, but my parents would definitely help us if we ever truly needed it. My sister’s husband also makes a high income and they would probably help us out if we really needed it.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Absolutely, yes. The tuition mentioned above. My folks bought me a used car for $11,000 as a college graduation gift. They also matched my contributions to my Roth IRA for seven-ish years when I was in my 20s, as a way to incentivize me putting money in it even when I was earning like $8-$11 an hour as a field grunt or graduate student. So seven years x ~$2,500 = ~$17,500. (This was incredible and something I plan to do with my kids, good luck willing!) When I started graduate school, my parents volunteered to pay a down payment for a small home they bought for ~$90k, and I paid the mortgage. When I graduated four years later, we sold the house and split the profit proportionally to the money we had put in — my profit was something like $6,500. More recently, they gave us $5,000 to help a little bit with our IVF costs. My last grandparent died recently and my parents put $15,000 from my mom’s inheritance in my kids’ 529s. I probably would not have the career that I have if it were not for this support. I will probably inherit some money when they pass, unless their eventual long-term care costs are much more than anticipated, but I don’t know how much and I want them to live forever anyway.

5:05 a.m. — Alarm. Today is my day in my “headquarters office,” which is a 45-minute commute, and instead of my usual working lunch I also want to go to Target over lunch and investigate some non-skinny jeans. (Ugh, change is hard for an elder millennial!) To end in time to pick up my kids and still get in my eight hours, I’m aiming to leave the house at 5:30 a.m. I’m a natural resource specialist for my state government, and we have to account for all of our work time in a time sheet. I feed the cats (who start meowing at any sign of life), grab some coffee plus leftovers for lunch, pack my breastmilk pump and bottles and cooler and laptop, and head out. My younger kiddo is 15 months old but still nurses at night, so I pump for her once or twice a day so my supply doesn’t die out. My husband, C., usually gets the kids ready in the mornings and off to school: kindergarten for our son, R., and a small local daycare for the baby. I listen to my audiobook, Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine, on the drive. I love Libby.

6:30 a.m. — I roll into work and throw on some makeup in the bathroom mirror. Trying to look alive and well slept, ha. I chat briefly with my supervisor, who is already here. I get to work responding to emails, reviewing and revising some recommendations we are making for various industrial projects in the state, and hop on a call with a coal mine. They have some antelope trapped inside their tall fence at the facility and are wondering how to handle it. My job is never boring. Then I pump breastmilk and eat a yogurt and banana, while working, before a 10 a.m. meeting.

12:30 p.m. — Lunch is chicken, black beans, peppers with some sour cream stirred in, and a couple of fun-size Halloween candies from a bowl outside someone’s office. C. apparently gets Jimmy John’s delivered to his office, which is a pet peeve of mine. It’s so unnecessarily expensive. But he’s an amazing partner overall so I try to let things like this go. I also try to micromanage his meals a bit by packing him leftovers when I can, so we aren’t spending $20 a day on stupid sandwiches! $19.80

2 p.m. — Meetings, meetings, and writing. I can’t stop yawning. That 5 a.m. alarm is hitting me hard. I pump for 30 minutes and review a research proposal looking at mule deer habitat use at a wind facility. I’m glad to have a private office where I can shut the door when pumping. C. hits the grocery store and gets granola, craisins, bananas, and a few other randoms. $27.09

3 p.m. — At Target I only find a couple of pairs of reasonable jeans to try on, and they look ridiculous. I walk through the kids’ section and grab a couple pairs of pants for both kids. We are doing some family photos in a couple weeks and I’m trying to hit the sweet spot of having everyone’s outfits be complementary but not matching. It’s surprisingly hard. I have considered just grabbing outfits from our closets at random, but then we’d end up with monster truck shirts etc. C. is an amazing dad and very hands-on but this kind of thing tends to be the mental labor left to me. I also grab a box of 50 breastmilk storage bags as I’m about to run out of them, and some flannel sheets for our new king bed ($84.70). Leaving, I see a Wendy’s across the parking lot and make an impulsive decision to stop. I get a small fry and a small chocolate Frosty ($5.45). I hit the road and drive the 45 minutes back to my town. $90.15

