A Week In San Bernardino County, CA On A $184,000 Joint Income

Occupation: Associate Director
Industry: Higher Education
Age: 34
Location: San Bernardino County, CA
Salary: $79,000
My Partner's Salary: $105,000
Net Worth: ~-$300,000 (I have no savings currently. What I did have in savings was used to supplement living costs while I tried to build a consulting business last year (which didn't really take off like I expected/needed it to) and I have no retirement savings. I am confident this will change this year. Or at least, it better because it's giving me heart palpitations every time I think about it. My partner and I have completely separate accounts, but what's mine is his and vice versa.)
Debt: $285,000 in student loans (master's degree and doctoral program), $18,355 left on my car loan
My Paycheck Amount (biweekly): $2,400
My Partner's Paycheck Amount (1x/month): $5,100
Pronouns: She/her

Monthly Expenses
Rent: $2,000 for a two-bed, one-bath, including utilities. I live with my partner and my son.
Student Loans: Currently paused
My Car Payment: $355
My Partner's Car Payment: $225
My Partner's Loan Payment: $419
Health Insurance: $205 (Taken out of my partner's paycheck. We are registered domestic partners, which means in the state of California, my son and I can be on his health insurance.)
Child Support: $1,450 (This is what my partner pays to his ex-wife.)
Internet: $75
Cell Phone: $45 (This is my portion. It's $85 for my partner's portion of his family plan with his mom and sister.)
Preschool: $794
Car Insurance: $125 for me, $100 for my partner
Renters' Insurance: $22
Storage Unit: $94
24-Hour Fitness: $25 (My partner's membership.)
Amazon Prime: $15
YouTube Premium: $15 (My partner's membership.)
Apple Storage: $2.99
New York Times: $4
Spotify: $16
Sorority Foundation Donation: $15
Zoom: $12.99
Microsoft Office 365/OneDrive: $7
Disney+, Netflix, HBO: $0 (We mooch off of various family members for these.)

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Short answer, yes. It wasn't even discussed, just assumed. Not even just college, but also graduate school. My parents managed all the work around paying for my undergraduate degree. I'm pretty sure my parents paid for part of it from their savings but then also took out private loans which they then also paid back. I'm still not 100% sure what the process was there. My family does not and never has talked about money. For my master's degree and my doctorate, I took out federal student loans, the sum of which you can see above. I had absolutely no concept about what it meant to take out student loans until my repayment plan started. I cannot believe the amount of debt I amassed to attend school. Was it worth it? Debatable. Especially because I realized after the fact that the only reason I went to get my doctorate was because I was bored and felt like I needed to since all my friends were working on PhDs. If I could go back, I don't think I would have gotten a doctorate degree.

Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
Literally none. I had no idea how much things cost or how to make a budget or what it meant to have a credit card or what credit card interest was or ANY idea about how to do taxes when I left my parents' house. I'm still kind of bitter about this, but I'm trying to focus on doing better for my kid and making sure to start these conversations early and often.

What was your first job and why did you get it?
My very first job was working at Old Navy the summer after my freshman year of college. I think I got it because my parents expected me to be working while I was home for the summer, but I spent every paycheck and didn't save anything.

Did you worry about money growing up?
Never. I knew growing up that my family had a decent amount of money (my dad had a private dental practice and my mom stayed home) and that we drove nice cars and ate out a lot. We went on a significant vacation at least once per year, and my mom, my sister, and I were able to go shopping all the time. I never stepped foot into a thrift store until I was well into my 20s. Now, I shop almost exclusively for clothes at thrift stores or secondhand online!

Do you worry about money now?
Constantly. I have no retirement savings yet and I'm 34. This last year, my partner and I have barely made it to the end of each month and have had to borrow money from family several times to get there. I filed for bankruptcy last year because my credit cards and a private loan I had taken out were wiping me out financially. I thought long and hard about if bankruptcy was the right choice and ultimately decided that yes, it was. I divorced my son's father almost immediately after I had him because we were in an extremely toxic, abusive relationship, but in order to do so, I had to hire a very expensive attorney, which caused me to rack up insane credit card debt. We are still going to court almost five years later, but I had to let go of my attorney because I had no more space on my credit cards to pay her. I quit a god-awful job last January and tried to build a business doing freelance/consulting work for a while but not having a consistent income from me was absolutely devastating my partner and me financially. I applied for over 100 jobs and even got third and fourth interviews for several, but it took almost seven months of full-time job hunting to land my current gig. As someone who has never had an issue finding a job and holds a doctorate degree, this was a major blow to my ego. I started my new job, part-time, at the end of October. I went full-time in January. I am relieved to be back on a work team, with consistent income. Maybe I will be my own boss full time someday, but it's not in the cards at this point. I've had to do a lot of work around feeling stupid for trying to start my own consulting business and "failing."

