Do You Ask For Their Star Sign Before A Date? You’re Not Alone

When Sofia, 34, who did not want to share her full name, swiped right on a new match on Bumble earlier this year, she hoped she was onto a winner. “He sounded like a cool guy,” she tells Refinery29. “Very active, ran marathons, played sports — I liked that.” Then he hit her with a deal-breaking message: “When exactly were you born?”

Ah yes, her birth chart. How could she forget? 

Astrology has been around for a very long time but in recent years it has felt more commonplace, with endless memes about compatibility or personality traits related to different signs and charts dominating our social media feeds. The 2020s have seen astrology apps like Co-Star rocket in popularity (in its first six years of existence, Co-Star amassed some 30 million registered users) and the global astrology market is expected to exceed $22.8 billion by 2031. This rise is often attributed to the demise of organised religion and a need to make sense of an increasingly chaotic world, particularly among younger generations. But since when did it become so entwined with our relationships? 

These days, it’s rarely surprising for people of all genders and beliefs to know their whole astrological birth chart, and perhaps even their Venus and Mercury signs, simply because of the number of times they’ve been asked about it on dates. Ask my friend Charlie, 27, who is so aware of the position of astrology in the dating game that he lets new partners know where they sit on a zodiac sexual compatibility chart. (He ensures me he only does this after they’ve started sleeping together.) For those with more faith in the stars, astrology-based dating apps like Karma and CosmoPair have stepped up to do the astrological matchmaking for us. 

While for many, like Charlie, astrology is more of a talking point than a genuine belief, it is intriguing just how many people look to the stars for guidance on their love lives. One recent survey by the writing platform EduBirdie found that astrology plays a “significant role” in dating for 45% of young people, with 31% admitting they wouldn’t date someone with an incompatible star sign and 21% having been dumped due to the zodiac. Unfortunately for Sofia (a Taurus, by the way), she’s part of the latter statistic. “When I asked why, he said he had to check with his astrologist if we would be a good match because he wouldn't want to waste his time if not,” she tells us. In response, she refused a date. “I wouldn't want to have a relationship that is defined by [astrology] rather than personality,” she says. 

Serious or not, astrology has become so intertwined with dating that it almost feels weird not to know someone’s star sign within the first couple of dates. But why? 

It’s important to note that astrology is far from new, and neither is synastry (the practice of using astrology to determine romantic compatibility). In some cultures, astrology has long been used to determine suitability for arranged marriages. But in cultures like ours, where the trajectory of our love lives all comes down to us, astrology continues to take precedence. 

Evolutionary psychologist Max Blumberg believes astrology can give people a “sense of control”, especially in the face of endless choice. “From evolutionary theory, our brains were designed 20 million years ago and they haven't evolved much since,” he tells Refinery29. Back then, he says, we’d likely meet no more than 10 prospective mates in our whole lives. Now, with apps and large cities, we’re presented with a constant stream of options. All this choice, combined with the speed at which people move on to new partners, may make some people feel pressured to make a quick judgement about their compatibility with someone. “Many people feel pressure to assess compatibility within a short timeframe, especially on first dates,” says Blumberg. 

Right or wrong, astrology provides a way to filter people out. It’s not uncommon for people to include their star signs in their online dating profiles — in 2019, Bumble said that this was the most commonly used filter globally — and people don’t shy away from emphatically rejecting specific star signs outright (July Cancers, anyone?). 

Inbaal Honigman, an astrology expert, who is now 50, uses astrology to determine who would be most compatible with her in a host of situations, whether it’s finding someone to host a podcast with or, indeed, marry. Twenty years ago, in the nascent days of dating websites, Inbaal (a Pisces) made it her mission to find a husband. In a bid to practice what she preached, she limited her options to either a Sagittarius or a fellow Pisces. And it worked — Inbaal is still married to her dream Pisces husband. 

But it’s likely that Inbaal got lucky. After all, as she explains, true synastry is about looking at the whole birth chart, not just the sun sign. Besides, astrological compatibility isn’t backed up by research. One study, published in the Journal of Population Sciences in 2020, found no evidence to suggest that astrologically compatible couples are either overrepresented among observed marital unions or associated with a lower risk of divorce.

In general, Blumberg cautions against trying to cut corners for something as important as a relationship. “Astrology offers a shortcut but genuine compatibility requires time and experience,” he says.

Francesca Johnson, a behavioural scientist and cofounder of inclusive datting app Mattr agrees, likening the experience of modern dating to rifling through clothing rails in vintage shops or TK Maxx. “People don’t want to put in high effort for a high reward, which is why they turn to things like algorithms or astrology to help them filter,” she says. “But if you put in the time and energy, you’ll usually find a gem.” Think of all the wonderful people you could be looking past by judging them based on a very small set of qualifications such as their birth chart. 

Not to mention, says Johnson, humans “rely on patterns”. “We really like to put things neatly in boxes in our head and we categorise people off very few pieces of information,” she says. But this can stop us from being present with the people we’re dating. Rather than seeing them for who they are and what they’re doing at the moment, we see them as the person we’ve decided they are (which could very much be a projection). “You want to be emotionally vulnerable [when dating],” says Johnson. “Not think that you know everything.” 

Then, of course, there’s the mass disillusionment people are dealing with, fuelled by the current dating culture and social media. “Astrology provides a narrative that frames relationship challenges as cosmic rather than personal, which can be comforting for those feeling disillusioned,” says Blumberg. Again, Johnson agrees. “It can be a way for people to validate their experiences,” she says. In this sense, astrology can be used as a coping mechanism. By blaming being ghosted, or things not working out, on someone’s star sign, you can tell yourself it was out of your hands. There are two problems with this: 1) It stops you from processing genuine hurt and 2) it stops you from taking accountability for your actions, which is a surefire way to find yourself in the same situation over and over again.

So while astrology can be a fun ice-breaker or even a tool for introspection, it might not be so wise to make it a sole focus in the dating world — at least not without a pinch of salt.