When I stepped into my grandmother’s living room as a child, my dad would tell me, "Go ahead; put on Channel 22." My tiny hands gripped the remote and punched the numbers in, and soon, the television hummed as pixels danced across the screen. It was a true treat since I wasn’t allowed to watch Cartoon Network at home. Together, my dad and I sat on the slippery, plastic-covered sofa, watching Jerry outsmart Tom, leaving him with un gran cocotazo. I still remember my dad's laughter echoing through the wallpapered room, clapping every time Tom screeched, "yow!" He was more entertained than I was. At the time, I couldn’t understand what he found so funny about a cat getting an anvil to the head. He always had the loudest laugh in the room. Why? Because he, too, was still a kid enjoying himself.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
I grew up with teenage parents. Both my father and mother were 17 years old when they had me in 1997. Since they were so young, both of my grandmothers played an integral role in my childhood, visiting one grandma every Sunday with my dad, and living with another with my mom. It was my own version of Tomie dePaola’s childhood book Nana Upstairs, and Nana Downstairs, except we were a Puerto Rican-Ecuadorian family in Queens, New York.
I had a very New York upbringing, enjoying ice from Lemon Ice King, the jungle gym at Funtopia, and all things the New York Mets with my parents. Still part of youth culture, my mom and dad exposed me to a vibrant mix of freestyle beats, Madonna anthems, and Hot 97. Since they had to grow up fast, whenever the opportunity to be a kid again arose, they jumped on it. This meant tapping into their recent memories. They shared their favorite childhood snippets: Rainbow Brite, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, Looney Tunes. And they laughed even harder than me while watching cartoons because it wasn't that long ago that they sat in front of their childhood TV, enchanted by it all.
“
"TV shows and movies typically depict teen parents of color through the struggle or in other negative framings, as though they have ruined their lives. But my relationship with my mom looked more like Gilmore Girls’ Lorelai and Rory: I felt like it was me and my mom against the world — and it still is."
Sarah Carrillo
”
But these scenes I reflect so fondly on are not what you’ll see in popular media. Instead, TV shows and movies typically depict teen parents of color through the struggle or in other negative framings, as though they have ruined their lives. But my relationship with my mom looked more like Gilmore Girls’ Lorelai and Rory: I felt like it was me and my mom against the world — and it still is. We have the same humor, sharing inside jokes that can set either one of us off into hysterical laughter. Similar to Rory and Lorelai, we’d squabble over little things, usually my mom would win, with a swift, “I’m the mother, you’re the daughter” phrase. The worst was when people would call us sisters; my eyes rolled to the back of my head as my mom would smile from cheek to cheek.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
So much of Lorelai and Rory's story could be my and my mom’s story (except Lorelai comes from an upper-class Connecticut household, whereas my mom hails from a Latine neighborhood in Woodhaven, Queens), so we see Lorelei stumble but ultimately find her footing.
If my childhood was the subject of a TV show, I can guarantee it would not have snarky jokes. Mediated representation of Latine teenage parenthood isn’t as kind. Instead, our stories are used as cautionary tales, with happy endings too far out of reach.
In my real life, my friends couldn’t hide their shock and confusion when I told them my mom’s age. And among my extended family, there were whispers about my parents that followed me around. Once, someone told me, “It’s a shame your parents had you so young and aren’t together. You never grew up around true love.” But I’m not an outlier; in 2008, the year I turned 11, 64% of children under 18 lived with both parents, down 23 percentage points from 1960. Even more, parents not being together doesn’t mean they love their children any less. It means, like with many separations, that it was healthier for them to be apart than together, and recognizing that is an act of both self-love and familial love. My parents’ romantic relationship didn’t work out, but they remain in each others’ lives, as co-parents, because of me. That, to me, is love in its purest form.
“
"Our stories are used as cautionary tales, with happy endings too far out of reach."
Sarah Carrillo
”
Of course, there were hard moments, but this is true in any family dynamic. While my mom and I were close, it was hard to get away with the typical teenage debauchery because, as she’d remind me, “I was that age not too long ago.” When I started high school, I felt as though she was punishing me for her actions. My mom's protective words echoed over and over: "Come home right after school." "Call me when you're about to get on the train; it doesn't matter if you have to use a pay phone. You call me." Frustrated and annoyed, I felt resentment. I now understand what she was doing, her momma bear instincts taking over. She was protecting me, but as a child, I believed my mom was taking things away from me.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
With age, my appreciation for her, my best friend, only grows. So does our relationship. We attend concerts and travel together, and we're the first at happy hour. We’re on more even standing, and she’s a key part of my support system. Whenever I think about where my mother was at my age, 27, I am in awe. Things were not always easy for her, but it didn’t stop her from stopping and taking pleasure in the little things. My mother has taught me how to love sunsets and how to love big and hard.
“
"Growing up with young parents means you will see them grow and change. You observe as they learn life-altering lessons for the first time. They then pass on their advice, as though they hadn’t just learned it themselves."
