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Remember the opening scene of Bridesmaids, when Annie is in the middle of sex with her friend-with-benefits and is still wearing a bra? I do. I remember because my best friend at the time paused the movie as soon as she glimpsed Annie's bra to impart some wisdom on me. You could tell that this guy was bad at sex, she said, because he didn't even take all of her clothes off.
I had basically no sexual experience at that point in my life, so I took her word as law. Obviously he was a bad and selfish lover if he hadn't even bothered to take off her bra or play with her nipples (duh!). Being a little more experienced now, I realize that one action didn't necessarily mark the guy as a bad in bed — although the rest of the movie shows that he clearly was. Sometimes you don't take off all of your clothes because sex happens too urgently to bother unhooking a bra — and that can be pretty hot.
So maybe the bra test doesn't actually work, but there are several other ways to tell if the person you're sleeping with can be selfish in bed. To learn what the red flags are, I talked with Sadie Allison, PhD, founder of TickleKitty.com and author of Ride 'Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets for Better Bucking.
Just remember that signs of selfishness could also be inexperience or insecurity, so make sure to talk to your partner before you kick them to the curb. "Sometimes they might not realize they're being selfish," Dr. Allison says. "They may have never learned how to be a better lover, or might be young and inexperienced and getting their ideas of what sex is supposed to be from porn."
Read on for Dr. Allison's tips on how to spot a selfish lover, and what to do about it.
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