A Week In San Diego On A $239,000 Joint Salary

Occupation: Registered nurse
Industry: Healthcare
Age: 43
Location: San Diego
Salary: $171,000. Husband’s salary: $68,000 plus $2,000-$3,000 a year in bonus. We have joint finances and share the account where all bills go out from. We also get about $300 a month support from my ex. I have full custody of our daughter and he lives outside the country.
Assets: 401(k): $33,000; 403(b): $1,825; husband’s 401(k): $18,000; HYSA $25,000; checking: $10,739; paid-off car: $10,000; equity in home: $214,000.
Debt: $30,000 from various loans and credit cards; $20,000 left in car note
Paycheck Amount (biweekly): $5,077. Husband’s paycheck amount: $2,217.
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses
Monthly Housing Costs: $4,382
Monthly Loan Payments:
Credit Cards/Loans: Minimum $500 with anything extra I make going to it.
Student Loan: $190 (mine); $14 (husband’s)
All Other Monthly Expenses:
Utilities: $958 (including HOA, and approximates for gas and electric, trash, water, internet)
Car: $464.45
Car Insurance: $170 (for both cars)
Phones: $278 for three phones
Gym: $10
Various Subscriptions: $200 (including Netflix, Disney, Spotify & HBO Max, Patreon, Apple theft care, online storage)
Charity: $60
529 Plan: $125
Toll: $80
Car Wash: $38 for unlimited car washes.
Annual Expenses:
AcuraLink: $89
Dashpass: $99
AnyList: $14.99
Amazon Prime: $129

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes, education is highly emphasized in my family. My paternal grandfather was a principal of a high school. My maternal grandmother, a very driven woman, rose up to superintendent of her hometown school district. I came from a household and culture that viewed education as the answer to wealth and success.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
I was highly aware when things were bad with finances in my family. They would have fights. Both my parents are health professionals but there were times — especially when my mother, brother, and I first immigrated and my mother had to transition her education over and wasn’t yet certified to work — when funds were low, and we felt that. Aside from being shown how to not be wasteful, no one ever talked to us about how to save, invest, or budget.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
I babysat for some neighborhood kids starting at 13 years old. I think I charged $5 an hour. I wanted some spending money as my parents didn’t believe in giving allowances.

Did you worry about money growing up?
I was very aware that we didn’t have much money beyond necessities, and some wants. Before we immigrated, my brother and I went to private schools. My parents worked overseas to be able to afford tuition. It was a little sad looking back on it. We were raised for a few years by loving aunts, but it’s different. Anyway our classmates came from wealthy families, and the contrast between their lives and ours was something I definitely noticed. When we finally immigrated out of my birth country along with my mom, and got to live with my dad, that period of transition was filled with noticing what our classmates had versus what we didn’t have in terms of material things.

Do you worry about money now?
I do. My mortgage and property tax is outrageous! We budget now, and I know ultimately we’re gonna be okay. But I have a child I need to put through college in the next two years, and everything just seems to get more and more expensive. Especially in our city. A lot of my net worth took a hit during my divorce, as did my husband’s during his father’s long-term illness, when he helped his parents with medical expenses.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I moved out completely at 22 and paid for everything myself then. After my older daughter was born, I moved back in with my parents for two years while I finished nursing school. But after I got a job, I moved out again. My parents are doing very well now, and they would help us with literally anything if we asked or needed it. My husband’s parents have passed away.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
No. My parents paid for my first year of university. After that, everything was paid for by grants, loans, and part-time jobs. My parents paid for my car my first two years in college, but I took over after. Aside from that my parents currently provide free, as needed, near-daily child care. That saving alone is worth tens of thousands. The quality and loving child care they provide is invaluable.

8 a.m. — I’ve already said goodbye sleepily to my husband, C., who left 15 minutes ago. He took our high schooler M. to school. I wake our four-year-old, E., get her ready for preschool, and feed her a breakfast of yogurt. She’s not a big breakfast eater. I’m fasting and not hungry. Breakfast foods are my least favorite and I don’t really miss them.

9:05 a.m. — It’s raining torrentially today. Between trying to find E.’s raincoat and failing, securing an umbrella, and just overall disgust at having to go out in this weather, we’re five minutes late for her preschool. I get back home and clean up a bit. I work night shifts so my body is always in a weird circadian rhythm. I was up till 3 a.m. today. I make a decision to sit on the reclining couch, and take a supposedly 30-minute nap. When the timer goes off, I am unable to get off the couch. I set the timer again. And again and again.

