“18 Again” Vaginal Shrinking Cream Is Somehow Not A Joke

Here are some things that aren't completely terrible about 18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream:

Everything else about this cream, however, is officially Completely Terrible. Look, it's your vagina and you can put whatever you like in it. Some people might enjoy the feeling of extra tightness during sex, and we don't begrudge them a little "vaginal shrink cream," if that's what they really want to spend their money on. But, please, oh please, do not buy this tube of hot-pink misogyny with the varsity-sweater number shape and the promise to make your lady parts barely legal.

"Remember your first time? We remember ours," coos the description. Yeah, and if you think it's something we'd like to do again, then you might be remembering it wrong. 18 Again promises to turn back the clock with the magic of potassium alum. This naturally occurring aluminum sulfate (sexy!) is the same thing found in many deodorants. The ions in these compounds may cause skin cells to swell (though this effect is highly debated), hence making your vaginal walls feel tighter. With just a dab, you can, "feel tight and wanted again!"

Feeling loose and unlovable? Well, that's probably because you are! But, never fear, ladies. This dubious cream is here to "recapture your vagina's youth," and make you a worthy human being again! Finally, you can enjoy "the tight, gripping feeling that made sex such an awesome experience" back when your vagina was good enough.

But, hey, there's a whole world of vaginal rejuvenation solutions out there. There are products like Crazy Girl Wanna Be Tight Cream, Liquid Virgin, and a promising new gel, simply called TIGHTEN IT UP! (their exclamation point, not ours). And, if 18 Again Vaginal Shrink Cream isn't quite your style, you might like to try its number-one competitor: Born Again.