4:30 p.m. — I pick the baby up at daycare. When she spots me, she gets a huge grin and speed-crawls across the room to me. It’s easily my favorite part of the day so far. That said, I do love my job and I know I’m a better mom because I spent some time during my day doing other things as well. We get home, where R. is with a babysitter who picks him up at school and takes him to a speech therapy appointment twice a week (in addition to some services through his IEP (individualized education program). I get the kids snacks and prep dinner (pulled BBQ chicken sandwiches and vinegar coleslaw, plus steamed veggies). I did my mom special and tripled the recipe so we can eat leftovers for a couple days this week. Then we head out to play in the yard in the unseasonably warm temperature.

6 p.m. — C. gets home at his usual time and the kids run/speed-crawl across the yard to greet him. They all play a bit while I plate our food. Dinner is fun and chaotic as usual. C. and I clean the kitchen together while the kids play around us. The baby is definitely turning into a toddler with tiny toddler rages, and especially when tired, she becomes inexplicably mad about various things every 90 seconds or so. But in between she forgives our transgressions and is adorable.

7:30 p.m. — Bedtime. I get the baby changed for bed and nurse her, while C. starts the long process of wrangling R. towards bed. I’m going to a conference next month and am planning to wean my baby from nursing while I’m gone but oof, it’s sad. Last baby, last few weeks of nursing. Cue the bittersweet mom feels… I’m so glad she’s growing up well and adorably, but I’m also so nostalgic about saying goodbye to the cuddly baby phase. Having kids is one big ball of emotions y’all! The last episode of Love is Blind season 7 is available so I put in ear buds and watch on my phone as she nurses. Will I fall asleep in this comfy chair with a baby on my lap, or will I make it through awake to have a nice hour of chill time with C. before bedtime? Only time will tell.

8:45 p.m. — I make it out awake and go downstairs to finish loading the dishwasher and feed the cats. C. comes out of R.’s room a few minutes later. He says that literally right as R. was falling asleep, he said he lost a tooth at school. “I just put my tongue there and it was gone! I don’t know where it is!” Luckily he thought to mention this, and we have some cash for the Tooth Fairy that C. slips under the pillow ($3). We head to our basement den and watch an episode of Only Murders in the Building. We see a huge spider walk across the carpet. There are so many down here! I get on Amazon and order some peppermint essential oil, which apparently spiders hate ($6.35). I fall asleep partway through, as per usual. C. watches a second episode and then wakes me up for bed at about 10:30 p.m. $9.35

4:15 a.m. — The baby cries on the monitor and after she doesn’t stop after a minute, I head upstairs. I nurse her for 30 minutes and then she lets me put her back in the crib while still awake. I crawl back into bed. She used to sleep through the night fairly reliably but is now waking once most nights. We have considered sleep training but it doesn’t feel urgent yet. I think she’s teething.

6:15 a.m. — Alarm. I am taking a day of medical leave and taking R. to a children’s hospital two and a half hours away for a couple of routine appointments with specialists. We try to split up the medical appointments, and C. took both kids to different things earlier this month. I’m looking forward to a day with him. I wash my face and put on Youth to the People oil and Supergoop! sunscreen. I pull together coffee, snacks, water bottle, all my pumping crap including the car adapter, and his tablet and some toys. C. goes upstairs to wake up R. while I finish getting ready. R. comes down super excited because the Tooth Fairy came! He makes a case for going to Walmart right now to buy a couple Hot Wheels, but he’s pretty amenable when I say we don’t have time. I answer a couple of emails on my laptop really quick, and put on an out-of-office response.