Sarah Carrillo
”
Growing up with young parents means you will see them grow and change. You observe as they learn life-altering lessons for the first time. They then pass on their advice, as though they hadn’t just learned it themselves. And they may be a little unsure of themselves, but they push you to be brave. I hold onto their bits of advice, collected like precious keepsakes through the years, and lean on them throughout adulthood.
Relationships with parents have highs and lows, and it was no different for me as the daughter of teen Latine parents. In 2022, more than 57,000 young Latinas, aged 15 to 19, gave birth, and while that might paint a concerning picture of teen pregnancy, it also won’t capture the full story. It won’t show how our parents navigate difficult circumstances and still build fulfilling lives for themselves and their children.
Curious to learn more about others who grew up under similar circumstances, Refinery29 Somos Interviewed three Latines with former teen parents. Their stories are a testament to the power of love and resilience.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
Justin Tejada, 28, Colombian-Dominican from Florida
What do you admire most about your parents' journey?
Their unwavering tenacity. My dad was my mom's first and last boyfriend. I watched her care for him through his cancer treatment and beyond, even after he passed away. Her loyalty and presence have been a North Star in my own romantic relationships.
What is your favorite memory with your parents?
Our first trip to Disney World. It felt like they were more excited than my brother and me. I remember watching my mom look at the castle as if she were reliving her own childhood.
A memory I also hold close is when we moved from a one-bedroom apartment in Queens, New York, to a house in Florida. My parents were so proud.
“
"As time continues, I realize it’s their first time living, too. I’ve grown to be more patient and understanding."
Justin Tejada
”
How has your relationship with your parents evolved?
You know the saying, “Be gentle with your parents; they're going through life for the first time, too?” As time continues, I realize it’s their first time living, too. I’ve grown to be more patient and understanding. I want to support my mom’s wants and needs.
How has your parents’ support shaped your own sense of self and resilience?
My father used to say, “Si no los vas hacer bien hecho, no lo hagas.” I always put my best foot forward; I try to be present in all I do.
Jae*, 18, Brazilian and Salvadoran from San Francisco
What is your favorite memory with your mom?
My mom and I loved going strawberry picking together. We'd blast Fleetwood Mac and enjoy a peaceful escape from San Francisco. She'd also set up picnics for me and take me on walks when I was little. I’ve developed a deep love for the outdoors from the memories we’ve shared.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
How has your relationship with your mom evolved over time?
My mom and I have always been incredibly close. She's the first person I think of when I need to talk about anything, whether it's big or small. Our bond is reciprocal, and I know she feels the same way. We talk every day now that I’m away at college. I'm so grateful for her constant support and love.
How has having a young parent influenced your own values and perspectives?
I appreciate the unique and diverse ways families can be. The journey my mom and I shared together, and everything we've experienced, has shaped me into the person I am today. I'm interested in exploring different family dynamics and can't imagine who I would be without mine.
“
"I am her person, and she's my person."
Jae
”
What do you appreciate/admire most about your mom’s journey?
My mom was always thinking ahead, always planning for my future. She wanted to make sure I was well-prepared for whatever life threw my way. She supported me academically, advocating for me to transfer to a better school. But her support went beyond the classroom. She was always on the lookout for opportunities that lined up with my interests, like computer science. She was dedicated to helping me explore my passions and develop the skills I needed to succeed.
How do you envision your relationship with your mom will continue to grow?
I feel like we're going to be as close as we are now. I am her person, and she's my person. Even though I'm at college and very busy, we talk a lot about what our future looks like. We've discussed how it’ll just be me and her — I'm excited for the future.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
We've talked about getting more cats, potentially getting a house, continuing to pursue education, following her dreams and goals, and building something special together.
The biggest thing is that everything is reciprocated. I'm also there to support my mom, and we truly are each other's absolute everything.
Briana Santiago, 26, Puerto Rican from Brooklyn
How has having a young parent influenced your own values and perspectives?
Having a young parent has significantly influenced my values and perspectives. I watched my mom have three children before turning 25. Despite leaving my father, facing heartbreak, and struggling, she always ensured that each of us was taken care of. Whether it meant working two jobs or spending her last dollar, she made sure we had food and a roof over our heads.
As I've grown older, I've learned that with determination and hard work, nothing can hold you back. My mom's journey has shown me that even after years of struggle, one can achieve great things. She is now able to travel the world and experience different cultures. I will always look at my mom as inspiration to be anything I want in life and to live the life I deserve.
“
"I understand there will be obstacles and challenges throughout life. My mom has shown me I can get through it all — because she did."
Briana Santiago
”
How do you envision your relationship with your mom will continue to grow?
I hope our relationship will only grow stronger over time. I'm grateful for everything my mom has done for me and look forward to the day when I can repay her a hundred times over for her love and support. I envision us becoming even closer, sharing life experiences, and continuing to build on the strong foundation we've established. She deserves the world and I plan to give it to her.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT
What do you appreciate most about your mom’s journey?
I appreciate and admire my mom’s perseverance. I understand there will be obstacles and challenges throughout life. My mom has shown me I can get through it all — because she did.
Interviews have been edited for clarity and brevity.
AdvertisementADVERTISEMENT