A Week In San Francisco On A $1,000,000 Household Income

Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We’re asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we’re tracking every last dollar.

Today: a stay-at-home parent who has a $1,000,000 household income and who spends some of her money this week on Band-Aids as decorative accessories for her toddler.

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Occupation: Stay-at-home parent (previously strategy and operations).
Industry: Technology
Age: 36
Location: San Francisco
Salary: $0. Husband’s salary: $400,000 base + $600,000 bonus (this bonus is guaranteed annually. It is in his employment contract and he gets a multiplier on top of that based on performance).
Assets: $3,500,000 in 401(k), high-yield accounts, and home equity.
Debt: $1,200,000 loan on house.
Husband’s paycheck amount (2x/month): $11,000
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses

Housing costs: Mortgage: $5,500.
Loan payments: $0
Health insurance: $200
Internet/cable/security system: $400
Water/sewer: ~$250 (depends on the month).
Electricity: ~$500
Garbage: $35
Netflix: $0 (mooched off family).
Cell phone: $150
Spotify: $20
Google Cloud: $1.99
iCloud storage: $2.99
Disney+: $7 (shared with our families).
Donations: $500 (Planned Parenthood, Red Cross, American Heart Association and Habitat for Humanity, among others).
Preschool: $3,000
Extracurricular activities: $500

Undergraduate donation: ~$2,000
Homeowner’s insurance: $1,650
Car insurance: $1,850
Car registration: $900
Property taxes: $25,000
Amazon Prime: $119
Chase credit card fees: $650
Amex credit card fees: $650

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Yes — my parents were adamant from a young age that we attend college. They focused on education, and doing well in school was super important to them. My parents told my brother and me that no matter what school we got into or chose to attend, they would cover our undergraduate education. My brother chose to do a bachelor’s and master’s degree over his four-year education. I chose to graduate early with a bachelor’s degree.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
My dad has always worked in finance and is a CFO, so money has always been part of our conversations at home. My parents openly talked about how much they made, how much we were spending as a family, how much their investments were appreciating, and so on. My parents strongly believe that other than a home and car loan, you never carry debt.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first professional job was a summer internship in college at a financial services firm in NYC — I got the internship to build my résumé (my parents paid for my summer expenses). My parents would not let me get a job in high school, since they wanted me to focus on my education and participate in extracurricular activities that would help me get into college. I was an RA in college and got paid for it, but I was required to save the money in a CD.

Did you worry about money growing up?
My parents always bought us what we needed and wanted. We knew we were growing up upper-middle class and never had to worry about money. We never got an allowance but always got money when we wanted to buy something or to spend socially. Any money we got from family for birthdays was deposited in a savings account that we were not allowed to touch.

Do you worry about money now?
We don’t really track our expenses or worry about what we are spending on a daily basis. I do worry about the future, especially as we start to grow our family and have to consider additional things like private school for our son. I leave most of the investing to my husband, W.

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I started being self-sufficient when I graduated college and started my first professional full-time job. I covered all of my own expenses but knew that I had a safety net (my parents) if I fell on hard times. I was fortunate to have a job that covered all of my expenses and also let me save annually. Most of my childhood and college savings went into the down payment for our house. My parents would still gladly help us if we needed it but my hope is that I will never need to ask them to help W. and me. W. grew up in a more privileged socioeconomic position than my family so his parents are also available as a safety net if we ever need to tap into it.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
I received passive income in college to pay for expenses outside of room and board and tuition — this worked out to be about $20,000 over four years of college. My parents contributed $20,000 for my wedding, W.’s parents contributed $20,000 as well, and the remainder we covered. When our son was born, my parents gave me $25,000 for the baby. We used that to start a 529 for him.

5 a.m. — My son, O., wakes up and calls for my husband, W., so he gets him up. They start their morning together. O. loves to help make coffee in the French press. I come down at 6 a.m. to start my day.

8 a.m. — Drop O. off at school after getting him ready for school and making scrambled eggs, toast and cutting a banana for him.

12 p.m. — I make pesto pasta for W. and me. I add some chicken for protein and let W. know that lunch is ready. We eat together while he has a 30-minute break in between calls and meetings.

3 p.m. — I notice that the leak in the bedroom is back. It randomly leaks so I call the roofer to get an estimate.