12:30 p.m. — I get a text from C. that he’s coming home early and he can pick up E. I startle awake and mobile order a coffee from Starbucks. I still have time for my nails! However, I do not actually get up. I finally manage to get off the couch and pick up my not-so-iced coffee exactly one hour later. I pass by my nails place longingly. At home, I greet C. and E., and shrug when C. asks me what I’ve been up to all day. Even I am surprised at how sleepy I still am, but I take a nap again with E. shortly after he gets home. $5.65

7 p.m. — Snacking on some cheese sticks for that protein intake, I finally have time to chart. I also take a dose of Motrin. My back is acting up. I injured it at work last August, and I just went back to full duty in early December. After the Motrin kicks in, I get my walk in around the unit and manage a 20-minute walk.

12:30 a.m. — In reality I’m still in the middle of my first day but technically it’s a new day. I sit down and eat my lunch.

7:30 a.m. — After a long shift, with a chair massage treat in the middle of it, I’m out the door. I pull into our garage 30 minutes later, as C. and our M. are pulling out the garage. We wave through our open car windows. He’s taking her to school before work again. I’m out after my “bedtime” routine by 10 a.m.

2:15 p.m. — My bladder wakes me and I know I won’t be able to sleep again. I pull up Audible on my phone to play The Woman In Me by Britney Spears. I’m hosting a book club on this book this coming Sunday, but am in a reading slump so I’m trying audiobooks. Soon after I wake up, my parents drop off E. at home (my mom had picked her up earlier), and her big sis M. I ask M. how school was. It’s a “good”, before she retreats to her room. Teenagers are very chatty.

6:35 p.m. — I’ve taken E. to meet up with my husband at Azuki Sushi. Family sushi night (minus M., who very rarely thinks we’re cool enough to hang with). We order a mushroom soup for me, and kakuni pork belly and shrimp fried rice to share, plus a diet soda for him. This place has our favorite roll ever — super dragon roll. We each order our own. He also orders a second roll for us, a Kobe roll. This was the end of an 18-hour fast and it’s so satisfying. E. only tolerates the shrimp fried rice. I really hope my kids grow out of their pickiness. To be fair though, M. loves sushi. We also order two desserts. $185

8 p.m. — I stop for gas at good old Costco Gasoline on my way home. $64.40

9:30 p.m. — C. bathes E. and flosses and brushes her teeth and I take over putting her in jammies and reading her a book. Then it’s lights out for E. (M.’s lights out is 11:30 p.m.; yes we’re all night owls).

10:30 p.m. — Adult time! We watch two episodes of The Brothers Sun. We snack a bit on Asian chips; show each other stupid memes we thought the other would enjoy. Move on to a few Bones episodes, which we’re marathoning. And probably our toxic trait: At some point we doze off on the couch when we should really head to bed.

2 a.m. — (Yikes!) We get off the couch, clean up, do our night time routine and head to bed. Once in bed, I cannot sleep and scroll my phone for a bit and finally close my eyes about an hour later.

7:45 a.m. — It’s my turn to wake up to bring M. to school and then around 9 a.m. we both drop E. off to school. Then we head home, shower, and change into more than pajama-adjacent clothes. We’re driving together to my doctor’s appointment, which is close to Seaport Village. The plan is to try a new restaurant, and get a walk in.

10:35 a.m. — I check in at my doctor’s appointment for 10:45 a.m. It’s for my carpal tunnel. They take X-rays and it takes a while before I’m seen, as it always does. I get very effective shots of steroids in both wrists. $30 copay. $30

12:15 p.m. — Poor C. has been waiting for me in the parking lot the entire time. We walk and get balcony outdoor seating at Malibu Farms. Yes, balcony seating in January. There are heaters, but still. That’s why we live in one of the most expensive cities in the USA, I guess? The balcony has a pretty view of the waters. And we are definitely paying for the view. Our bill after tip was $84 for a salmon scramble, beef nachos, and two drinks. We are arguably some of the biggest suckers for food, and we don’t mind paying when it’s good. But this was, as my teen would put it, mid at best. Parking near here cost us $5. $89

1:30 p.m. — We walk down Harbor Drive in fine walking weather. C. buys ice cream mid-walk for $9(!). I get a call and it’s my occupational therapist’s PA. I try not to huff into the phone as we discuss how my back is feeling while still walking. I’ve done the PT, the acupuncture, gotten the MRI so I’m referred to a specialist. This is $0 because workman’s comp covers it. $9

5:30 p.m. — Back home, M. reminds me that she needs a Great Gatsby book for school. E. wakes up from her nap and insists on coming with me and her sister. We go to Barnes & Noble and get the book. $19.58

6:30 p.m. — We’re home and M. rushes to make Momofuku noodles, her current obsession, before leaving for her youth group meeting. I cook rice in our rice cooker, and C. starts dinner: chicken adobo, air-fried mushrooms and carrots. All ingredients previously purchased. Dinner is ready by 7 p.m. and it is delicious. Afterwards we go back and forth about whether we should go out to do groceries tonight. Ultimately there’s some things he wanted to get but neither of us really felt like driving. He doordashes some groceries from Von’s. One of the things he decided to DoorDash are some wings. He salts and lemon peppers it and it goes in the air-fryer. It’s too salty, sadly. C. vows to adjust his recipe. $105.65

9:45 p.m. — C. starts the bedtime routine for E., then I take over and tuck her in.