7:30 a.m. — We hit the road. I realize I brought everything except any food for me. I stop at a Maverick’s on the way out of town. Kiddo asks me to buy “a treat.” I wanted fruit but can’t find any so I buy smoked almonds plus some fruit snacks to share with him. $4.68

9 a.m. — We have a few extra minutes before our first appointment so we stop at the Target across the street and run to the toy section. He picks out a purple Hot Wheels truck and eyes a monster truck. He wants to know if he has enough money. No, but I tell him I will cover the extra couple bucks as a special treat. We give him a $5 allowance per week ($3/$1/$1 for spending/saving/donating) and he is supposed to buy all his toys from his spending money. It works pretty well but it means we have to be hard asses about not giving in, which is hard. I can see how so many kids end up spoiled. Really trying not to do that. He talks the ear off the cashier and very proudly hands over his $3. $2.53 (my portion).

9:20 a.m. — Medical spa time! I am getting some Dysport after two years of none. I do my 11s and a little bit on my crow’s feet. I am not trying to reverse the hands of time or anything, and my horizontal forehead lines are here to stay — I just don’t want to look scowly. I have an MS in biology and have read the literature and feel comfortable with it, even though I’m still nursing a little. Afterwards the front desk finds me a $50 coupon. I feel a little frivolous spending this kind of money on some small wrinkles, but it really does make me feel and look happier. My sweet husband encourages me to do it if I want to. We hit the road again and I pump as we drive. We hit traffic and get to the hospital just in time. $353.75

12:30 p.m. — Our first appointment is over and we hit the hospital cafeteria, my son’s favorite spot. He picks out a piece of cheese pizza and some “unicorn” frosted popcorn. (We eat whatever he wants when we go to the hospital.) I get some fresh spring rolls and a Gatorade Zero. $15.17

1 p.m. — C. gets gas. $65.51

2:30 p.m. — Second appointment is done. Both went really well. After a couple of rough, scary years in the beginning, little man is thriving and we are so grateful. We walk by the hospital toy store on our way out, and I agree to go in but tell him we aren’t buying anything. He agrees. And then inside, he starts lobbying hard. Despite the policy I outlined before, I give in and buy him a soft baseball. Encouraging physical activity is good, right? We hit the road back home. $5.30

4:15 p.m. — R. reminds me that I told him earlier that we could get some ice cream on the way home. As you can see, pretty much anything goes on these hospital visit days. We stop at McD’s and get a mini Oreo McFlurry ($3.48). He eats a few bites and gives me the rest. I also fill up on gas ($36.29). $39.77

6:15 p.m. — Finally home. Whew, what a day. We gather our stuff and walk in, and C. is pulling together leftovers. The baby is in her high chair eating already, and spots me and starts freaking out for me to pick her up. This age (15 months) can be so bad for separation anxiety. So I sit and snuggle her while C. runs around frantically, finalizing all the food. Welcome to my life, yo! Dinner is another round of pulled chicken sandwiches and veggies. R. needs melted cheese on all of his food. The kids eat pretty well, but the din and both little people hanging on me is so overstimulating. It’s been a long day with way more traffic and city than I’m used to. I volunteer to clean up while C. and kids play in the living room, for a little peace and quiet.

7:30 p.m. — Bedtime. I fall asleep in the baby’s room while nursing her and reading the book Wellness on my Kindle. I am really enjoying it.

9:15 p.m. — I wake up in the armchair, get the baby in her crib, stumble downstairs, and crawl into bed. I read for a couple minutes and fall back asleep. C. is watching football in the den.

5:45 a.m. — I wake up to the sound of the baby crying on the monitor. C. comes into the room and says he’s been up with her for 45 minutes but she won’t settle. He shares the load, and sometimes it does work. I go upstairs and as usual, the magic boobs fix things. She nurses for a while. My alarm for 6:15 a.m. goes off. I put her back in the crib asleep and go back downstairs to feed the cats, who are yowling at me. Time to start the day.