5 p.m. — I go pick up O. from his preschool. He loves to lollygag when he leaves school so it takes us about 20 minutes every day to get him into his car seat.

8 p.m. — We eat green rice and broccoli, plus roast chicken for O. and W. After dinner, we play with Duplos and do some painting. W. and I are trying to be better about being present so we leave our phones in the kitchen. We get O. ready for bed — brush teeth, shower, pajamas, one Blippi song, five books, hugs and kisses.

10 p.m. — I watch an episode of Below Deck and sleep. Other than washing my face and brushing my teeth, I don’t have a regimen.

5 a.m. — I hear O. wake up and toss in his crib. He finally calls for us 20 minutes later. I do my morning ritual of the NY Times Mini Crossword, Wordle and Connections. I have to do it in that order. It feels good to have this be ritualistic. W. takes O. downstairs to start the morning.

8 a.m. — Drop off O. at school. Pancakes for breakfast this morning with blackberries.

9 a.m. — I go to the grocery store today. At the grocery store, I buy spaghetti, fusilli bucati, gnocchi, chicken tenders, lamb chops, eggs, milk, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions, garlic, shallots, pesto sauce, mac and cheese, pistachios, and pine nuts. $124

12 p.m. — W. has chopped the vegetables and lettuce to make a chopped salad with canned garbanzo beans. It is a delicious salad and we love it. We have enough to last us two days. Put the ribs recipe from Smitten Kitchen into the oven. It is O.’s favorite thing that I make and he asks for it every day.

2 p.m. — The electrician comes to look at the buzzer system at our house that is broken, as well as a light that is flickering. After an hour of his time and labor and replacing the materials, he leaves, having resolved both issues. We also get a quote to add electrical to the addition we have in our house. $275

5 p.m. — Pick up O. from school and bring him home. He is so excited that he gets to eat broccoli, pork ribs and mac and cheese for dinner that he gets in his car seat in a record 12 minutes. I wish I could incentivize him every day! I remind him that I am meeting a friend for dinner. He spends the rest of the drive home asking me about my dinner plans.

6 p.m. — I quickly get everything ready for O. and W. before I leave to meet my friend V. They go through their nighttime ritual.

9 p.m. — Try out an Italian restaurant in Cow Hollow. We order a golden beet salad, arancini, mushroom pasta, cheese pizza, and tiramisu for dessert. The food is great and hanging out with V. is always fun. I have known her for almost eight years now and she has been part of my journey around work-life balance. $80

10 p.m. — Drop V. off at her house and get ready for bed. It seems silly and annoys W. immensely that I can fall asleep within five minutes of lying down while it takes him over 30 minutes to fall asleep. We do our nightly “roses and thorn” practice, which is quite often the only time we talk to each other face to face.

6 a.m. — O. wakes up and we start our morning. W. takes him downstairs while I do my NY Times games. I make oatmeal with raisins today. He doesn’t seem super hungry and just eats the raisins. I ask him if he wants anything else and he asks if he can eat the two ribs that were leftover from last night. We heat them up and give them to him. W. helps O. pick the meat off and I realize we will need to change him again since the rub is all over his clothes.

8 a.m. — Drop off O. at school and remind him that his grandparents will be here for pickup today. My parents are amazing at helping us with O. — they come and spend Friday through Monday with us. It is great to have them around to help with cooking, cleaning, and childcare duties. He is super excited and tells me that I don’t need to come for pickup. I am glad he is so close to them but feel a tinge of sadness that I am no longer invited.

10 a.m. — We are going to the zoo tomorrow so I make sure I get everything ready for the trip.

12 p.m. — I eat the leftover salad from yesterday and watch an episode of Real Housewives. I love Bravo shows. It is true escapism for me. I am such an introvert and hate conflict but I love living vicariously through these shows.

3 p.m. — The roofer comes to look at the roof and doesn’t see a leak. He doesn’t understand why there is water coming in or why it only happens when it rains heavily or there is thick fog in SF. He thinks we should continue to monitor and offers to send us a quote for a patch up near the leak but doesn’t think that will solve the problem.

4 p.m. — My parents come and drop off their things before going to pick up O. from preschool.