At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
At 22 when I graduated college and moved into my first apartment. I was still on my family's cell phone plan for a few years after that, but everything else I was responsible for. I lived way outside my means, using multiple credit cards to cover my budget shortfalls every month so describing myself as "financially responsible" feels like a stretch. I do know if I need money, my mom or my sister will be able to help me. Or my aunt, though she and I are not super close so I would only go to her if I were absolutely desperate. My partner, P., also has several family members who will loan us money, no questions asked, if need be. As of right now, neither he nor I have any credit cards, so we don't have those to fall back on.

Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
When my grandmother passed away about 10 years ago, I got $1,000 from her estate. Guess what I did with it — I spent it! My aforementioned aunt also gave me a pretty significant chunk of money, I believe $15,000, when I was first going through my divorce to pay for my attorney's retainer fee and then supplement some living expenses. I have no idea if I can expect to receive other inheritance money from anyone else in my family because, as stated above, no one talks about it! My sister and I have tried to have open conversations with my mom, and my dad when he was alive, but to no avail. It's very frustrating.

6:40 a.m. — I am up, thanks to my kid, D., poking me in the arm and asking, "Mama, do I have school today?" When I report back that yes, he does, he gives his usual, "Aw! No fair!" reply, complete with an Australian accent from watching every single episode of Bluey multiple times. IYKYK. I call my partner, P., for a brief chat since he leaves the house by 6 a.m. most weekdays. He teaches middle school and finds if he leaves early and makes time to meditate and journal before school starts, his days go so much better. After our phone call, I make D. and myself breakfast of toast and cereal, our lunches, and coffee for myself. (Unless otherwise mentioned, you can assume this is our normal breakfast.) Get us ready and out the door by 8:10. I drop D. off at preschool and start my one hour and 20 minute drive to work.

9 a.m. — I catch up with my sister on my drive. We haven't talked for a while, mostly because she's on East coast time and I'm on West coast time. I have to ask her for a loan of $150 because I don't get paid until Friday and preschool just informed us they have to start charging more since my son is now there for full days. Every single dollar in our budget is accounted for these days and this increased cost totally messed things up. My sister Venmos the money to me right away.

10 a.m. — I arrive at work, eat my second breakfast of Greek yogurt, granola, and raspberries plus a Larabar. Then off to a check-in meeting with my boss, etc.

3 p.m. — I eat the lunch I packed of leftover orange chicken, rice, and stir fry veggies. I also have some M&Ms to satisfy that sweet tooth. I am proud of myself for packing a lunch instead of doing a drive-thru near my office. I browse Poshmark while eating my lunch because I desperately need a few more work clothes options. I don't buy anything yet, but I do like several things and now I will wait for the offers to roll in.

7 p.m. — Done with work for today. I FaceTime my son quickly since he'll be asleep by the time I get home. It's funny to realize the phrases he's picking up from us, such as "What are you up to?" Talk to P. for a few minutes and head to the grocery store.

8:10 p.m. — I get gas at the gas station attached to the grocery store ($30) and then come to realize the stupid grocery store closed at 8 for some reason. I don't feel like stopping at another store and I'm hungry so I stop at Del Taco for a burrito, some fries, and a drink ($11). $41

9 p.m. — Finally home. Do the dishes and catch up with P. Snuggle on the couch for a few minutes. Do my nighttime skincare routine (La Roche Posay cleanser, Pixi Glow Tonic, Shea Moisture moisturizer), brush and floss my teeth, and head to bed.