6:30 a.m. — Shower time. I try to soak up what is probably the most relaxing 15 minutes of my day. C. gets kids up and going for the day while I mainly stay out of sight and get ready myself. R. thinks this is hilarious and helps me hide from the baby. (After six years of experience and experimenting, we have found that if the kids are with me or around me much in the morning, drop-off is a lot harder for them.) I do my whole morning skin routine, which is Paula’s Choice hydrating toner, Timeless vitamin C, Youth to the People oil, Supergoop! sunscreen, plus full body Aveeno lotion and then makeup. I also prep a couple lunch meat wraps for C. and me, and leftover veggies, to bring for lunch. I grab my laptop, pump, bottles and pump parts, cooler, food, and workout clothes, and head out.

9 a.m. — After catching up on work emails, I log on to a department-wide staff meeting with updates from our leadership, and listen in while reading today’s Money Diary. I send a couple emails related to my son’s IEP. I meet with a couple colleagues on some work issues, then pump for 30 minutes while working on some guidance documents we are issuing for some industrial projects in the state. I finish my coffee and eat an apple, two hard-boiled eggs with truffle salt, and some cocoa-roasted almonds. I log on to a webinar about a central database for wildlife research at US solar facilities. There is so much we still don’t know about how some of these newer energy types affect wildlife. Renewable energy is super important of course, but we need to do it in a way that doesn’t negatively impact wildlife and habitat in new ways.

1 p.m. — I get out for a brief, somewhat painful jog. I used to run a lot but between two pregnancies, lots of hormone treatments and fertility procedures, a stubborn 40 pounds, and about 99% less free time, it’s so hard to get back in shape.

2:30 p.m. — Late lunch of my wrap and cold veggies. I get a text from my mom that the family members she is currently visiting came down with COVID-19, so she thinks she will too and will probably have to bail on her plans to come watch the baby at the end of next week when daycare is closed for a couple days. Shoot. I pivot and look up availability at our favorite little rustic hot springs hotel resort spot a couple hours away. It’s a splurge, but we usually go once a year or so. They have rooms available so I call C. to discuss. He agrees we should just go for it, so I text my mom back with good healthy wishes and tell her not to worry about it. I have limited PTO but I can swing this and still save a few days for the holidays. I get online and book a room for two nights. $515.28

3 p.m. — I am fielding emails and working on projects when suddenly I realize that I have something overdue for its suggested deadline by several weeks. Whoops! I pivot and quickly put it together. I google synonyms for “reminder,” trying to find the perfect word that does not come across as passive-aggressive or naggy (even though I am definitely nagging here). I settle on “We reiterate that…” Tomorrow we are planning to grill and have some friends over, so C. gets a bunch of supplies including a big brisket to smoke and lots of rolls for sandwiches, plus some groceries including milk, fruit, nuts, tortillas, cheese, yogurt, sugar, and mustard. $153.77

3:30 p.m. — C. gets more Halloween outdoor decor (he loves decorating the yard for holidays) and some insulation for our garage, and rounds up for charity. $102

3:45 p.m. — We do a weekly Friday night pizza and movie night with the kids (which was easier when we could turn the baby’s chair away from the TV but she’s onto it now). I get online and order a couple of Papa Murphy’s Take ’N’ Bake pizzas for pickup. Between specials and a coupon, I get a family thin crust and large thin crust plus tip for under 20 bucks! $19.74

4:15 p.m. — FriYAY! Work is over. I stop at the liquor store and get a four-pack of ciders and some non-alcoholic Athletic beer. I’m trying to drink significantly less, and the NA beer helps during social events. I pick up R. at his after-school program, and then over to daycare to get the baby before they close at 4:45 p.m. We pick up the pizzas and head home. $22.63

6 p.m. — Pizza and The Incredibles. As usual we watch about a third of it before R. gets antsy and wants to play and wrestle on the den carpet. We have a four-person wrestling match. Everyone is laughing, and this is literally a dream come true after years of secondary infertility plus earlier stress with R.’s health. These little moments of pure joy honestly make all the hassle of parenting worth it.

