Hump, Marry, Kill: Where The Wildlings Are

Hump: You know who has a face chiseled by the gods to be specifically optimized for the lighting on a gritty procedural crime show? Hugh Dancy — who has the perfect amount of scruff and sports those tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses on Hannibal.

Honorary “super-hot scruffy dude with wavy hair you just wanna run your hands through” mention of the week goes to Richard Madden, a.k.a. Robb Stark on Game of Thrones. If the scruff and hair didn’t convince you, presenting exhibits C-Z: interviews where he speaks in his native Scottish accent. I’d be totally fine with winter coming if I could spend it with him or Jon Snow.

Marry: Speaking of Jon Snow, I think I have a problem. If there’s even the slightest hint of a “will they/won’t they” couple on a show, I will start shipping them like a tween on Tumblr. First, it was Ben and Leslie on Parks and Rec. Then, it was Nick and Jess on New Girl. Now, it’s Ygritte (Rose Leslie) and Jon Snow (Kit Harington) on Game of Thrones. Screw your Night’s Watch celibacy vows, Snow. She’s one of the Free Folk. She can teach you things.

Also, TMZ says that Harington and Leslie are dating in real life, which had better be true. K, gotta get back to my F Yeah Jon and Ygritte Tumblr and fan-fic.

Kill: If you’ve seen even five minutes of Entourage, you will understand the cognitive dissonance that occurs when Jeremy Piven says, “Can’t a fellow get a break?” while clad in foppish gentleman turn-of-the-century garb. Maybe it’s because he’s playing Henry Gordon Selfridge, who is always described as a “brash American entrepreneur” who revolutionized department stores and introduced the idea that “the customer is always right.” So, he’s basically playing Ari Gold, but not as big of an a-hole. Except you can’t help but be on edge, just waiting for him to snap and yell out “LLOYDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.”