7:15 a.m. — I wake up a little later than I wanted to this morning. I place a Sprouts order through Instacart for a pickup after work. I order broccoli, eggs, ground beef, protein bars, raspberries, blueberries, half and half, apples, a frozen pizza, some yogurt smoothies for my kid, and muffins ($56.66). I finally haul myself out of bed. I make coffee, lunches for D. and me, and breakfast. By the time my kid finally wakes up, I realize it's after 8 and I'm going to be late to work. Luckily, my boss is not a micromanager and has a young kid of his own, so he gets it. I take a two-minute shower, quickly get both of us dressed, and we're out the door. I drop D. at preschool, give him an extra-long hug, and settle in for my long commute with an episode of the Be There in Five podcast. $56

10:15 a.m. — I arrive at work only 15 minutes late. I settle in at my desk, eat a Greek yogurt with granola and start drinking my water. I'm working on developing a bunch of new policies and training documents, so going back and forth between lots of Google docs/spreadsheets/PowerPoints.

1:10 p.m. — It's really hot in my office. I take a bathroom break and realize there's some kind of tear/rip situation in the dress I'm wearing directly over my crotchal region. Cool. At least there's a significant lining underneath! I eat an apple pie Larabar and debate trying to fix this wardrobe malfunction with tape, but I think that might draw more attention to it.

3 p.m. — Lunchtime! I packed leftover chicken and rice soup, a kale salad kit, and a sweet potato. I text a little with my best friend who currently has COVID, but she's feeling a tad better than the day before. I investigate gymnastics class options for D. because he has a ton of energy and is freakishly strong. Just as I'm wrapping up my lunch break, I get a text from P. that he thinks he should get a COVID test before picking up D. because he "doesn't feel well." Literally everyone I know currently has COVID or has gotten it in the last couple of weeks, so I'm not shocked. I felt like I've just been waiting for this, even though P. and I are both vaxxed and boosted.

7 p.m. — Head out from work. FaceTime D. and talk to P. for a few minutes, per usual. Turns out P. could not get a COVID test at the place he went to and the at-home ones are sold out any and everywhere so he will get an in-person one in the morning. I drive to grab the Sprouts grocery pickup order, grumbling about how this COVID testing situation (or lack thereof) is so frustrating.

8:45 p.m. — Home again. I am hangry. I move D. from my bed where he fell asleep to his. He left me some Hot Wheels in my bed as a welcome home treat. I eat some of the chicken and rice and catch up with P. I start falling asleep so I do my nighttime routine and we move to our bed and I read some of How the Word is Passed by Clint Smith. This is one of my favorite books already and I'm only halfway through. I decide to set an alarm for the morning so I don't run late again and then it's lights out by 10:15.

5:55 a.m. — D. comes in to tell me he's cold. Why don't they make Merlin's Magic Sleep Suit for four-year-olds? I walk him back to his room, tuck him back in under his blankets, and he falls back asleep. I lay in bed for a little while texting my niece (she is 14 and incredible) and looking at emails, Instagram, and then my LinkedIn feed, of all things. I also check my bank app. I get out of bed by 7, start making coffee, lunches, and breakfast for D. and me. I call P. on the phone to see how he's doing. He's feeling okay, but still going to get tested to be safe. Get D. and me ready and out the door on time. Good job, self!

9 a.m. — Duck into a Target on the way to work to return a pair of leggings I bought recently that just didn't fit right. I get the $18 back in cash, which I'll use to get the best price on gas later. My commute is almost 80 miles one way right now and even though my car gets excellent gas mileage, I'm still filling up three times a week. I can't wait until April when our lease is up and we can move somewhere more equidistant between P.'s and my jobs. I enjoy having the commute time to call people on the phone or listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or my boy bands playlist, but seeing how much gas I am using and how many miles I'm putting on my car is depressing. I also put my makeup on while driving (I know, I know... I can pretty much apply it without looking in the mirror, though). Most days I just wear ELF brow pencil and brow gel, curl my lashes and apply Maybelline Lash Sensational (the best drugstore mascara IMO), and Wet & Wild Photofocus foundation.

11 a.m. — Morning snack time. Yet another Greek yogurt, granola, and raspberries. I also eat half of one of the bran muffins I bought yesterday. I decide to take a break from the PowerPoint I've been working on the past couple of days to work on something else and give myself a break from the other content. I feel like I've been looking so much at these slides, I don't know if they even make sense anymore.