7:30 p.m. — Bedtime. I nurse the baby and fall asleep. Come downstairs at 9:30 p.m. and get in bed to catch up on Only Murders in the Building. C. gives me a kiss and goes to watch football in the den while occasionally tending to his smoking brisket. I fall back asleep about 10 minutes into the show.

5 a.m. — The baby cries on the monitor. I go upstairs and nurse her and get her back down about 45 minutes later.

7:30 a.m. — R. wakes up (this is sleeping in for him!) and C. gets up with him while I keep sleeping. I get up about 8:30 a.m. and get the kids what I think is their second breakfast.

10 a.m. — We get into our Halloween costumes to go to the historic downtown area for the downtown business trick-or-treat. It’s fun and the kids look adorable, but after an hour and a half we’re all feeling overstimulated by the crowds.

12 p.m. — C. and I get together some instant mac ‘n’ cheese for the kids, plus hard-boiled egg and fruit. Then I pull out the tablet for R. to watch an educational wildlife show (Wild Kratts, it’s great!) while I take the baby upstairs to nurse and get down for her nap. C. tends to his brisket and starts to rake the yard. Our house is kind of a mess and we are both feeling meh about hosting a few friends later, but oh well, too late now. We FaceTime with my mom, who is pretty sick with COVID-19 but did get Paxlovid.

1:30 p.m. — C’s football game has started, so I offer to go get the last couple things we need. Seltzer, beer, hot dogs, and buns for the kids, and supplies for pumpkin-shaped Rice Krispies treats that I’m making next week for a Halloween daycare party. I am not that mom who is crafty and bake-y, but I try once in a while. $54.29

3 p.m. — The brisket is out and delicious, and about a dozen friends and their kids from around our neighborhood walk over. We have a blast eating, drinking, and socializing in the yard with some football playing on a big TV. I drink a couple ciders and then switch to the NA beer. Kids run around playing in the leaves and scaring themselves with our Halloween decorations. The baby discovers she loves brisket. Good job, C., this is great. So grateful for our village, and for the unseasonably warm weather.

7:30 p.m. — Bedtime for all the littles. Friends all peel away. The baby clutches her last piece of brisket and won’t give it up, until she offers it to me and I eat it. We nurse and I get her in bed. When I come downstairs, R. and C. are still awake and just finishing watching the game. R. asks me to put him to bed, which I happily agree to. The alternative is starting to clean the kitchen and house, which looks like a bomb filled with toys went off in here.

9:30 p.m. — I come down and the house looks much cleaner, yay. C. and I are both still awake enough that we retire to the bedroom for some grown-up time. We fall asleep at about 11 p.m.

5 a.m. — Baby wakes up. I go up there for about 30 minutes. I crawl back in, and then she wakes up crying again 20 minutes later. Fuck no. I ask C. to see if he can settle her.

8 a.m. — I wake up and — miracle of miracles — it’s all quiet. I sneak out of the bedroom, with a dream of coffee and reading my book in peace for a few. Cats yowl for food and on the monitor I see the baby sitting in her crib wide awake… So much for that. Cats fed and baby nursed.

9:30 a.m. — R. is STILL asleep, which is unheard of. The baby hardly knows what to do with the pure ecstasy of two parents’ undivided attention. Eventually I start making eggs and pancakes for us all, and R. wakes up right in time for breakfast.

11:30 a.m. — I get the baby down for her nap while C. cleans up the table and kitchen. Then I hang with R. and we count out his allowance (in monthly costs) into his different jars and watch a show, while C. cleans up the party detritus in the yard.

