New Product Says If Your “Personal” Hygiene Isn’t Perfect, You’ll Be Alone Forever

Hey ladies, apparently the reason you might have trouble meeting someone is because, well, you smell "bad." Yep. It isn't your luck, your predilection for bad guys/men-as-boys, or even anything for which you are personally responsible. It's hygiene. Thank goodness we've cleared that all up.

In order to ensure your "peach will get picked" (Ugh. So. Much. Ugh.), Playtex's new ads for their Fresh + Sexy personal wipes not-so-subtly suggest that you "get more action" if you "keep it clean." Of course, every woman knows exactly the "it" the ads are referring to, but the commercials remind us anyway with phrases like, "A clean beaver always finds more wood."

Feeling like getting up, flipping the table, and never returning to the Internet again? We don't blame you. Sadly, we forget that anything not pristine, sterile, or uniform that comes from the female body is generally considered bad. As ladies, we spend our entire lives being terrified about looking, smelling, tasting, and touching "bad," while being plied with products that promise to make us "normal." The message is clear: You will have more sex if your vagina is good-smelling.

For some ladies, using a product like this gives them confidence and makes them feel better, which is great. Also, the product seems to be aimed toward both men and women, which is a refreshing (pun intended) twist. Yet, the (not-so) underlying message is that the sexual desirability comes from maintaining whatever uncouth smell associated with "down there." Let's make a point clear: Wipe whatever you like if it makes you feel more desirable (those living in hot climates, for instance), but if you choose to abstain, it certainly won't make your sex life better. Only getting over your penchant for man-children will do that. (Jezebel)