3 p.m. — You know what time it is... lunchtime. Leftover chicken and rice from last night, along with a KIND bar. During my lunch break, I browse ThredUp. I find a bunch of cute work tops and skirts, but for sure have to wait until I get paid again or even the next check before I will buy anything. As someone who spent a lot of her life just buying whatever she wanted and putting it on a credit card if I didn't have the cash, this practice is new and hard for me. But it doesn't leave me with crippling credit card debt anxiety that keeps me awake for hours every night, so... I get a text from P. his COVID test is negative, thank goodness. Still feel like the 'Rona is coming for us, though.

5 p.m. — I am dragging so I watch two of my favorite YouTube videos of Broadway songs to perk me up (Max Chernin singing "I'll Cover You" from Rent and Rachel Zegler singing "Still Hurting" from The Last Five Years). I also take a lap around the office and fill up my water bottle. In work news, the first draft of my PowerPoint feels ready to share with my boss. I'll share it with him during next week's check-in meeting. We'll see how this goes!

7 p.m. — I head out from work, FaceTime the kid, talk to P. You know the drill. Call my friend, B., to catch up with her. I also finish listening to a podcast episode of Nora McInerny's Terrible, Thanks for Asking with Eve Rodsky. I love both these women and this topic of more equally dividing the household tasks. P. and I have a monthly check-in meeting where we have a list of four standing topics we check in on (how connected we've felt, how we feel about our sex life, ways we felt loved by the other person, and highlights from the past month) as well as any other things we think of to discuss. I'm putting this topic on next month's list. I stop for a little bit of gas ($15). The loan my sister gave me is rapidly dwindling thanks to groceries, gas, and monthly automated expenses and I am having anxiety about making it to Friday. $15

8:30 p.m. — I make it home. Time for soft pants, popcorn, and TV. We are almost through season two of Yellowstone. Before we start watching, we talk about my money anxiety. P. grew up in a family where money was always tight, so he deals with this stress well, but I do not. He gets a call from his cousin, R. to talk about P.'s visit to them this weekend with all four kids. R. lives a few hours from us so we talk about a loose budget for this weekend. I'm staying behind because I have a meeting and a plasma donation appointment. Plus, alone time! Gimme! I give P. $13 of my $18 cash I got earlier so he can put some gas in his car tomorrow, too.

11 p.m. — We have one episode left of season two of Yellowstone but I am tired and don't want to regret staying up too late, so I do my nighttime routine and get in bed. I spend a good ten minutes thinking about my nearly empty bank account and how much gas I'll need to get to/from work tomorrow before my paycheck hits on Friday. I know that once I'm getting my full paycheck consistently every two weeks, things will improve but right now it's still very stressful.

6:50 a.m. — Wake up, check the bank account and see I have $3 left in there. Cool, cool, cool. It's fine. D. is up almost immediately after me so we start our morning routine — coffee, breakfast, pack lunches. Today he wants to look at the two big photo albums we have while he eats because he's looking for a very specific picture, but we can't find it. He's upset, so I help him work through his feelings so we can get ready and out the door on time.

8:40 a.m. — Drive to work. Listen to another episode of Be There in Five, apply my makeup, and keep a very close eye on my gas gauge. I'll definitely have enough gas to make it to work and then mostly home. I still have a few dollars leftover from my Target return yesterday which I'll put in my car at some point today to actually make it to our driveway. Being in my mid-30s and living financially like I'm 19 is humbling to say the least. But when I actually was 19, and all through my 20s, I lived like I was a financially stable 30-something even though I did NOT have the money to do so (#CreditCardIdiot). On top of having no financial education to speak of, I had major FOMO and shopped a lot to avoid my feelings about things. Plus, I'm a Taurus sun and a Taurus rising, and we're notorious self-treaters and luxury lovers, so it's kind of my astrological destiny.

9:50 a.m. — I also try to call my mom to check in on her during my drive, but she doesn't answer. My dad unexpectedly passed away a couple of months ago. My parents were still married, but their relationship was complicated so while she's grieving, she's also living life well these days. I was very close to my dad, so I'm mostly just low-level sad all of the time right now. I've also had several vivid dreams about him recently, which make me feel still connected to him, but are hard to shake when I wake up from them.