1:45 p.m. — We get in our costumes again and walk to the informal neighborhood Halloween trick-or-treat parade at the park one block away. The park is such an amazing perk of this neighborhood — in addition to our awesome neighbors! The parade is so cute and we are now stocked up to the gills with candy. We stay and play at the playground and socialize with friends for an hour until we are firmly overstimulated. This weekend is definitely busier than usual! A few friends and I plan our group costume and plan to go out briefly after kid bedtime on Thursday to a costume contest event.

4 p.m. — A little downtime at home, then I heat up leftover brisket and make corn on the cob for dinner. I do bathtime for both kids while C. cleans up after dinner. I put them in matching skeleton jammies and take a cute photo before we all head upstairs to do bedtimes.

9:15 p.m. — C. and I halfheartedly clean some more for 10 minutes. The house is still kind of a mess, but we are both beat after a long, busy weekend. I manage to do most of my nighttime skincare routine for once — Paula’s Choice toner, Paula’s Choice BHA, Íunik moisture serum, Laneige lip mask, Shiseido eye cream, and Weleda Skin Food lotion to finish. We crawl into bed and C. watches football while I read more Wellness. I am really enjoying this book. We fall asleep around 10 p.m. Today was a no-spend day, hooray! About time, after some of the unhinged spending this week.

11:30 p.m. — Baby wakes up crying and has a hard time getting back down. I’m up for the next two hours with her. Ugh. I give her some baby Advil in case it’s teething.

2 a.m. — Baby wakes crying AGAIN and this time C. goes up.

5:30 a.m. — A cat perches next to my head and meows in my face. I shove her away but she keeps meowing. I get up and put both cats in the hall. Love having them on the bed at night; detest their early morning habits.

6 a.m. — Alarm. I shower, feed cats, and pull together coffee, breakfast, pumping stuff. Timeless vitamin C and Supergoop! sunscreen on the face. C. gets up and reminds me we have a follow-up with one of R.’s doctors at 8:30 a.m. I guess I’ll just go into work for an hour or so to start. It’s about a 12-minute drive, so not too bad. When I arrive, I do my makeup, pump, drink a yogurt drink, read and respond to emails, and look at my work responsibilities for the upcoming week. I have a big review that was sprung on me last minute by another agency and is due at the end of the week. They haven’t even provided all the materials and there are already hundreds of pages to review. Cool. It’s not like I had a bunch of stuff already queued up to do!

8:30 a.m. — We meet with the doc. Afterwards I swing by our house to pick up leftover brisket and veggies for lunch.

10 a.m. — Back at work. I eat two hard-boiled eggs with truffle salt and field more emails, then get focused on some heads-down work for a couple hours. I also work on this Money Diary. Digging up all our financials is intense. I feel fortunate, and also a little anxious about our spending and lifestyle creep. This week is definitely more spendy than usual! We rarely host expensive parties, get injectables, or splurge on last-minute trips. I probably would not have picked this week to record, had I known about all of that, lol.

1:30 p.m. — Late lunch and pumping, plus a big cup of cold brew coffee. The nighttime wakings are hitting me. I also eat a couple pieces of Halloween candy.

2 p.m. — Last-minute work pivot again. I talk to a couple colleagues who encourage me to present at an upcoming conference. I talk with my supervisor and he agrees that I can submit a proposal. The deadline is today, lmao. I put together a proposal and figure I make an actual presentation later, if selected. I am usually so busy just grinding through each individual project, so I appreciate the nudge to think big-picture and try to organize some important collaboration at a larger scale.

4:30 p.m. — Leave work to pick up the baby. She points to some crows flying overhead and says “buh!” (bird). Yes girlie! When we get home, R. is home with the babysitter after his speech therapy. She takes off and we play in the yard. A neighbor kiddo comes by to drop by some cookies after I told his mom yesterday how good they are. So sweet! We invite him to stay and play a bit, and I text his mom. The boys play an approximation of football for a few minutes, and we all eat cookies.

