Since I’ve started taking medication to manage my anxiety, I’ve had the pleasure of feeling — for the first time in a long time — stressed without feeling anxious.
That’s right — I was pumped to feel pure stress, untainted by thought patterns related to anxiety and depression.
Because “anxiety” and “stress” are often used interchangeably and because everyday stressors can make you feel anxiety, I'd like to explain what this difference means for me. As someone whose anxiety has hijacked most of my “normal” stress reactions for a while now, I know this difference is not subtle — it’s significant.
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So here, in two scenes, I'll take you into my head and explain why stress and anxiety are so different.
SCENE I: ANXIETY
INTERIOR OF OPEN OFFICE SPACE — MORNING
A woman sits at her desk and opens her laptop. Immediately tension creeps up her back. She feels like a balloon is being blown up in her chest.
Woman's brain:
I have too many emails. I have too many emails. I can’t believe I let my emails get this bad. No one else has this many emails. I’m so bad at time management. I’m so bad at my job. Everyone’s going to find out I’m not really good at this job. I’m just a fake. Everyone’s going to find out. I’m letting everyone down. I don’t deserve this job. I’m letting so many people down. I can’t believe I let it get this bad. I deserve nothing. I’m a worthless piece of shit. I should kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself…
End scene.
SCENE II: STRESS
INTERIOR OF OPEN OFFICE SPACE — MORNING
A woman sits at her desk and opens her laptop.
Woman's brain:
I have too many emails. It’s frustrating that I have too many emails. It’s unfair I’m not responding to everyone in a timely manner. This is stressful.
Woman starts answering emails.
End scene.
To me, feeling purely stressed without interference from anxiety means experiencing tension about a task at hand — without spiraling and questioning the meaning of my existence and the value of my worth. I have to admit, it’s nice. It doesn’t fix all my problems or make stress go away, but managing my anxiety with medication has given me a little more headspace to deal with these stressors straight on, which is a welcome change.
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So next time someone explains to you that they’re feeling anxious, understand it might be more than a “typical” reaction to a stressor. In fact, anxiety doesn’t even need a stressor at all. And while I know I can never avoid a life without stress, I’ll take a life with less anxiety.
This story was originally published on The Mighty, a platform for people facing health challenges to share their stories and connect.
If you are thinking about suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or the Suicide Crisis Line at 1-800-784-2433.
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