11:15 a.m. — I'm feeling kind of blue today and I have cramps. I'm waiting to hear from my insurance company about getting a hysterectomy scheduled because I am 100% done having children and 100% done with having insane nonstop bleeding. Luckily my OB-GYN put me on a medicine that keeps the bleeding at bay but I was dealing with it for almost two years straight. I am pretty sure given the type of insurance we have, my copay for this surgery will only be something like $10. I have no idea how insurance works. The entire system baffles me.

3 p.m. — Lunchtime. Today I packed the rest of my leftover chicken and rice soup, a sweet potato, an apple, and some pulled pork with caramelized onions to throw on the sweet potato. While I eat I think about what I want my new workout routine to be. I'm planning to start working out in the early morning once I really get used to my new routine and find something I like that I can do at home. I hate working out at home so this will be a challenge. I'd love a Peloton because I think I would really be able to stick to a routine with one, but it's so expensive.

4:30 p.m. — I get a text from my sister. Ever since our dad died, she's been struggling with her anxiety, but she finally found a therapist she likes. I'm very happy for her. After our chat, I get a fierce chocolate craving. I heard a rumor there's a vending machine somewhere here, so I dig for some quarters in my bag and find enough for a treat. I end up buying a Twix and eating half. I'll eat the other half tomorrow. $1.50

7 p.m. — Done for the day. Still feeling down. Talking to D. and P. cheers me up a little bit. I put a few more dollars of gas in my car ($6) and make it all the way home. I listen to a country music mix instead of a podcast or audiobook. Usually, when I'm in a funk, music is better than talking. $6

8:20 p.m. — D. is still awake when I get home so I read him a book and sing our normal songs and then he is out like a light. I eat some of the pizza P. heated up along with a salad. We lay down in bed to talk and cuddle, but P. is asleep pretty quickly. I get up and do my nighttime routine, read some of the book I recently borrowed from the library (Once and For All by Sarah Dessen because YA fiction is soothing to me and I've been reading her books since I was a YA). I'm asleep by 9:45.

5:20 a.m. — Normally I can sleep through P. getting ready, but not today apparently. I hug him goodbye and get back in bed to read more of the Sarah Dessen book. Around 6:30, I get up and take a shower and wash my hair. I loathe washing my hair. It's not even that big of a deal, but I usually only manage to get up the motivation to do it about once per week. Out of the shower, I check my bank account — paycheck is in there, cue the hallelujah chorus.

7:20 a.m. — D. is up. We make coffee, breakfast, and lunches and talk about how he will be going away with P. and P.'s kids for the weekend, but I'm staying home. He is a little sad I won't be coming with them, but he loves P.'s kids so much he is mainly excited to get time with them. I get a text from P. and he mentions he got gas ($43) on his way to school. I get D. and myself ready and I pack his bag for the weekend. $43

12:30 p.m. — I get a call reminding me of an appointment I made tomorrow for a pedicure. My current pedicure is almost half grown out — yeesh. I am trying out the salon at a local beauty school, so this will be relatively inexpensive. I might not be the best pedicure of my life, but we'll see!

3:30 p.m. — Time for lunch. I venmo my sister back the $150 she loaned me. Eat my lunch of leftover pizza, another salad, and an apple and a little peanut butter. I also order a set of manicure stickers from ManiMe ($13, including shipping). I've never ordered anything from this company before, but I love having my nails done and hate spending the time to paint them. I'll compare these to the Dashing Diva brand, which I LOVE, and see which one I like best. $163

7 p.m. — Leave work and get a nearly full tank of gas this time ($51). Gas prices are averaging about $4.60 a gallon here right now, so a truly full tank would be almost $65. Not to sound too senior citizen, but I literally remember during my senior year of high school being able to fill my friend's gas tank for $12 because gas was under $1 a gallon. Ahh, memories. Talk to P. and D. and say hi to P.'s kids. P. got some groceries after school today to bring to his cousin's ($69). $120

8:40 p.m. — Home to an empty house. The kitchen is a mess, but I will deal with it tomorrow. I put on sweats and decide to put on a set of Dashing Diva nail stickers while listening to an old episode of My Favorite Murder. Do my nighttime routine and lights out a little after 10.