10:30 p.m. — Adult time! I go downstairs. I open a package that got delivered a few days ago: my Sony noise cancellation headset! I queue up Brit’s audiobook while C. watches an anime on his laptop next to me on the couch. I’m liking my audiobook a lot so far. We then go down a YouTube rabbit hole of Britney music videos and performances. That and Bones episodes.

2 a.m. — Lights out after bedtime routine.

9:30 a.m. — I wake up and get E. fed and ready to go on errands with me. M. had her driving lesson at 6:30 a.m. and drove herself to school. I have E. bug her dad awake while I shower. C. has work today, and it’s his late start day. I remind him to share the list of ingredients he needed to cook dinner for Friday night on AnyList. E. and I say goodbye to C. and head to my hair appointment.

10:30 a.m. — Hair time! $95 with tip. E. entertains herself with snacks, and then my phone for the last 30 minutes of my appointment. $95

11:45 a.m. — We hit the car wash and E. helps me, as much as a four-year-old can, vacuum and wipe down the car. Car wash paid with subscription. After that it’s time to grab E. some more food. I grab her request: a small PB Chocolate Love from Jamba Juice and a waffle ($11.18). I go next door to Starbucks and buy a grande iced latte with oat milk to take advantage of their $3 promo. I won’t drink this. I’ll save it for tonight. I also buy two gouda bacon sandwiches, and E. a cake pop.I load my card $25 and pay with my app. We sit down to eat. $36.18

1 p.m. — We are at M.’s school pickup spot. She gets out early today. I give her one of the gouda sandwiches to make up for not allowing her to drive us home. I drop M. off at home before heading to Von’s. E. walks the aisles with me and I grab some chicken thighs and other ingredients for C.’s chicken meatballs he wants to make from scratch. I grab a few staples like eggs, fruits and veggies, onions, and some other things like some more of M.’s Momofuku noodles. It doesn’t seem like a lot but the register says $168? I use two $25 gift cards from work and get it down to $118. $118

2:15 p.m. — We’re home, and I quickly put groceries away, then start on E.’s big request: banana chocolate chip muffins. I notice we do not actually have chocolate chips, and I didn’t buy any thinking we had some. I pivot and grab the hazelnut spread instead. We’re making banana hazelnut swirl muffins. E. helps out again. She is super cute, only barely helpful, but still appreciated.

3:50 p.m. — It should be done but I pull it all out and cut one muffin in half. It’s raw inside. The toothpick test failed me! I throw it all back in the muffin pan, and place the pan back in the oven to cook in the remaining oven heat, because I had already turned it off. I just pray it turns out okay. I quickly tuck E. in for quiet time, while I go down for a nap.

5:45 p.m. — I wake up to get ready for work. My mom already came to pick up E, who’ll spend the night at my parents’ as usual when it’s my husband’s long day and I’m working. I shower, dress, check in with M. before I leave. I note in our account that C. has bought some stuff from the container store, where he receives 40% off. He later tells me it’s some smart diffuser for our rooms. $61.92

7 p.m. — Clock in. I’m the resource nurse and I have a good crew tonight. My friends want to get poké. I packed a lunch but my friend said she’ll share one with me so I say yes. The poké gets delivered around 10 p.m. and I’m so hungry and eat my half. I mix my half with wasabi sauce. It’s so good. I pop a Motrin during this time with my food to help my back pain. I ask my friend how much to venmo her for the poké, and she insists it’s her treat! Whee!

12:30 a.m. — I eat my packed lunch. Yes I’m still hungry. I’ve already made my goal of 8,000 steps before midnight easily. Lunch is chicken adobo again (even better with the flavors all settled!), with carrots and mushrooms. I also eat one of the banana hazelnut muffins. I’m a happy camper. During the course of the rest of my shift, I become the idiot who spends $2.99 on some “cash” on mine and E.’s app game. On a more positive note, I finish Brit’s audiobook! $2.99

7:30 a.m. — I clock out of work. I’m on the road, and 10 minutes in C. calls me. He has just dropped M. off at school. We chat. I’m a bit bummed. I’m working again tonight and I’m missing my family. Such is the life of a night nurse. By 10 a.m. I’ve done my bedtime routine. I’m in bed but sleep later than usual after tidying up a bit, and fine, playing my game on my phone app.

3:30 p.m. — My bladder wakes me up. I check in on the girls. My parents dropped them off earlier. E. is actually asleep. My mom’s texts say they tired her out at the park. M. and I chat for a bit.

