Photo: Courtesy of CeCe Olisa. Sure, dating is a mixed bag no matter your body size, but I always say that dating as a plus-size girl can be…different. Oftentimes, it’s downright frustrating, especially when I compare my dating life to that of my thinner friends (read more about that here). Going out to bars and clubs can make a big girl feel invisible. So, for me, online dating was a good way to meet guys without pressure.
One night, my roommate made a Moscato-fueled decision to join the newest trendy site just to see what would happened. I like having multiple dating accounts, so when she asked me to sign up with her, I happily agreed. We set up our profiles, added a few quirky one-liners for good measure, uploaded photos, and went to bed. The next morning my tall, thin, redheaded roommate had 10 messages — I had two. And, one of them was a welcome message from the owner of the site, so I guess that doesn’t really count.
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Of course, our profiles weren't identical, but within a week, my tall, thin, redheaded roommate was coming home late from dates with guys she met online, leaving me to finish our bottle of Moscato alone. Seeing how the dating floodgates opened for my tall, thin, redheaded roommate made me very aware of my slow trickle of interested men. I didn’t know it was possible to get so many messages in a day until she showed me her inbox. Sure, they weren't all winners, but the attention was flooding her way.
Suddenly, I felt invisible again. But, I remained patient and over time, interested men found their way into my inbox, finally! The first message was from someone we'll call Servant999, who sent me a long paragraph about how he wanted to be my love slave, whatever that means. Then, he told me I was welcome to humiliate him and dominate him as much as I wanted. Delete.
Then there was a message was from TallerThanYourAverage1. We messaged back and forth for a few days, until he asked me if he could feed me and if I would be willing to gain weight for him. Willing to, wait, what? Delete — and block.
Finally I got a message from a tall, handsome personal trainer with a great sense of humor. After messaging for a few days, he asked if I wanted to grab a drink with him. We had a decent first date, the chemistry wasn’t electric, but it was there. We continued texting after our first date, and then he informed me that he was running a sale on his personal training sessions and would I like to buy five sessions so that he can help me hit my weight loss goals? But, sir, I never told you I had any weight loss goals! Delete. (But, I may have saved your shirtless picture.)
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In my post about whether dating as a Plus-Size Princess is a blessing or a curse, I weigh the pros and cons of being a big girl on the dating scene. It can feel like everyone has an amazing dating life but you, and it can feel like you only attract people who have issues or fetishes. But, someone reminded me that those things happen to girls of any size.
Deep down, we all know that quality wins over quantity every time, but when you’re the one waiting on quality while your skinny friends have a million first dates, it’s not an easy road.
I was about to delete my account on the trendy online dating site when I got a message from a guy named Adrian. The night I came back from my second date and first kiss with Adrian, I came home to find my roommate fuming on the couch with a story of some creepy guy she’d met online. I guess the weirdos really did approach everyone.
Even though my tall, thin, redheaded roommate went on twice as many dates as I did, none of them turned into anything substantial. On the other hand, Adrian and I dated successfully for a while. Maybe there is something to this quality versus quantity thing after all.