7:45 a.m. — Relish in waking up alone. Spend a little time on Instagram, read some NY Times headlines, and roll out around 8:30 to make breakfast. I throw together a hash with frozen potatoes, eggs, cheese, onions, and peppers. I also make a piece of toast and coffee.

9:10 a.m. — I hop on Zoom for a training for my sorority since I'm an alumni advisor. It goes well and I love being able to give back in this manner. I advise two undergraduate chapter officers. The new ones coming in seem like we'll work well together. After we're finished, I make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

12:30 p.m. — I head out for the pedicure. When I get to the salon school, they tell me the person who was supposed to do my appointment called out. Inconvenient, but they credit my account for two services, which I will use. There's a legit nail salon a couple doors down, so I end up going there to get a pedicure because I cannot take one more minute of my raptor claw toes. The technician is very gentle and gives an awesome foot massage and I leave happy. $40

2:30 p.m. — My niece FaceTimes me and we spend about 30 minutes catching up. After our chat, I get a burrito bowl from Chipotle along with a lemonade. $11.84

4 p.m. — I decide to stop at Ulta to grab more dry shampoo, body wash, and eye makeup remover. After the Ulta coupon, my total is only $25.64. I have to refrain from impulse-buying anything from the cute mini section by the registers. Discipline! $25.64

5 p.m. — Get home and get to work cleaning the house and then decide to bake a cake since I have a mix and I want some cake, dammit. Video chat for a little while with P. and D. then decide to FaceTime my mom since I still haven't caught up with her yet. We spend almost an hour chatting. I really miss her. I'm trying to convince her to come visit for a weekend, but we're not sure when we can make it happen. After we hang up, I make a mug of tea and eat some cake while watching an old episode of Grey's Anatomy.

9:30 p.m. — Get ready for bed and read a little. I'm starting to really miss P. and D. I will be happy when they get home!

7:45 a.m. — Get up and review the pre-plasma donation instructions. Oh god... apparently I'm not supposed to have caffeine for like six hours before I donate?! This means I have to skip my morning coffee. Fine, fine. I make the same breakfast as the day before (egg hash and toast) and think about my plan for the day. Take a shower, put on my makeup, and I'm on my way by 9:30.

10 a.m. — Arrive at the donation center, go through most of the pre-screening stuff and then the nurse tells me I can't donate because my iron level is too low. I figured this might happen. I've been fighting anemia for about a year now, but I thought things were back at a normal level due to me taking iron supplements consistently. I make a mental note to send my doctor a message about this later.

11:30 a.m. — I stop at Starbucks to get a latte for my caffeine fix and an order of the egg white egg bites. Starbucks egg bites are one of my favorite "fast food" items out there. I load $10 on my card so I can get my stars. $10

12 p.m. — Stop at the storage unit to organize everything and unload a couple of things. While I'm cleaning, I find a treasure trove of skincare stuff I completely forgot I had put in there. This is like Christmas 2.0!

2 p.m. — I have to psych myself up into going grocery shopping, but if I don't, I have no idea when we'll get groceries for the week. I have become pretty good at checking grocery store ads and clipping digital coupons as well as making a list and not going into the store blind. This makes a huge difference for me in my grocery spending habits. Today I go to Food4Less. It's not very crowded so I can take my time hemming and hawing over certain things. I get lots of produce, meat, stuff to put in our lunches, frozen veggies, frozen waffles, yogurt, milk, and a couple of cleaning products. $195.85

4 p.m. — Get home, unload all the groceries, put out the trash cans since they'll get picked up tomorrow, and zone out on TikTok for a little while. Finally decide to make a real meal around 5:30 and throw together another burrito bowl, adding some of the new chipotle crema sauce I got at the store. It is SPICY but good.

7:30 p.m. — Video chat with D. and P. They are all having so much fun on this little getaway. They've basically been outdoors nonstop, which is D.'s ideal life setup. They'll be home super late tonight. After, I check my calendar for the upcoming week, do the dishes, and get ready for bed.

9 p.m. — Reflect on the week, do some breathing exercises through the Calm app (I get a free premium subscription through my insurance, which is pretty dope), and read before lights out around 9:45.