I’m Plus-Sized — But Does That Mean I Can’t Have Deal-Breakers?

If I'm a dating deal-breaker for some guys because I'm fat, does that mean I'm not allowed to have my own dating deal-breakers?

I don't think so. My list of dating demands is minimal and straightforward: I like my guys smart, Christian, and taller than me. I also want them to have a full set of teeth. I met a guy once who had no teeth on the left side of his mouth. He picked me up in an expensive, luxury car, but I guess he didn't think shelling out for false teeth was important. Of course, in his online dating profile pic, he'd flashed a tight-lipped grin, leaving me no indication of what was missing.

So, I want a tall, intelligent man who shares my religious beliefs and has a toothy grin.

About the height thing: I know maybe I'm being fastidious with this one, but if my size is going to be a deal-breaker for some men, well, then, I'm going to stick to my personal height requirements and not feel bad about it. The thing that really gets me about this particular dating deal-breaker is the fact that while I'm honest about my appearance — letting someone decide right away if my size is a turnoff — so many of the men I meet online are not. One potential match led me to believe he was 6'4", but when we met, I saw just how much he'd stretched (more like shrunk!) the truth.

I realize some people think my physical deal-breakers make me a hypocrite. I've noticed that when I put my foot down about physical appearances, people encourage me to not be so picky — as if at my size, I really shouldn't be concerned with what my dates look like. Being a big girl (or a plus size princess, as I like to affectionately call myself), I'm fully aware that my size is the number-one deal-breaker for some people. I get it: Not all men are interested in a woman with some extra weight on her. I’ve seen the online dating profiles that specify “no fatties,” and I’ve been ignored in bars, no doubt because my physical stature doesn't fit someone's dating ideal. And, I've been vocal about my own dating deal-breakers, which has led random men to leave comments on my web site excoriating me for looking like I do and yet requiring my dates to be of a certain height.

But, there's nothing wrong with my wanting to date a tall man. There's also nothing wrong with the fact that my size is a deal-breaker for some. Unlike my dates who lied about their height or posted pictures that made them look like they had a full set of teeth, I am and always have been completely up-front and open about my body type. I post head-to-toe photos since I don't want to be misleading. And, even though I can do some rock-star workouts, I don't categorize myself as “athletic” because, while I totally disagree with it, I know that a lot of men associate that word with a muscular build with chiseled everything. I do whatever I can to help a guy filter me out of his search if I’m not what he wants in the looks department.

Fortunately, we don't all share the same deal-breakers. What doesn't work for one person may be just fine for the next. And yet, I think the problem lies when we can only see people for what they look like.

But, who's to say those deal-breakers won't one day fall by the wayside. I mean, hey, I could surprise myself and fall head over heels for a short guy, and a man who supposedly doesn't like bigger women could just as easily fall in love with me.