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Beryl Tritel, Licensed Master Social Worker
Congrats on the promotion! That must have felt fantastic being rewarded for your hard work, so I understand how your boyfriend “charging” you for this major accomplishment might leave a bad taste in your mouth. But, it sounds like there are a couple of major dynamics at play, so let’s look at this objectively before you make any decisions. There’s a reason that finances are the number one cause of divorce (more than adultery even, and by a wide margin), and that’s because when you mess with someone’s money, you mess with their emotions. Anything that’s related to one’s survival is registered as a threat, so I imagine this issue is a stressor for both of you.
Bea Arthur, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
That’s true. As a “modern woman,” wouldn’t you agree that the amount one partner contributes to shared expenses be proportionate to the amount that’s coming in, regardless of gender? If the circumstances were reversed, it would be a nice gesture for him to put in a little bit more to take some pressure off of your plate and not many people would question it, so maybe we should examine your resistance a little. Historically, men have been expected to be the primary provider, so does it bother you that this expectation now falls to you? Of course, you didn’t sign up to be his mother, but that’s not what he’s asking. It sounds like his idea of his idea of “fair” is the person who makes more should pay more. 50/50 is a nice notion but the truth is that life happens in the gray areas, so both of you should do your best to be open-minded and flexible.