6 p.m. — C. gets home. I send the neighbor kiddo home and heat up pulled BBQ chicken leftovers. We are still wiped out after a long weekend, so we eat in the den and watch some Monday Night Football while R. watches his tablet and the baby tries to steal it. They play after dinner for a few minutes, and then baby cries angrily when I take her away from fun brother time for bedtime. Sorry baby girl! We nurse and I finish Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine on audiobook. I liked it, but some of the material was tough for me as a mom of young kids. I fall asleep.

9:30 p.m. — I come downstairs. C. has fed the cats and finished cleaning up, and he’s finishing the football game in bed. We watch and then turn off lights around 10:15 p.m. The baby starts crying as soon as the lights go off… But then she soothes herself and quiets. Whew!

6 a.m. — Alarm goes off. I scoot across the giant bed, snuggle up to C., go back to sleep, and hit snooze a few times. Finally get up and pack a lunch for R., make lunch wraps for C. and me, and make myself a green smoothie. (My recipe is spinach, green apple, lime juice, frozen berries, vanilla protein powder, Vital Proteins plain powder, and water. It’s so good!) I do Timeless vitamin C and Supergoop! sunscreen, and scoot out the door just as I hear C. and the baby coming downstairs. I am sad to not be seeing her in the morning, but it is what it is. I do my makeup in the office bathroom, then pump, drink my smoothie, and catch up on email.

9 a.m. — I take a break from work to call my son’s IEP coordinator. Apparently they didn’t realize he needed services for one aspect of his IEP, argh, so they will be adding that into his schedule. All the advocating and communication you need to do for your kids, especially ones who need some extra support, can feel never-ending.

10:30 a.m. — I work on some recommendations for minimizing impacts to hawks and eagles at a wind facility nearby, and for minimizing impacts to mule deer and bighorn sheep for a proposed mine in the nearby mountains. Then I eat a banana while logging onto a webinar about hoary bats and wind energy and take notes. We are working on developing state recommendations for this species. Back to other projects after.

1 p.m. — Time to go vote early! Ugh, so anxious about this election. I take a selfie with my “I Voted” sticker. If you don’t post this photo to your IG stories, did you even vote? I hit the grocery store afterwards. I get apples, bananas, raspberries, tortillas, shredded cheese, tortilla chips, lunch meat, dishwasher pods, paper towels, and a bottle of wine for my friend whose tween will feed our cats this weekend while we’re gone. (We’ll also pay the tween. Our regular pet-sitter is out of town.) $72.68

2 p.m. — Loading groceries, I somehow manage to lock my keys in my car. UGH. I still have my phone and call my husband. He’s about to start a meeting but can come rescue me with my spare keys in about 20 minutes. I consider speed-walking home (about 20 blocks) but it’s freezing…like around 30 degrees…and I have no coat. I walk over to a nearby outlet store instead. I poke around and get the perfect plaid shirt for my Taylor Swift Halloween group costume, a youth-size football for R., and a cute Christmas tree doormat to replace the one my husband doesn’t like. $32.49

2:30 p.m. — Back at work. Pump again and eat some cucumber and hummus, and a couple pieces of Halloween candy, while I work. At one point we meet virtually with R.’s outpatient speech therapist to go over his progress.

4:15 p.m. — I take off to pick up R. and then the baby. We head home and I get them a snack. Baby is super fussy and only wants to be held. I get out my baby carrier so I can hold her while making dinner. She thinks it’s hilarious to try to jam both hands in my mouth, which is super annoying, but her little giggles are too cute and my heart melts. I make nachos with chicken, steam some cauliflower, and slice an avocado to go on the nachos.

6 p.m. — C. is home! We eat our nachos and veggies and play a little. Then bedtime. I fall asleep holding the baby in the chair.

10:15 p.m. — I wake up when the baby wriggles around in my lap. I put her in the crib and come downstairs groggily. C. has fed the cats and cleaned up the kitchen somewhat. I do a quick face wash, Paula’s Choice BHA liquid, and Weleda Skin Food lotion, and we crawl into bed.