7 p.m. — I make pot pie with vegetables for me and add chicken for W. and O. I usually cheat and use frozen vegetables and puff pastry crust so that it is less work but W. likes it nonetheless. My parents ask if they can have some of the veggie one so I give them some and freeze the rest for lunch in the future. After dinner, my parents put O. to bed.

9 p.m. — Since W. and I didn’t need to do bedtime tonight, we decide to go grab drinks at a bar in Bernal Heights. We each have two drinks and discuss how the transition to me not working is going. While W. won’t say it, I think he is happy to have me take on more of the parental and family load while he continues to focus on his career. $77

11 p.m. — We come home later than we planned but it was nice to have some alone time. I do my bedtime teeth-brushing and face-washing and crawl into bed. It feels extra cold tonight so I grab another blanket from the closet and turn on the room heater.

6 a.m. — O. wakes up and my parents grab him. He gets 30 minutes of TV with my parents on the weekend. They love the cuddle time with him and he loves spending time with them. After TV, they go downstairs, read books, play with Duplos, and eat breakfast. He loves eating the food my mom makes.

9 a.m. — W. wakes up with his right knee swollen and unable to bend it. I let O. know that I will be taking him to the zoo alone and give W. some Aleve to help with the pain. O. and I get ready and leave for the party. I put a load of laundry in the washer.

10 a.m. — We get to the zoo and start with seeing the flamingos, giraffes, and tigers. O. is excited to see his friends. He eats an egg sandwich I packed, a handful of grapes, one bag of goldfish, as well as pizza, dipping dots, and mac and cheese we buy. He spends a lot of time watching the gondola, riding the train, and watching the grizzly bear taking a swim. I convince him to leave so that we can get home before his nap. $97 ($55 for tickets and concessions; $42 for food).

2 p.m. — This is a fail: O. falls asleep in his car seat on the drive home. I let W. know that since O. is sleeping, we are just going to wait in the garage. My dad waits in the car with O. so that I can get out of the car. O. finally wakes up at 3:30 p.m.

3 p.m. — We realize that our washer might be broken. It is full of water and showing an error code. Since W. still hasn’t been able to move his knee, I decide to troubleshoot the issue. I google the error code and watch a few YouTube videos. I realize that we have never cleaned the filter and it needs a good cleaning. In the filter I find O.’s sock, two Band-Aids, some felt, and a lot of lint. I am extremely happy that I was able to resolve the issue without needing to bring someone to fix it.

5 p.m. — My mom makes samusa soup for dinner. We all enjoy it. I take it upstairs to W. since he is still in bed. He has an appointment with a doctor later tonight since the pain isn’t decreasing. After dinner, O. and my parents do a dinosaur puzzle together while I wash dishes and clean the kitchen and dining room.

7 p.m. — I do bedtime with O. and he is concerned about his dad, so we try to explain that W. will be okay soon and is just resting. After a shower and stories, I put him to bed. He likes to have all of his stuffies sleeping in his crib.

10 p.m. — I usually try to rest during O.’s nap but today I ran out of time. We are going to the Bahamas over O.’s winter break so I spend some time booking our flights, hotel in FL and car rental. Our flight to FL we use miles for. My parents are coming with us since the house we are staying at is my uncle’s. $2,000

5 a.m. — O. wakes up and my parents grab him. After TV, they go downstairs, read books, play with his pretend kitchen, and eat breakfast.

8 a.m. — W. and I wake up and go downstairs. W. has an appointment with the doctor and gets X-rays as well for his knee. His knee is still swollen. We will be billed later for this.

10 a.m. — We go to the beach and spend the morning there. O. likes playing in the sand and one of our favorite breakfast places is a few blocks from Ocean Beach. We get three egg sandwiches, six beignets, and two coffees to split between five people. $64

1 p.m. — Bring O. home and get him ready for his nap. He is convinced he doesn’t need to nap. It’s as much for him as it is for our own benefit. We tell him he has to at least do quiet time if he doesn’t want to nap. The doctor calls W. back with results; she suspects that W. has psoriatic arthritis. She sends him to an ortho specialist and a rheumatologist. W. is not happy to hear this and is concerned about the cost. I remind him that his health is priority number one.

2 p.m. — W. leaves for his flight to Europe for a weeklong business trip. I find it wild that with his knee so swollen he is still doing a trip this long. He says the doctor gave him some medication to help with the swelling. It makes me concerned for his health and wellbeing.

