We Called Off Our Engagements — & Celebrated It

“I knew I would go forward with my bachelorette party even as my ex-fiance and I were discussing the logistics of calling off the engagement,” remembers Jenny*, 35, who is based between California and Hawaii. Calling off an engagement is devastating, but as Jenny wrote in an Instagram post for her friends and connections to see last year: she “gave back the ring but kept the bachelorette party”. In the photos, she is beaming.

Ending an engagement isn’t simple. By that point, so many people are involved in the relationship and expect a wedding. As with anything that involves others, shame compounds when things don’t go as planned. In the era of self-love and healing though, some women aren’t going through those typical motions of secrecy and keeping things on the down-low. Instead, they’re proudly celebrating their decisions in their own ways.

For Jenny, that meant having a huge party. “Admittedly, that was the part I was the most excited about so there was no question in my mind that I wouldn’t follow through on my commitment to go to Australia and have a good time with friends,” she says. Jenny and her ex-fiance were together for three years, engaged for one, and things ended in September 2024. They had irreconcilable differences in both their religious views and the number of children they wanted — Jenny was expected to convert to her ex-partner’s religion, and didn’t want as many as four children necessarily. As awful as this situation was, she was determined to still celebrate her choices. 

She and her friends flew to Byron Bay for a road trip as her bachelorette. “What made this trip so special was that it felt like every other trip with my friends. There was a lot of strawberry matcha, Pilates, tanning by the pool, unpacking memories and laughing,” she says. “We took turns wearing my custom ‘Bride Not to Be’ sash when we went out, and when inquiring strangers came up to ask us what happened, we would make up the craziest stories and double down on them. The more wine we had, the crazier the stories got.”

Healing is often depicted as a quiet, solitary mission. Something you journal on and go inward for — but one size doesn't fit all. Healing can be loud, filled with company, and fun. “Celebrating with friends carved out the space I needed at the time to reflect and look forward, and feel empowered in my decisions,” Jenny says. “I found it clarifying and felt mostly optimistic about the breakup, the future, the version of my life I chose to let go as well as the one I was embarking on. It was a milestone in and of itself and I'm so glad I chose not to do it alone but surrounded by friends and champagne.” The bachelorette helped her keep moving forward and “set the tone” for how Jenny wanted to move into the next season of her life. “Looking back on it now, I'm very proud of the way I showed up and walked out of my relationship with my ex-partner, into this new one with myself.”

Unlike weddings, there isn’t reliable data on how many people have called off an engagement and whether this is happening more than ever before. But what is shifting, is the attitude around relationships ending. Julia Moreno, family partner at Keystone Law, with expertise in divorces, says “more couples today are willing to end relationships that are not working and prioritise wellbeing”, and that it’s not uncommon to see divorces within the first few years of marriage. “Calling off an engagement shouldn’t be seen as a failure. The courage to say ‘no’ when something isn’t right is an act of strength and respect,” Moreno adds. Not only that, it’s likely far less financially damaging than paying for a divorce later on. Kate Daly, divorce expert and co-founder of Amicable, believes that in recent years, “how we view ending engagements has gone from failure to being recognised as a brave, emotionally intelligent and self-aware decision”. Celebrating after the engagement breakoff is something experts in this field see, too. Ann Robinson, head of family law at Blacks Solicitors, says that many of her clients exchanged their rings for “something celebratory for themselves like a party, a holiday or a trip”.

When Eliza*, 30, based in Santa Monica, found out her ex-fiance had been acting inappropriately with a colleague, just 10 days before the wedding, Eliza slowly began to “reframe the loss of the engagement” through going to plenty of live music events. This was her way of celebrating herself. “The most healing and empowering thing I did was use the money I had already lost on the wedding that my ex later reimbursed to buy concert tickets,” Eliza says. “I lined up at least two shows a month for myself and a friend in New York. For months, music became my medicine. It saved my life and helped me process everything emotionally.” 

The engagement broke down in September 2021, and in the following year Eliza went to over 30 shows, including Jungle, Polo & Pan, Vampire Weekend, Tame Impala, Khruangbin, Rüfüs Du Sol, Glass Animals, and Kaytranada. “Parcels had just released their album Day/Night, and there’s a song on it called ‘Somethinggreater’. One of the lines says, ‘Holding out for something greater, holding out for something else’. That became my mantra. I remember the third time I saw them live. I stood in the middle of the crowd singing that line and sobbing — not out of sadness, but because for the first time, I fully believed it. I deserved something greater, and I knew it was on its way.” Dancing allowed her to “feel things without needing to explain them”, get grounded, and recognise that “healing doesn’t always look like stillness”. Sometimes, dancing to a song that connects with you is the best thing you can do, she believes. When she finally felt ready to let go, Eliza then went to Sedona with her mum to hike, meditate, and feel the grief, anger and heartbreak. She left emotionally stronger for it. 

Celebration, though it might feel at odds with such a devastating experience, is part of the moving on process. Smriti Joshi, psychologist and head of clinical services at Wysa says that while we normally celebrate achievements, painful endings need the same treatment because they often lead to big turning points. “It’s important to make space for both grief and celebration. Grieving honours what mattered to us, but celebrating acknowledges the courage it took to make a choice that protects our long-term wellbeing. Psychologically, this duality is important,” she explains. “Grief allows us to process the emotional significance of what’s been lost, while celebration — even in small, symbolic forms — supports post-traumatic growth. It helps reframe the experience not just as an ending, but as a transformation. It can be a powerful step in reclaiming hope, self-trust, and a sense of agency, all of which are essential for moving forward in a healthy way.”

Reconnecting with these things is exactly what Natasha*, 32, who lives in Los Angeles, did after ending her engagement. “I got engaged in December 2022 and deep down I knew we had problems from the start. I immediately put us into couples therapy instead of planning a wedding,” she says. “I called off the relationship officially in August 2023. We didn't bring out the best in each other and I didn't like the version of myself around him.” Needing space to process things, she moved to Calabasas and leased a horse. “I decided to fall back in love with myself instead of feeding my ego and pretending like I was okay,” Natasha says. “Horse riding, which is something I loved when I was a kid, brought me back to my authentic self. When I was ready to enter back into ‘real life’ I moved back to Beverly Hills and celebrated by renting myself a balling apartment.” This gentle celebration, focused on finding joy in things old and new, helped Natasha move forward.

As Joshi puts it, when engagements end, It’s not just about disappointing others, it often involves “confronting deeply personal hopes, fears, and dreams”. But, it boils down to self-respect and self-protection, and that deserves commemorating. “Studies in relational and emotional resilience suggest that those who can set boundaries that serve their own self-alignment tend to find more satisfaction and have fewer regrets in the long term. Put simply, your needs, values, and future happiness are always worth protecting.” And once you’ve protected them, made the call and had a cry, it’s also time to open a bottle and mark a new chapter with your nearest and dearest.