5:30 p.m. — I get up after another short nap, and try to wake E. up before I leave. C. gets home while I’m in E.’s room. M. wanders in as well, and we all congregate in E.’s room for a bit. M. tells us how her driving lesson went. C. tells me someone is picking up an armoire we’re parting with for $120. And that he sold his two old Garmin watches for $600. E. is still huddled under her blanket. I reluctantly get ready for work. I note that C. bought something from a vending machine today ($2.60). I leave a little late (but did get to say goodbye to E.!), no coffee in hand (pray for me). I did eat a cheese stick, and a handful of chips, which breaks my 16-hour fast. $2.60

7 p.m. — Clock in at work and do all the busy things before things slow down around 10 p.m., which is when I take my first break. I’m famished. I grab another light mozzarella cheese stick. I get texts from C. about how the girls are doing, and chat with E. via voice message. I also get photos of the chicken meatballs he made. It does look really good. M. said it was “buss”. I take laps around the unit and I make my steps goal before midnight.

12 a.m. — I eat my lunch that C. packed. Yup, it’s adobo again. There’s very few dishes I would eat three days in a row, but this is the exception. I also eat a muffin. It was the last one. I’m still peckish after a bit so I eat a cutie orange with a sprinkle of tajin.

7 a.m. — I clock out. It was another busy day, and my only break was lunch and 15 minutes on a massage chair. I’m off for two days and it’s a delicious feeling. I’m looking forward to seeing my family so much. I’m actually in bed by 8:30 a.m. today which is pretty early, for me at least.

2 p.m. — C. wakes me up. He’s gonna take M. to a get-together, and take E. with him, but did I want to have an early dinner with my parents after? They asked to have dinner together. The catch is, it’s at 4:15 p.m. With a young kid, and a weird circadian rhythm, I’ve learned to eat at weird times and adjust meal times when needed. I say yes.

4:15 p.m. — Ridiculously early but Cucina Urbana is a perennial favorite. We order roasted carrots, a gnocchi appetizer, I order a riesling, my dad gets red wine, and C. a diet soda. Then lamb shank, chicken Milanese, spaghetti Bolognese, and a whole branzino make their way onto the table. E. does order her own little pasta dish. We also share one tiramisu for dessert. The bill is $287. We pay $100 plus $20 tip per my parents’ insistence. $120

6 p.m. — We’re home and spend some quality time together, minus M. who’s still out with friends. Another wild Saturday night. At 10 p.m., E. goes down and we enjoy some adult time. M. comes home soon after and we all go to bed late, around 1 a.m.

9:30 a.m. — C. is already at work. I wake up with E. and feed her breakfast, then hang and play with her a bit. I pick M. up from church. She’s exploring her spirituality and I respect that. Shortly after, I swing by my mom’s house. For some reason she has a garage full of wicker baskets and she’ll be supplying half my book club’s basket for a book gift basket exchange being held at my book club meetup.

12 p.m. — E. is fed a janky mom’s charcuterie board on a paper plate while I fast as usual. M. is eating out with friends.

1 p.m. — Literally minutes before my mom picks up the girls, E. locks me out of my bedroom, which has my phone, laptop, wallet, clothes... I’m half-naked in the hallway and frantically ask M. to text C. if he knows where the key is to our room. The answer is, it’s inside the bedroom. Great! After some major running around like a chicken with its head cut off moment from me, my mom (!), who has left after picking up both girls, has come back to pick the lock successfully. For this, and for many other reasons, I will always be thankful that I actually like my parents and can stand living just minutes away from them. Thanks, Mom!

2 p.m. — Guests start arriving, bearing book baskets with a book of their choice and some gifts to go with it. We’re doing an elephant book basket exchange at this book club meeting. It’s also themed clothing, and I’m loving people’s outfits. I’ve air-fried some chicken and pork weenies in bourbon BBQ and brown sugar, and guests have brought their own offerings. A friend brought homemade camembert cheese dip and crackers. We also had shrimp cocktail, empanadas, various chips, bao buns. It’s a nice spread. Rosé and yuzu sparkling water are thrown into the mix. There’s a lot of photos taken of us in our Britney get up. A lot of chatting about things other than the Britney book. I successfully secure a book basket with a book from an author I really like in the elephant exchange.

5 p.m. — The party was a success! Everyones gone and I’ve already cleaned up. E. is dropped back off by my mom. I remind her not to touch locks ever again. C. comes home shortly after. Dinner is more weenies. I also whip up a skillet garlic pasta with chicken and veggies. I decide we need to finish off the apples in the fridge so dessert is sliced apples.

10 p.m. — M. comes home around the time E. goes down for the night. C. and I have adult time.

1 a.m. — C. and I passed out very early on the couch and shortly make our way to bed at around this time.