4 p.m. — After waking O. up from his nap, I take him to his gymnastics class. He loves the class and the teacher. It is such a good way for him to burn off his energy and he loves showing me all that he can do on the bars. $30

6 p.m. — We drive home, pick up the pizza we ordered. The wait was one hour and I am so glad I placed the order during his lesson. We get half pepperoni, half mushroom. O. likes both, I like mushroom. After dinner, we call W. since somehow FaceTime works on the plane. It is magical that O. can see his dad. W. just watches O. play all evening and hears the updates about class. $35

8 p.m. — I end the call so that we can start bedtime for O.

10 p.m. — I watch a bit of the Emmys and then get ready for bed.

6 a.m. — O. wakes up and is ready to start his day. We go downstairs to make pancakes for breakfast, which he refuses to eat. Our fallback when he doesn’t eat his breakfast is a granola bar. He begrudgingly takes that. I am trying to be better about not becoming a short-order cook for him. He is super moody about breakfast food.

8 a.m. — I drop off O. at preschool and rush home since the gardener is coming this morning. $100

10 a.m. — I have an interview for a contracting job at a tech company. The recruiter seems concerned that I might be overqualified for the role. I tell her I will think about it and let her know tomorrow if I am interested.

1 p.m. — I use our Uber Eats credit to buy myself lunch. W. uses Uber a lot for work and he gets credit through his Amex. Lunch costs $30 but I have $27 in credit. $3

2 p.m. — I pick up W.’s medicine and buy him a brace for his knee (he wanted a spare one). I also buy some Elmo Band-Aids since O. wears them as accessories and we are running low. This will be reimbursed by W.’s company contribution to our HSA. $46

5 p.m. — Pick up O. from school and tell him dinner will be fettuccine with white ragù from Smitten Kitchen. He loves eating pasta and I like that I can get carrots and mushrooms and meat into him with this recipe.

8 p.m. — Bedtime again for O. after playing with his fire truck, dump truck and excavator. He likes pretend play a lot. We do a quick FaceTime call with W. — it is the middle of the night/early morning for him but it’s important that O. gets to talk to his dad.

11 p.m. — I wash my face and brush my teeth and get ready for bed. I email the recruiter saying that I am passing on this opportunity and hope there are others available. It makes me realize how privileged I am that I can say no to new opportunities when there are layoffs happening in tech.

6 a.m. — O. wakes up and starts an entire conversation with his stuffies. I let him just roll around in bed until 6:30 a.m. when I go into his room to get him.

8 a.m. — I drop O. off at school and go to the nursery to buy some plants. I have a few plants that I want to replace since they aren’t growing well. $35

12 p.m. — Our cleaning lady comes to clean the house. We live in a four-bedroom house and it takes her about three to four hours to clean the entire place. She has been with us for close to 10 years now and I can’t imagine having to do it ourselves. I make a quick lunch of tofu skins and veggie stir-fry and rice. $150

4 p.m. — Our handyman has finished fixing the drawer that was stuck, repainting our fence, and replacing the toilet roll holder in the guest bathroom. $250

5 p.m. — I pick up O. from school and drop off the snacks that they will use to raise money. They have a monthly snack pack where parents can donate money and kids can pick out snacks. O. is sad that his dad isn’t in town. I promise him that after dinner we can call W. on FaceTime. I truly appreciate that technology enables O. to connect with his dad since W. travels close to 100,000 miles annually for work.

6 p.m. — O. helps me make pesto pappardelle with asparagus for dinner tonight. He loves being my sous chef. He asks if we can go to a restaurant for dinner tomorrow since he sees his dad eating French fries for dinner. I tell him we can do it and he is super excited for it. We spend the next hour painting, making a mess, and cleaning up. I find the activity therapeutic and O. seems to enjoy it as well.

8 p.m. — Brush O.’s teeth, shower, and do story time and bedtime. It takes a lot of cajoling to get through the whole process. We can normally do it all in 30 minutes if we are efficient but today it takes closer to an hour and I am exhausted.

10 p.m. — I go to bed after doomscrolling on Instagram for 30 minutes. I remind myself that in less than 48 hours W. will be home and I won’t have to solo parent anymore until next week when he travels again.